It sounds cruel, but it’s not about his puberty, not in his teens, not in social networks, not on the Internet and television. It’s about you.
The events of the past week shocked the country, without understatement. First, in Perm, two teenagers started a massacre at a school, sent a teacher and one of the students to intensive care, and several more students were taken to the hospital with moderate injuries. A day later, in Ulan-Ude, three teenagers staged a bloody massacre – also at school. Since then, social networks and the Internet in general, violent films, anime and even city quests have been blamed for the incident. According to politicians, educators, just ordinary adults, children read behavioral models from popular characters. You know, I’m sure that what happened is much more of the fault of these adults, who shift the responsibility onto anyone, if only from their own shoulders away.
Children cannot be considered idiots who, having read some nonsense in the network public, immediately go to bring it to life. One cannot help but notice for years that something is clearly wrong with the child: he is rude, rude, does not study, is not interested in anything and frankly spits on your opinion. Interestingly, by the way, if a child is so stupid that he sculpts his model of behavior in the image and likeness of a popular character, why does he not sculpt it from you? Do semi-mythical death groups on social media and individual questionable personalities have more influence on your child than you do? After all, you are parents, you are real heroes for your child. No? Not heroes? Then I have bad news. Something really went wrong with you, and it is you who are responsible for it. After all, you are an adult, you are responsible for your scheme of interactions.
My daughter turned 18 yesterday. And all these years I was firmly convinced that the child will never prove anything to anyone with aggression and rudeness, if he is not put before the need to do so. But we are betting. “You must …” – and then a long list of debts that the child acquired upon birth. Have you forgotten anything? For example, ask the child’s opinion? “Yes that he understands, I know how best.” As a result, it turns out that we know absolutely nothing about our children.
Teenagers are critical people. To parents as well. Yes, he appreciates you. Yes, it is normal. No, there is no need to squeeze critical perception in a person. Or do you want to raise a sheep? Then you are late. A sheep wouldn’t rebel at 13.
“I know better” – this mantra suppresses the consciousness of the parent. Live conversation? Sincere interest, how is the person doing there? An incredible rarity. It’s easier to stick on social media. For example, write on VKontakte how the Internet has a detrimental effect on children. Oh yes, it will certainly help.
“Go and do it. Because I said so!” Pressure always causes only rejection. Not admiration for your life experience, not gratitude for your concern. And for some reason it is not customary for us to negotiate with children. And in general, be interested in their opinion. We react to a rebellion with increased pressure on it, causing even greater rejection. And then we complain – again online – that we give up, what to do, the pernicious influence of the West and TV has spoiled our children. Banning social networks, the Internet, making you walk in formation is much easier than taking care of your children. Really deal with them, and not this “well fed, dressed, shod, what else does he need, we did not have this.” Busy with a bunch of other important things? Oh, and what are these?
“Yes, he changed overnight! There was a sweetheart and a house boy, but he began to snap back and run away from the house. ” The hormonal explosion, of course, is the case. But if you still got along well and spoke the same language (really in one, and not in your opinion), then you will cope with a little blood. The child still trusts you. You strive to support him in return, and not slap him on the head. Trust and support is what you need. And this explosion is growing for two or three months, notice, whatever one may say. And if he doesn’t trust, then wait for all of these “Do not meddle in my soul, it’s none of your business, you don’t understand anything” in response to an attempt to start a lively warm conversation. Well, or it seems to you that way.
Or maybe it’s a teenage desire to do it out of spite? “To spite my grandmother, I’ll frostbite my ears.” Maybe, of course. But this desire is not growing out of the blue. And only where the child feels the need to prove and demonstrate something to you. “I’m an adult!” He shouts in your face. But in other words.
Try to take it for granted from the start that your child is a separate person. His opinion matters. He is worthy of respect no less than you. The formula “First learn to respect adults, then demand respect for yourself” does not work. How can a teenager learn to respect you if you don’t consider him human?
And until you stop looking down at him, you will never get along with him. Do not be afraid to drop your dignity by communicating with your child as equals. Be careful not to lift your nose out of the blue. After all, you’re just older. And that’s all. You are no better than your teenager. Or even worse.