Contents
The signs that a relationship has no future
Gender
The psychologist expert in emotional dependence, Silvia Congost, addresses in her theatrical proposal ‘Understanding love to live better’ what are the reasons that lead to unhappiness and breakdown in a couple
“Those of them have two newscasts left to separate”, “they are like day and night, they don’t go anywhere”, “actually they are about to be in that couple” … What leads us to think that a relationship foreign or own has no future? And what is more important or even deeper, what is really having a future as a couple? Do those who marry, have children or live together have a better future than those who opt for other formulas? When the concept of the future is linked to a sentimental relationship, the perception is very different depending on the moment of life and the circumstances that each person lives. In fact, in many cases, social conventions can weigh more than the needs of the couple or the individual. On the occasion of the premiere of her theatrical proposal ‘Understanding love to live better’ we analyzed with the psychologist Silvia Congost, an expert in emotional dependence, what is hides behind the good and bad omens about the duration of love.
What are the reasons that lead a couple to extend a bond with no apparent future?
One of them may be by fear of being alone no longer finding another partner to share his life with due to wrong and limiting beliefs about love and relationships. Although it can also be the case of those who extend the bond due to emotional dependence, a very frequent toxic hook due to which that person feels unable to move on without their partner even if they are not well by their side. Lack of self-esteem and true self-worth are therefore the main reasons.
All of these possibilities are just as worrisome. Beliefs condition when it comes to acting and making decisions, so that they can make us freer or keep us trapped in a prison. And the emotional dependence it is so destructive that it can make us sick. As for the lack of self-esteem, it is something that negatively affects all areas of life, so investing in taking care of it and improving it is always worth it.
To what extent does the family environment, friends and society influence when maintaining a relationship?
It influences a lot. If we are wrong with someone (if only because they no longer attract us or because there is no desire) but our environment sees that they are a beautiful person, it will cost us more to face that pressure for fear of being judged, criticized, misunderstood or rejected . And although that is not our case and our partner is not really so good to others, it is true that society always pushes us to believe that we will be better if we are accompanied than if we are alone. What is not qualified is that this will depend on the type of company.
What does it really mean to have a future as a couple?
When we talk about having a future in a relationship, we mean that this relationship lasts over time and, if possible, lasts forever. When we believe that a couple has no future, we interpret it as that they are going to break up soon because they have nothing to do with each other or because they are very different or because they are looking for different things.
Are couples who only make short-term plans doomed to failure?
Not at all. The important thing is that both of you want the same plans. In addition, it is clear that it is more coherent to make short-term plans because we do not know the changes that life will bring us. The best thing to do is to go step by step, so that both of you feel comfortable.
If the future is not discussed, can there be a lack of commitment in the couple?
If we refer to those issues that have to do with the commitment between the two and one of the two does not want to move forward, this may be due to a lack of involvement, interest or security in the relationship. What’s more, if one of you wants and expects a level of commitment and involvement that you do not get from the other, it is likely that sooner or later there will be more serious conflicts.
Does the fear of projecting into the future increase if there have been previous bad experiences?
Yes, it usually affects the fact of having suffered a lot in the past and living in fear that this will happen again, but it can also be due to not being sure of the relationship with that person. Sometimes admiration or desire is lacking and that creates a brake that prevents us from moving forward and that often causes the relationship to end up breaking down.
What signs indicate that a couple has no future?
Some signs are that they do not coincide in any ‘hobby’ or accompany each other, that they do not like to do the same, that they think differently about what is important, that they argue often and cannot agree
Disrespects are also clear signs, that they do not speak with affection that they do not feel or show admiration, that they stop speaking, that they speak badly of the other to others or that one makes an effort to change the other because it does not meet their expectations . Another sign it is equally to feel alone in the relationship.
Let’s talk about the formula for success in love, what are the ingredients of a healthy relationship with a lasting foundation?
Some of these ingredients are having similar values, a similar idea of the future (life projection), thinking the same about what is truly important, accepting differences without trying to change each other, feeling desire, cultivating friendship between both, taking care of the communication, having compassion for the other … They are not few!
What changes in the case of long distance relationships?
They are complicated. The important thing for a long-distance relationship to work is that both of you feel comfortable with the number of encounters and the moments you share. And when they are not together there should be trust and tranquility in the couple. If not, the relationship will be a torment and it will not compensate us.
What must work to achieve solidity in a couple?
You have to talk a lot and try not to lose the moments together. They must continue to have ‘dates’ with each other in which they seek intimacy, they should both care about making the other happy and they should care about each other.
Is it possible to see at a glance that a couple has a healthy relationship?
Some cases that seem ideal and perfect from the outside are not really what they seem and sometimes in couples all that glitters is not gold. What provides a lot of information is how they are treated and, above all, how they talk about each other when the other is not present. There is usually admiration, respect and a lot of recognition in their words. One speaks of the other with pride and affection and that is a great sign.
Passionate about love
The psychologist Silvia Congost has more than 20 years of experience in a psychotherapy center in Madrid, Barcelona and Girona, in addition to performing online therapy with patients from all over the world. She is a lecturer, writer (some of her books are ‘Alone’, ‘Automatic self-esteem’ or ‘When to love too much is to depend’) and one of the benchmarks in Spain on issues related to couples. In fact, with his way of communicating, he aims to help free himself from destructive ties and build healthy relationships.
On June 21, he premieres at the EDP Theater in Madrid, ‘Understanding love to live better’, a format that mixes the conference with the experiential experience in which it will address the keys to having a healthy and lasting relationship.