This line from Shakespeare’s comedy The Taming of the Shrew remained for many years an unspoken key to building successful relationships and a symbol of patriarchal values. We asked the men what she means to them today. We publish the most frequent answers and commentary of a psychologist.
Opinions of men
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Yes, I agree with this phrase. I am afraid of women who carry their strength like armor. It seems to me that this is their defensive reaction,” says Pavel (35 years old). — They spend all their energy on proving who is more significant and successful here. I have a question: why then me? I want to take care of my woman, show her signs of attention, this gives me the joy of feeling like a man.
At the same time, I notice how the female position — I am as strong as you, and I will prove it to you — is convenient for some men. They use this to ride at the expense of a woman, to please her ego. “Yes, you can do everything, you can do everything, dear. So go and do that for me too.” And when women are then surprised that the “partners” sit on their necks, they forget that they themselves suggested this game: I will do everything no worse than you, and even better.
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Strength in weakness? It sounds a little strange today, — says Vadim (25 years old). — Maybe previous generations of women lived according to this attitude, but it seems humiliating to me. It’s good that a woman is not afraid to be strong and confident. This means that she knows her worth. It’s interesting to build relationships with such a person.”
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“The expression “a woman’s strength is in her weakness” only says that women are more diplomatic and flexible,” Kirill (31) says. “They don’t go through as often as the men. It is important for men to keep their ears open so as not to lose. Women know how to just pretend that they are on your side and are ready to compromise. But then they achieve their goal through charm and feminine tricks, which are hard to resist. In this sense, the weakness of a woman is pure water and manipulation, and an element of the game.
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“I am against this attitude, for women it has become a form of manipulating men,” says Nadar (28). “Come and make sure everything is decided for me. I will not do anything but enjoy life, and all the difficulties are addressed to you. I am much closer to the position of equality, when we share responsibilities equally. Nobody plays weak.
If you’re tired, I’ll lend a shoulder. If it became difficult for me, a woman will be there. In this sense, what feminists talk about helps not only women to gain their rights, but also allows men to relax. And build your life without looking back, which you endlessly owe to your weaker half.
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“The strength of a woman is that she can afford weakness if a worthy man is next to her. Therefore, in many ways, her strength lies precisely in a man, — says Aleksey (39 years old), — a man who, at a difficult moment, takes responsibility for himself, and a woman trusts him. It is great if, thanks to her qualities, she managed to attract and choose a partner who allows her to be weak. This does not mean that she turns out to be a dumb slave who does not have her own voice — in the modern world this is impossible.
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“There is nothing sexier than a woman who does not play weak helplessness, but knows well what she wants from life, sets goals and goes towards them,” says Matvey (39). Why hide it and pretend to be weak? It’s not about competing in relationships, but I would like to have someone next to me that motivates me to develop and not stand still. Such a woman knows herself well and what she wants from life.
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“A wonderful phrase that has not just become folk wisdom. And it’s a pity that not all women follow this, says Vasily (44 years old). — The strength of a woman is that she does not stick out her superiority, does not try to prove it to a man at all costs. I often hear that it is important for a woman to be able to stand up for herself. Of course, this is necessary. But it is worth choosing a man from whom you will not have to defend yourself, who himself will become a defender. And some first like «bad but funny guys», and then they suffer from them. And that’s why we have to be strong.»
Expert opinion: “In a relationship, everyone has the right to weakness”
Tatyana Mizinova, psychoanalyst
The responses of men speak more about their own expectations in relationships with women than confirm or refute the phrase «a woman’s strength is in her weakness.» In a patriarchal world, where all the leading positions were unconditionally occupied by men, female power was perceived as scandalous, unfounded claims and a violation of the usual foundations. The outer frame dictated the rules in which the woman had to be passive, agreeing and supportive. It was important to be «married». «Divorced women, abandoned women, old maids» were stigmatized as women who failed to keep or win a man.
Both men and women have different attitudes about what a relationship should be like. And often “weak women”, in relations with whom men feel like superheroes, turn out to be simply infantile. They see the partner as a parent object and do not know how to support it in a difficult situation.
«Strong» women scare, but also attract. Yes, it is often a matter of competition, disputes, difficulties with the division of the usual roles that we inherited from our parents. But at the same time, it is both a sense of support in a difficult situation, and the possibility of shared responsibility.
I can’t help but remember the phrase from the famous film: “What is the strength, brother?” — «Power is in the truth». And the truth is not to imitate weakness or strength, but to be yourself. It is impossible to deny that over the past 50 years the world has changed dramatically, and the relationship between a man and a woman is becoming more and more partnership. Everyone has the right to be weak and at some point is forced to take on the role of a stronger, more supportive partner.
The practice of the therapist shows that the main problems arise when partners try to conform to imposed stereotypes, for example: “a man is the head of the family”, “a woman should take care of children and home”. Following them, the couple comes to a dead end, which often leads to separation.
Women have always had an unspoken advantage. Their weakness has traditionally been commendable, but men have an equal need for care. Suffice it to recall how most of them react to a temperature of 37,5. And then the strength of a woman is in her inner resource, the ability to take care and reassure.