“I am expecting a child from a married man.”
Our story is not like the others … I am the mistress of a married man, the shadow woman, and yet I am pregnant with him. I am in my fourth month and I am very happy, even though I know that I will have to raise my child on my own. I did not make a baby in the back, as they say colloquially. It’s an accident, others would say a failed act! One day, I forgot my pill and that was enough for me to be pregnant… When I found out, I first experienced it as a disaster and I told myself that I could not keep this baby . Nicolas was already the father of two and I dreaded his reaction. When I told him, he turned very pale and was silent for a few moments. Then he asked me very quietly what I was going to do. I referred the question back to him, asking him what he thought about it. He told me it was up to me to choose. ?? He was also very clear. He was not going to leave his wife … If I decided to keep the child, he would agree to recognize him, but he could not yet say if he would take care of him at all. I was shocked that he didn’t even consider turning his life upside down for me and our unborn baby for a moment. Subconsciously, I think maybe I had dreamed that my condition was going to change everything. At first, I found my friend very selfish, almost cynical. He kept telling me that he cared about me, but above all did not want to change his little life as a married man. And then I understood that I wanted this child despite all the difficulties waiting for me. Didn’t matter the relationship I had with his father ?? Besides, I still loved the latter more than anything, even if he didn’t react the way I would have liked. But he hadn’t taken me in traitor and I knew from the start that he was not a free man. And then, gradually, a funny feeling crept in: being very honest with myself, I finally wondered if I didn’t prefer this situation – I loved a man passionately, but I probably didn’t want to. live everyday life with him. I have always been afraid of routine, of the wear and tear of time that threatens many couples. And I watched my parents tear themselves apart for thirty years only to get divorced. It never made me want a “classic” family life. We can say that I am served!
I fully assume my choice
So I think it is no accident that I have become so attached to someone who is unavailable. Which doesn’t mean that things are simple! I’m quite ambivalent, especially now that I’m having a baby. It makes me sad sometimes that my friend is not there to follow the steps of my pregnancy, even if he often asks me how I am. It might be the least of things of course, but it touches me a lot. I want to stay optimistic and think he cares about me in his own way. He could have let me down after knowing I was expecting a child from him and he didn’t.
He compartmentalizes his life even more than before. He can’t or won’t choose… I have a bunch of very close friends who surround me and support me. I don’t stay like Penelope, waiting for her without doing anything else! I have a very rich life. Even if it is difficult for most people to understand, in the end, it suits me to live wonderful hours with my lover and to have in parallel a very independent lifeeven now that I’m pregnant. Of course, all is not rosy every day for all that… When I have no morale for one reason or another, work, fatigue… I would of course like him to be there to console me and me. tenderly embrace. But who says he would if we lived together? So many couples live under the same roof without sharing anything. My mother, who really doesn’t understand how I can stand to be just the second wife (as she puts it very elegantly!), Had urged me to terminate my pregnancy, which hurt me a lot. How can she judge me, she, whose husband, consequently my father, has absolutely never taken care of his children! I think that in three years of relations with Nicolas, I have accumulated a thousand times more love and tenderness than in thirty years of living with my father.…
A real love baby!
Even if, sometimes I think that I am irresponsible to have this child knowing that I will be all alone to welcome it. But the next second I tell myself it’s really a love baby, since I love his father infinitely and ultimately he loves me in his own way… Deep down, I tell myself that one day my friend will end up taking care of his child, even intermittently. And if he doesn’t, I think I have enough love to give my child to grow happily. When I feel my baby moving in my belly, I am so moved, so happy that I know I made the right decision, which is to keep him …
I don’t know how my love affair with Nicolas will evolve once I give birth… Of course, no one today can tell. But for now, my future is this little piece of echou who will land in my life in a few months and that fills me with happiness … After, who will live, see!