We used to believe that a woman should choose what she should be: soft and docile or strong and independent. And, having chosen the role of a successful business woman, she should not change an expensive suit for an apron and bake pies for her husband and children. Blogger and writer Lisa Pieterkina is sure of the opposite: only the alternation of opposites will help women become full-fledged personalities.
What kind of woman are you: strong or weak? On the sacred tablets of modern society there are two sacred inscriptions that contradict each other. The first says that a woman must be weak so that a man feels strength next to her. The second argues that a woman must feel strong and self-sufficient in order to become a successful and fulfilled person.
My contemporaries swing on these swings to dizziness and complete loss of consciousness, alternating two female mantras: “I want to handle” and “let those who didn’t get us cry.” Which one is closer to you? Do you feel small, weak and defenseless or independent, strong and independent? Until you get seasick like a tumbler, or get stuck in one extreme, I will tell you an ancient Chinese secret. I learned it from a hereditary healer, the Chinese Ji Xiaogang. This is the secret of the strength of the weaker sex.
There is a stereotype that yin and yang are feminine and masculine. So I thought, until I took up the study of ancient Chinese philosophy. More precisely, that part of the knowledge of Ancient China, from which psychology subsequently grew. Immersion in centuries-old wisdom surprised me a lot. It turns out that yin and yang are dialectical opposites. The same idea in Ancient Greece was later put forward by Heraclitus of Ephesus, and in the XNUMXth century was supported by the German philosopher Hegel. I will not fool you, I will tell you everything in a simple and understandable language.
The secret of harmony and attraction lies in the recognition of opposites.
Yin and yang are any two opposites: night and day, death and life, cold and heat, winter and summer, old age and youth, hatred and love. The list can be continued indefinitely. But this is not the most striking.
The idea that opposites are two sides of any whole caused me the strongest emotions. There is no life without death, no heat without cold. Believe it or not, there is no health without illness, and no love without hate, at least without anger. Yin and yang are two types of vital, that is, vital energy that set everything in motion.
The right and left legs set us in motion. Inhalation and exhalation keep us alive. If we only love, but are afraid to fall into anger directed at a loved one, then this is not love. But the reverse is also true: we rage most violently at those to whom we feel or could potentially feel attracted. Perhaps it is not by chance that “love” and “blood” rhyme so often in our language?
Simply put, enemies have a huge potential to become friends. But this requires truly Chinese wisdom! It is based on awareness and the ability to see the Yin and Yang sides of any phenomena.
Let me now once again ask you a question about what kind of woman do you consider yourself: strong or weak? Guess what I’m getting at? Two forces interact in any person: active and calm, active and passive, giving and receiving. And when a person is holistic, she skillfully manages all the pairs of her abilities.
If a person considers himself or wants to appear kind, but carefully hides the ability to be angry, he is like an invalid jumping on one leg. A healthy person steps from one foot to another and moves forward. He can either love or hate, be healthy or sick, look beautiful or ugly — and allow himself to be different. In the recognition of opposites lies the secret of harmony and attraction for others.
Have you noticed that men like bitchy ladies? You ask yourself what is so alluring about these daring women? They skillfully either attract or repel partners. This initiates the movement of energy in the male psycho-emotional systems, causes love and a desire to get closer.
Accepting your ignorance as the Yin, shadow side makes it easier to become whole.
It’s just that they don’t usually marry bitches, because bitchiness is not a very healthy behavior pattern. A healthy option looks like this: a woman approaches a man when she wants to be near, then moves away when she wants to be alone for a while. And if she sticks to one of the extremes, then the harmony ends, and after it the love and desire of a man to go along with such a dangerous woman through life ends.
A woman who tries to always be with the object of her love, sooner or later may face loneliness. After all, “always” and “never” are also yin and yang, the dialectical opposites of life. And the one who «never» wants to fully approach a man, dooms herself to «always» without a man. Wouldn’t it be better to choose the golden mean and fluctuate from «together» to «apart», then there, then back. Of course, we are not talking about divorces, separations and long partings. I’m talking about the simple possibility of maintaining the psychological boundaries of the individual, at least sometimes being alone with oneself when such a need arises.
The idea of the significance of the alternation of opposites was broadcast not only by ancient philosophers. The founder of Gestalt therapy, Frederick Perls, used the principle of polarities, that is, the principle of harmonious combination of opposite principles in the personality. Revealing and integrating the opposing qualities of the personality, he recreated the integrity and versatility of the person’s image, enriched her personal experience and expanded her understanding of herself and her capabilities.
A similar hypothesis was expressed by the founder of analytical psychology, Carl Gustav Jung. He suggested that the human psyche is a set of multidirectional attitudes that come into conflict and create the basis for psycho-emotional disorders. He designated the most significant united and opposite parts as the Person and the Shadow. In fact, it is the yang and yin of the individual. By the way, Jung was well acquainted with ancient Chinese philosophy and even wrote excellent commentaries on the famous Book of Changes.
The personality of a woman also consists of opposites. The only question is whether a woman is ready to realize their unity, interaction and the value of both sides. For example, being smart is great. Not being afraid to look like a fool is even more beautiful. If we are willing to admit that we know nothing, we have the resource and motivation to improve. As the great Chinese sage Lao Tzu said, a full cup cannot be filled. This means that emptiness is no less valuable quality than fullness. Not to be afraid to seem empty — is this not female wisdom? Yin is a dark void that attracts yang, content. The right and left legs alternate. By accepting your ignorance as the Yin, shadow side, it is easier to become whole!
Sorry for the importunity, but I’m back to you with a question. What kind of woman do you consider yourself: weak or strong? The most difficult thing, in my opinion, is to build an alliance with the chosen ones for strong and weak women. Those who position themselves as strong personalities are prone to manipulating men and dominating the couple. Those who, following the advice of the authors of dubious trainings, insist that a woman should be weak, are prone to emotional dependence on partners. They bother them with annoying suffocating care and provoke them to search for a sip of freedom on the side. Meanwhile, a healthy relationship in a couple is a relationship of equal and different partners, and not the pathological proximity of Siamese twins, moreover, of opposite sexes.
So after all, what kind of woman are you: strong or weak? Don’t rush to answer.