The shopaholic code: how to deal with the obsessive desire to buy things

Buyer’s reflex

According to the theory of the American psychologist Burres Skinner, every time we manage to relieve stress with the help of some action, we receive positive reinforcement for this pattern and in the future return to these pleasant sensations with pleasure.

Therefore, if at least once, thanks to shopping, we got rid of sadness and anxiety, began to feel beautiful and self-confident, the recipe for a magic pill firmly settles in our heads – buy, buy and buy again.

The release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that plays an important role in the formation of motivation, also leads to uncontrolled consumption. It is responsible for the feeling of satisfaction. And the more often we perform actions that contribute to the production of this hormone, the more we want to repeat them again and again.

And that’s exactly what happens when the craving to possess something is finally satisfied at the checkout of the store.

Causes of shopaholism

If, on a physiological and behavioral level, making purchases means simply striving for a sense of satisfaction, then on a psychological level, everything is more complicated.

“There are a huge number of reasons why we regularly want to buy up half of the shopping center,” says psychologist and image coach Yulia Morekhodova. “It’s like we have a real time bomb planted inside of us, consisting of childhood traumas, regular stress and self-doubt, which is about to explode if a bright sign looms on the horizon.”

Yulia adds to this list the non-obvious triggers of oniomania – an irresistible desire to buy something.

Fears and crises

It would seem that with the current development of medicine and other areas of science, old age in the form in which we are afraid of it, does not threaten us until the age of 70-80. And if you regularly visit a psychotherapist, then worries about external age-related changes and the finiteness of life generally leave us forever.

However, despite this, many still remain in captivity of various phobias about age. “Hence the desperate race for trends, which often symbolizes an attempt to hide the fear that we feel before our own old age and death,” notes Yulia Morekhodova.

The pursuit of fashion never stops: spring, summer, autumn, winter, resort collection, New Year’s capsule, limited edition … Your head is spinning, and your wallet is empty before your eyes, as soon as you lose control of yourself for a second.

“An unhealthy obsession with trends can happen in people between the ages of 35 and 42 – that is, in moments of crisis. It’s good if a person notices this and turns to a specialist, it doesn’t matter if it’s a psychologist or a stylist: this is how the family budget is saved, and the level of stress remains within the normal range,” the expert concludes.

A sense of belonging

Depressing loneliness can also lead us to shopping centers and push us to make unnecessary purchases. When like-minded people are around – the same people who came to “shop” and find stunning outfits for themselves, the world blooms with new colors.

The basic sense of belonging – “everyone buys, and I buy” – as well as the friendly attitude of consultants, pushes us to make rash purchases.

“All unnecessary spending will be followed by a heavy sense of guilt and shame for excessive wastefulness and thoughtlessness in relation to finances, which means that after a shopping run we will feel even more loneliness and alienation from society,” says Yulia Morekhodova.

Control

If you go to the store under the influence of stress, most likely the roots of your shopaholism stretch from childhood. The lack of attention from parents has formed a habit of seeking it in all possible ways. Including with the help of a certain appearance – extraordinary or, conversely, the most understandable and ordinary. The latter is relevant if the parents were too demanding and the child developed a fear of standing out and attracting too much attention.

“Shopping is becoming a way to take control of life: to control the share of attention from others, as well as to manipulate the impression of oneself.

After all, when a salary comes to the card or a new credit card is in our hands, we feel special strength and unlimited possibilities. This means that we can do everything the way we want – for example, go to the store and buy things we like, rejoicing that we are creating our own life, ”emphasizes Yulia Morekhodova.

How to deal with uncontrolled consumption?

There are several methods by which we can neutralize our consumerism. Use them in a difficult moment: it will save both money and nerves.

Zyring, or shopping with your eyes, is one of the proven ways not to buy too much. Its essence is to visit shopping centers light – without money and credit cards. Things can be studied, tried on, you can make spectacular images with them, look for something unique. But at the same time, you simply won’t be able to buy the selected things, since you deliberately closed access to finance for this time.

“Weighing”. This method removes the obsessive desire to buy something right now. You do not deny yourself trying on the things you like, but only at the checkout, instead of buying, you ask to postpone everything (“weigh”) and say that you will return later. In a few hours, the desire to buy weighted blouses and trousers will subside, and by the morning of the next day it may completely evaporate. This means that the budget will remain intact and conscience will not eat from the inside.

“Visualization”. This method works more with online shopping: instead of clicking the “Pay” button, you send the selected products to the “Favorites” section. Take screenshots of things you like and save them to a separate folder or album. Look at them, figure out what to wear them with, make collages with images, form capsules out of them and look for alternatives in other price segments. After a while, the delight and feeling of novelty from the things in the pictures will pass, and you won’t want to buy them at all.