Contents
Four rules that promise us “freedom, happiness and love” if we put them into practice in our lives… A new pop philosophy or an effective way to know ourselves better and love more? The Toltecs answer.
The mass interest in the traditional beliefs and rituals of the American Indians, characteristic of the New Age movement, began with the work of the American writer, anthropologist and ethnographer Carlos Castaneda. In 1968, Castaneda’s book The Teachings of Don Juan was published, which gained immense popularity among the hippie generation.
Thirty years later, a new wave of interest in the heritage of the Indians arose in connection with the work of Don Miguel Ruiz. The Four Agreements was first published in the US in 1997. In America, they were actively promoted in her talk show by TV presenter Oprah Winfrey, recognized as the most influential woman in the United States. The book became a success, and its author took care to make his “agreements” a well-known brand. Now the book is published in Russia.
What is it about? The purpose of these agreements is to break down limiting prejudices. They develop from childhood, distorting reality and causing suffering. Our perception is influenced by several factors. We adopt an erroneous image of ourselves due to upbringing, cultural characteristics that are responsible for ideas about what is fair and unfair, beautiful and ugly. Personal projections can also interfere with us: “I must be good,” “I must succeed.”
“These ideas reproduce the principles of cognitive therapy, according to which the inability to step back or excessive generalization often become traps,” says psychiatrist François Thioli. “Some ideas of Miguel Ruiz are in tune with Christian precepts, something is close to Buddhism,” says psychotherapist Ekaterina Zhornyak. “It is no coincidence that there are four agreements: in Buddhism there are four noble truths, in Christianity there are four evangelists, and the Argentine writer Jorge Luis Borges believed that there are only four plots in literature.”
What attracts this book? The talent of the author in explaining the four agreements in simple terms and with specific examples. You don’t have to be dedicated to put them into practice. Miguel Ruiz does not impose anything. He says that if he can master these principles, then everyone else will be able to do the same.
Who are the Toltecs?
The warlike Toltec tribe lived in Latin America, on the territory of present-day Mexico, in 1000-1300. Based on legends and excavations, this people excelled in the arts and architecture. The Toltecs passed on their wisdom through four conventions. Proudly accepting this heritage, the Aztecs brought the knowledge and philosophy of the Toltecs to the present day.
First agreement: “Let your word be impeccable”
“Be direct and honest. Say only what you really mean. Don’t say things that can be used against you or spread gossip about others. Use the power of the word to achieve truth and love.”
“Miguel Ruiz reminds us of the power of the word over the psyche,” explains clinical psychologist Olivier Perrault. “Each of us has preserved in our memory hurting parental phrases.” We often forget that words affect reality. “Tell a child that he is chubby and he will feel fat for the rest of his life,” says Olivier Perrault.
“A lie destroys a person, he ceases to understand who he is and who those around him are,” says Ekaterina Zhornyak. “Lies are detrimental to relationships with loved ones – under its influence, relationships are gradually destroyed.”
How to use it? Practice moderation in speech: do not speak too much or too quickly. According to Miguel Ruiz, everything starts with inner speech addressed to oneself. Not only criticism and condemnation of others, but also the incessant “I won’t succeed”, “I’m not good for anything”, “I don’t look good” – all this is negative that clogs our mentality. Meanwhile, these are just projections, images that arise in response to ideas about what others expect from us.
“We need to pause and realize what exactly we are going to say and why we want to say exactly this,” suggests Ekaterina Zhornyak. Conclusion: let’s talk less, but really, emphasizing the best – both in us and in others.
Second agreement: “Do not take it personally”
“The affairs of others do not concern you. Everything people say or do is a projection of their own reality. If you develop immunity to other people’s views and actions, you can avoid needless suffering.
The words and actions of another do not concern us directly. “They belong to another,” confirms Olivier Perrault, “because they are the expression of his own convictions. It is a representation of you created by others, not by yourself.”
Are you being criticized? Or praise? “There is no point in worrying too much about what other people think,” says Ekaterina Zhornyak. “Although ignoring their feelings, pretending that we have nothing to do with it at all, is also unreasonable.” In the same way, the events that happen to us are not always a direct response to our actions. According to Miguel Ruiz, we need to get rid of egocentrism, which makes us think that what is happening around us is the result of our actions or thoughts. Our “self” closes us in illusions. And thus sustains suffering.
How to use it? It is rather not about stoicism, but about being able to step back. If we take responsibility for something that does not apply to us, fear, anger or sadness inevitably arises – this is a standard defensive reaction. “If the other is tired or in a bad mood, you don’t need to take it personally, be offended and slam the door,” warns Ekaterina Zhornyak. The purpose of this agreement is to leave the other person fully responsible for his words and deeds and not to interfere. Often this is enough to defuse the situation.
Third agreement: “Don’t make assumptions”
“Find the courage to ask questions and express what you really want to express in case of misunderstanding. In communicating with others, seek maximum clarity in order to avoid misunderstandings, not to be upset and not suffer.
“This often happens,” admits Olivier Perrault. “We assume, we hypothesize, and in the end we believe them.” The friend did not greet us in the morning, and we imagine that he is offended by us! Miguel Ruiz considers it “emotional poison”. To get rid of it, he suggests learning to clarify, share doubts. “In order to understand others, you need the ability to ask questions and the desire to hear a person,” says Ekaterina Zhornyak.
How to use it? It must be realized that speculation is a product of thought. As soon as we begin to sincerely believe in what was only a hypothesis (“He is angry with me”), we begin to “pressure” the other with our behavior. This becomes a source of anxiety and stress.
Fourth agreement: “Do your best”
“Your opportunities are not always the same: it is one thing when you are healthy, another when you are sick or upset. Under any circumstances, make every effort, and you will not feel reproaches of conscience, regrets or reproaches addressed to you.
“This rule follows from the previous ones,” states Olivier Perrault. “When you take on too much, you become exhausted and hurt yourself.” “But if you do less than you can, then you doom yourself to frustration, regret and guilt,” adds Ekaterina Zhornyak. The goal is to find a balance.
How to use it? It is not known what “in the best way” means at the moment. According to Miguel Ruiz, there are days when the best thing is to stay in bed. In any case, Ekaterina Zhornyak emphasizes, “the worst trap is perfectionism, when it’s not the work itself that comes to the fore, but the desire to do it flawlessly and the constant feeling that little and bad work has been done.” One way to avoid this feeling is to replace “I have to do it” with “I can do it”. As Olivier Perrault states, “this is how you can appropriate the goal you set for yourself and not care about the expectations of others.”
Miguel Ruiz was born in 1952 in Mexico, in a family of healers. He worked as a neurosurgeon, but the experience of clinical death experienced in 1970 changed his life. After that, he turns to the wisdom of the Toltec ancestors, becomes a shaman and takes on the mission of communicating this wisdom to as many people as possible. After many years of teaching and writing, in 2002 he passed the baton to his son José Luis Ruiz. The Four Agreements remains his main book.