“The spouse stole our child”: what to do?

According to official statistics, in the US, the majority of child abductions are committed by relatives, while strangers account for only 25% of all cases. There is no data on how many children become victims of family kidnapping in Russia, but such stories often appear in the media.

“Husband stole three children”

Not so long ago, the attention of journalists was attracted by the story of a 33-year-old resident of Makhachkala, Nina Tseretilova. After the divorce, her ex-husband refused to pay alimony, and when Nina sued him, he took their three children and refused to give them to his ex-wife. Recently, on March 24, 2021, the court ruled to return them to their mother, but the ex-husband has not yet fulfilled this decision.

In addition to the fact that Nina has to cope with the drama that has erupted in her life, public opinion adds fire to the oil. “It can’t be that everyone is supportive, so even in such a situation, people’s reactions are different. I often receive threats, however, mostly from fake pages. In addition, all sorts of groups that position themselves as radical Muslims write nasty things, ”says the heroine.

How can the court help?

Despite the fact that the theft of a child falls under the article of the Criminal Code, it is not applied to a parent who is not deprived of parental rights, notes Maria Spiridonova, member of the Russian Bar Association, managing partner of Leges-Bureau. “That is, it is impossible to bring such a parent-abductor to criminal responsibility, since parents have equal rights to determine the whereabouts of children,” the lawyer explains.

However, there is a way out: the other parent must apply to the court to determine the place of residence of the child. The document must express the desire for the child to stay with the parent who applied to the court.

“In addition, the application must necessarily indicate that the other parent unlawfully restricted the applicant from communicating with their children. The court will be held with the participation of the guardianship authority, and then the bailiffs will come to the parent who has taken the child, ”said Spiridonova.

Why do fathers steal their own children?

Family and child psychologist Anna Guseva believes that the origins of any theft should be sought in a sense of envy: “Theft is compensation for injustice. After all, the father, committing such an act, is sure that he is absolutely right. That he, like Robin Hood, helps his child. And sometimes the presence of the child himself is not so important. A man thinks: I invested time, money, love in him, and now only one wife will “use” him.

All his relatives, who sincerely believe that they are doing the right thing, can take the side of the father. “The goal is so important to them that it overshadows the fear of punishment. Often the family is driven by the desire to take revenge on the other side. “She once took her son away from us and could not love him the way we do. Now let him also experience pain, ”the relatives think in approximately the same vein.

In this case, the man simply did not go through the process of separation with his parents. It is also possible that volitional spheres are not sufficiently developed in the family. The child said “I want”, and no one ever stopped him,” Anna explains.

How can a mother take care of herself?

“The most important thing for a woman in such a situation is psychological balance,” the psychologist is sure. Here are some tips for mothers dealing with separation from their children:

• Do not forget about sports, work, hobbies. “Your life goes on, and it is very important to try to pay attention to all its areas,” says Guseva.
• Maintain harmonious relations with the environment of the husband. “It can be difficult, but it is worth trying to establish contact with acquaintances and friends of the father of the child, and then move on to communication with relatives. It can smooth out the conflict.”
• Keep an online diary in the public domain. “You can write about how you love your child, how you look forward to meeting him. Time will pass, and the child will see all this, because it is impossible to completely close access to social networks in our time.
• Do not shift responsibility only to your spouse. “The two of you are in this situation, and if a man behaves destructively, then you should not be like him. Try to carry at least some creation. This is important for a child, because he feels everything.

Nina Tseretilova agrees with the expert’s opinion. “You need to understand that no situation will last forever, everything has its end. The world is cyclical, it changes. Everything will be decided, even if not immediately. This thought calms me,” she says. According to Nina, she works with an energy therapist, practices yoga, and goes to psychotherapy and hypnotherapy.

“The ECHR also provided me with a psychologist, I worked with him a couple of times. Now, when there is some kind of request to work out my situation, I turn to Instagram subscribers, and they advise a specialist, ”explains Nina.

In addition, a change of scenery and work help her to get distracted. But the most important thing is to help other people. This is what allows you to stay afloat even in the most difficult moments.