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The story of the bear, the song and the forest that explains why you don’t feel like sex
Couple
Stress is a hormonal pattern that kicks in in response to thoughts of fear and worry. Its effect on sex is clear: we lose the desire
«Imagine that you are walking through the forest singing a song, your favorite song, the one that makes you happy and gives you ‘good vibes’. Then a huge, hungry and angry bear suddenly appears. What are you doing? The first thing you do, in a matter of microseconds, is stop singing; and the second, to escape as fast as you can and without looking back ». This is how Dr. Nicola Tartaglia, urologist, andrologist and expert in sexual health, begins his explanation about how stress can influence sexual intercourse. His intention with the example of the song, the bear and the forest is to explain that the change in attitude that this story reflects is not voluntary, but spontaneous, since it represents a survival mechanism. “Something that our brain interprets as dangerous causes adrenaline and cortisol to be released, whose functions are, among others, to interrupt all activities related to pleasure and to channel energy into flight or attack, depending on the danger,” he clarifies.
People who suffer from stress tend to have a lifestyle or way of being that makes them constantly feel the need to find one solution to a problem. The world for him or her is full of uncomfortable elements that prevent you from relaxing. In other words, following the example of Dr. Tartaglia, “they constantly come across hungry and angry bears.”
In short, stress is a hormonal pattern that is activated in response to thoughts of fear and worry, what Anglo-Saxons call “overthinking.” And being stressed makes levels of cortisol and at adrenalina higher, which impairs our ability to relax.
And how does not being able to relax affect sex? In the bear example, sexual intercourse would be the same as the song we were singing. Yes, the one who gave us “good vibes.” And the point is, as Dr. Nicola Tartaglia indicates, it is impossible to run away and continue singing because, as he clarifies, stress interrupts or hinders pleasant activities, such as sex.
“The male erection, which is equivalent in a certain sense to the female lubricationIt can only be done in an environment of calm and relaxation, ”says the expert. Thus, when a man is afraid of a trigger, or does not stop thinking about work, his brain is providing him with a scenario of fear and his body acts accordingly. And the same happens to many women, who do not achieve or find it difficult to reach orgasms in certain situations. «Letting go, nullifying the defenses … That means surrendering to the pleasure of orgasm. That person who cannot disconnect his thoughts and connect with his body cannot reach orgasm. And that’s due to the adrenaline and cortisol that produce stress. It’s that simple, ”argues Dr. Nicola Tartaglia.
How to know if I have stress
The main sign of stress is the inability to not relax in other aspects of life, and not just in sexuality. Physical symptoms such as having (or not having) too much appetite, not resting well, suffering from gastric reflux with heartburn, intestinal problems (especially in their case) and urinating often (especially in their case) are also signs. They all depend, according to Dr. Tartaglia, on a muscular tension for which adrenaline is the most responsible.
From a psychological point of view, the expert affirms that stress makes us not stop thinking about problems that need a solution, especially in moments when it is not possible to find that solution and, what is more important, in moments in which we should actually dedicate ourselves to other things: interpersonal relationships, taking care of our body and attending to our state of mind.
Three techniques so that stress does not influence sex
To mitigate the effect of stress on sexual intercourse, the expert advises his patients three things: reduce sources of stress, follow a sports routine and practice meditation.
Reviewing the day to day and eliminating or reducing all possible sources of stress is the first step to prevent stress from taking away the desire for sex. “Delegating, both at work and in the family, is a perfect method to lower the position of responsibility and increase trust in others, which also improves interpersonal relationships,” explains Dr. Targaglia.
It also helps to have a sports routine. Practicing 15-20 minutes of sport daily reduces stress and is one of the best formulas to “burn” adrenaline deposits and “reset” cortisol levels.
And finally, it recommends meditating. «Meditation is an activity that does not have religious or cultural aspects as many think. Learning to meditate means learning to identify the moments in which the brain does not provide fictional and negative scenarios, causing the production of stress hormones ”, reveals the expert. Thus, becoming experts in this practice helps to strengthen communication with the body and with the sensations it generates. In addition, this habit can help predispose us to listen more and improve the sensations of the body, thus increasing desire and pleasure.