The story of a man who changes into women’s underwear

“In my closet I had not only men’s clothes, but also women’s things”

Sergey S.

I had a normal, completely normal childhood. Normal, ordinary and, most importantly, complete family: mom, dad, grandparents. Most of all, I did not get along with my father. He was kind of incomprehensible to me. You could say I was afraid of him. Many of my friends were afraid of their fathers. I think it has to do with spanking and punishment. Like, dad always flogged with a belt and was the head of the family. Mom is a good cop, and dad is an evil one.

The real difficulties for me started later. I changed three or four schools. In the very first one, it was still possible to somehow live, and then we moved several times. I mean, I was new to the classes. I was bullied. The most popular mockery was tape wrapping. They liked to shove firecrackers into a backpack or pour water into it so that the textbooks swelled. I didn’t know how to react. I have not encountered this. Now I think it was just too soft. I could not refuse, insist on my own. Nobody taught me this.

First experiments

The first experience I had was with a girl — no love, just teenage sex. I watched a lot of movies, listened to all kinds of music. After leaving school, he entered college.

The audience there was more interesting. I have friends. They were quite open and bold. For example, we somehow hung out in the entrance, and one guy began to try on a women’s jacket for fun. Everyone laughed. I think that’s when something happened to me. Maybe the hormones are kicking in. I was blown away by the topic of porn, sex and experiments. I think I just wanted to be the hero of some movie. I can’t explain why I bought lingerie from an online store. Looks like we’re having some kind of party. I ordered a wig, tights and ruffled panties. 

I thought I was some kind of pervert. And from this feeling I was excited even more. It was very sudden. Moreover, this feeling was very multilayered. I was worried that if someone found out that I was turned on by such things, I would be caught. There were so many emotions in it — just a tornado. I have never experienced this.

Then I decided to experiment with cosmetics. It should be noted that I quickly moved out from my parents. We started renting an apartment for four with college buddies. My parents helped me, and I also got a part-time job in a cafe. In the closet I had not only men’s clothes, but also women’s. A whole regiment was allocated for them. About once a week I would change into something and satisfy myself by looking in the mirror. At the same time, I had a permanent relationship with a girl who did not know anything about it.

sexual practice

For me, traditional sex has faded somewhat. It seems somehow too simple and routine. I don’t think I will ever go back to it. I don’t consider myself a transvestite. I treat it like a sexual practice. Dressing up as a woman makes me feel special. It’s like I’m becoming a different person. Another personality. This is a completely different image. It gives me the opportunity to know myself in a new way.

It was also a very interesting experience. I’m walking down the street. In appearance — an ordinary guy, and under the coat are women’s clothes: a skirt, shorts, a bra. Passers-by don’t know who I really am. It’s adrenaline, some special feeling of restlessness and anxiety that amuses me. People don’t notice my duality. Perhaps this is what I like. Such hidden potential that only the elite see. I never analyzed my experiences in detail. 

I never had the idea to change gender, become feminine or wear women’s clothes forever. I am comfortable with myself. I love my body, I don’t have any hate for myself. Dressing up is just a way to bring out other sides of my personality that I like too. Maybe this is my way of psychotherapy.

«I’m ready to build relationships with women»

If we talk about the place that dressing takes in my life, then this is about a few times a week. I can devote the whole weekend to this, for example. Change clothes, make up, cook dinner and wait for someone to visit. If there is no date, then I can just change at home to please myself. Be in your other person. I also get manicures and shave my legs to look good. I think that any men should take care of themselves and look good, and not be Neanderthals.

I am ready to build relationships with women. A beautiful female body excites me. But girls don’t particularly want to have sex with me as a woman. For them, the maximum is for me to put on women’s underpants. It works for a while, but I want more.

I am currently working in the IT field. None of my colleagues know about my personal life. And I don’t think they need to know about it.

I do not consider myself a member of any community. I went to dress-up parties a couple of times, but I can’t say that it attracted me. Tried other practices. I don’t know yet whether I will develop into BDSM or something else.

I think I am by nature a loner. And I’m more comfortable talking to someone one on one. And I have no intentions to expose my hobbies. It’s personal. At this stage, I like to just come up with images for myself. Buy a beautiful dress or choose a stylish skirt for a jacket. Choose makeup. I like to look good in both menswear and womenswear.

Crossdressing expert

Ekaterina Gordienko, psychologist-sexologist

In today’s world, crossdressing is a fairly common occurrence. There are several reasons why men change into women’s clothing.

The first reason is the need to show femininity, “female power”. The desire to draw attention to oneself, to become a source of sexual attraction for others. “To be a woman” that needs to be pampered, complimented, that needs to be taken care of — that is, to fulfill those roles that are traditionally characteristic of this particular sex. Also, women are able to exert a strong influence on men through their sexuality. A man knows this, and he also wants to be just as interesting and captivating.

The second reason is a way to get away from problems due to inconsistency with the image of a “real man”. The main character told how he was bullied at school and at the same time did not know how to react, could not stand up for himself. Perhaps as a result of this, the author developed a fear of playing the role of a man. In this case, dressing up helps to relieve stress and calm yourself when you can’t respond in some situations like a man.

And the third reason is the achievement of sexual arousal (which is also characteristic of our hero). Most often, such dressing is accompanied by self-satisfaction — having sex with an image that he himself invented and now embodies. At the same time, there is no anxious expectation of sexual failure, there is no fear of rejection, but there is only satisfaction. This is a way to relieve stress, get a feeling of comfort and pleasure.

Text: Anna Vekshina