The tragedy of Pskov Bonnie and Clyde: why the children shot at the police, psychologist

Two fifteen-year-olds, a boy and a girl, ran away from home. When her mother and grandmother came for Katya, and the police came for Denis (who was reported missing), the young lovers barricaded themselves in the house and started shooting. In the police, in the neighboring houses. One of the bullets hit Katya’s mom in the leg. At the same time, they broadcast what was happening in social networks. They flaunted – they say, look, you won’t get anything for it. But for us! .. We were sure that they would be imprisoned. Separated forever.

People in uniform went to the assault. The teenagers were found dead – according to the official version, the guy shot his beloved, and then he shot himself.

“I loved you, but you yourself did not notice how you destroyed my psyche and life. Goodbye everyone: friends, family, and acquaintances. Don’t worry, I will leave beautifully. Good luck to everyone in your life and please do not be afraid to live the way you want or see fit. Living for pleasure is the best life. Love you”.

This entry is a suicide note that Denis and Katya left on their pages in social networks. The same words. The same thoughts.

Why? Why did two young people, who had their whole life ahead, choose to cut it off? It is customary to look for the answer in the family. But both have normal families. Parents are not marginalized. Denis’s relationship with his parents was quite even. Katya, however, is more difficult – her mother married a second time, her stepfather is a harsh military man. They say that her mother was very strict with her, even beat her daughter. But which of us, tell me, was not sometimes rewarded with a cuff or even a belt? ..

– Children who are not engaged in suicide are prone to suicide. I mean, they don’t do it enough. Dressed, shod, fed – that’s all. And there is no normal, lively and warm human communication in such families. These are already dysfunctional families. This is the problem, – says forensic psychiatrist Mikhail Vinogradov.

According to the specialist, a child to whom parents pay enough attention will not even have suicidal thoughts.

Another nuance is the age of the lovers. We are used to thinking that 15 years are still children. And the law says so. But, firstly, sexual and psychological maturation proceeds in different ways. Secondly, 15 years are no longer such children.

– Remember, Pushkin’s about marriage: “I was younger, my light. And I was 13 years old. ” 13 years is the historical age for creating a family. Parents forbade teenagers to communicate in whatever way they wanted. And everything that is encountered on the way of lovers, at this age, causes a protest, – continues Mikhail Viktorovich.

A protest can take different forms: run away from home, wander, join some criminal group. This couple has chosen their own path.

– Besides, look – the young man opened the safe with a weapon. But a safe is a reliable thing, a child cannot do that. What kind of boy is he? By the level of development, he is already an accomplished adult man. And if there is a weapon, it must fire. Then the police turned up in time, – the expert explains.

And when the police went to storm, the children subconsciously had a thought – they are finished. This means that there is only one way out: it is worthy, in their opinion, to die beautifully. Which they did.

“Adolescents have a very different attitude to death than adults. They romanticize her, consider her something unreal, – says Mikhail Vinogradov.

Remember that childish “when I die, let’s see how you cry”? Here is the same perception of death. This “frivolous” attitude can be influenced. But here we come back to the first problem: you need to talk to children. They should feel cared for, know that they are needed and important.

One more thing. Social media. Their influence cannot be underestimated.

– In adolescence, children are very susceptible to external influences. The Internet is useful, but it can also be very dangerous. There is a certain direction in social networks that attracts young people with an unstable psyche. They talk about suicide as a heroic deed. And this is also a big problem, the doctor is sure.

Indescribably sorry for Denis and Katya. Outwardly prosperous children instantly found themselves in their personal hell. From one glance at their VKontakte pages, you want to cry out loud – this is embodied sadness and the realization of your own uselessness. Now their loved ones are in hell.

Take care of children. They are the most important thing we have. And they should know this – not just know, but understand with every string of a tender child’s soul.

Practicing psychotherapist Tatiana Ogneva-Salvoni told us how to raise a child while maintaining contact with him.

1. Do not shift your powerlessness onto the child.

A child at this age needs to be explained everything. Usually, the concepts of what is good and what is bad are laid down until 10 years. But if parents were unable to set boundaries in their time, then in the adolescence of children they are faced with the first fruits of their upbringing. And here it is important that the parent does not shift the responsibility onto the child. When they shout and beat, it comes from powerlessness, from unwillingness to understand their own guilt.

2. Talk about your feelings

Show that you are not a robot, not an ideal, not an unattainable someone, but also a living person. And that means other people are also alive, with their own feelings. A parent shows strength and wisdom when talking about his feelings.

3. Learn to hear your child’s feelings

And then you need to become a little psychotherapist for him. Asking leading questions, not judging, edifying, not educating. And with the help of simple leading questions “What happened? How do you feel? Why do you need this? And what is behind this? What is the use / benefit / point of this? What would I call it, what’s good about it? What does it give you ”and so on, you can get to the bottom of why the child goes to any extreme measure, what he wants to achieve by violating the laws of society.

The main thing in this case is to withstand his negative feelings and claims.

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