The rhythm of life, work, the flow of news and information, advertising that encourages us to buy faster. All this does not contribute to peace and relaxation. But even in a crowded subway car, you can find an island of peace. Psychotherapist and Psychologies columnist Christophe André explains how to do this.
Psychologies: What is serenity?
Christoph Andre: It is a calm, all-encompassing happiness. Serenity is a pleasant emotion, though not as intense as joy. It immerses us in a state of inner peace and harmony with the outside world. We experience peace, but we do not withdraw into ourselves. We feel trust, connection with the world, agreement with it. We feel like we belong.
How to achieve serenity?
K.A.: Sometimes it appears due to the environment. For example, when we climbed to the top of a mountain and contemplate the landscape, or when we admire the sunset… Sometimes the situation is completely unfavorable for this, but nevertheless we achieve this state, only “from the inside”: for example, in a crowded subway car we are suddenly seized with calmness. Most often, this fleeting feeling comes when life loosens its grip a little, and we ourselves accept the situation as it is. To feel serenity, you need to open up to the present moment. It is difficult if our thoughts go in circles, if we are immersed in business or absent-minded. In any case, serenity, like all positive emotions, cannot be felt all the time. But that’s not the goal either. We want to be serene more often, prolong this feeling and enjoy it.
And for this we will have to go to the skete, become hermits, break with the world?
K.A.: Serenity does suggest some freedom from the world. We stop striving for action, possession and control, but remain receptive to what surrounds us. It’s not about retreating into your own «tower», but about relating yourself to the world. It is the result of an intense, nonjudgmental presence in what our life is at this moment. It is easier to achieve serenity when a beautiful world surrounds us, and not when the world is hostile towards us. And yet moments of serenity can be found in the daily hustle and bustle. Those who give themselves time to stop and analyze what is happening to them, to delve into what they are experiencing, will sooner or later achieve serenity.
Serenity is often associated with meditation. Is this the only way?
K.A.: There is also prayer, reflection on the meaning of life, full awareness. Sometimes it is enough to merge with a calm environment, to stop, to stop chasing results, whatever they may be, to suspend your desires. And, of course, meditate. There are two main ways to meditate. The first involves focusing, narrowing of attention. You need to fully concentrate on one thing: on your own breathing, on a mantra, on a prayer, on a candle flame … And remove from consciousness everything that does not belong to the object of meditation. The second way is to open your attention, try to be present in everything — in your own breathing, bodily sensations, sounds around, in all feelings and thoughts. This is total awareness: instead of narrowing my focus, I make an effort to open my mind to everything that is around me at every moment.
The problem with strong emotions is that we become their captives, identify with them, and they devour us.
What about negative emotions?
K.A.: Subduing negative emotions is a necessary precondition for serenity. At St. Anne’s, we show patients how they can soothe their feelings by focusing on the present moment. We also invite them to change their attitude towards painful emotions, not to try to control them, but simply to accept them and thus neutralize their impact. Often the problem with strong emotions is that we become their captives, identify with them, and they devour us. So we tell patients, “Allow your emotions to be in your mind, but don’t let them occupy all your mental space. Open both mind and body to the outer world, and the influence of these emotions will dissolve into the most open and spacious mind.
Does it make sense to seek peace in the modern world with its constant crises?
K.A.: I think that if we do not take care of our inner balance, then we will not only suffer more, but also become more suggestible, more impulsive. Whereas, taking care of our inner world, we become more whole, fair, respect others, listen to them. We are calmer and more confident. We are more free. In addition, serenity allows us to maintain an inner detachment, no matter what battles we have to fight. All great leaders, like Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, have tried to go beyond their immediate reactions; they saw the big picture, they knew that violence breeds violence, aggression, suffering. Serenity preserves our ability to resent and resent, but in a more effective and appropriate way.
But is it more important for happiness to yield than to resist and act?
K.A.: You might think that one contradicts the other! I think it’s like inhaling and exhaling. There are moments when it is important to resist, act, fight, and other moments when you need to relax, accept the situation, just observe your emotions. This does not mean giving up, giving up, or submitting. In acceptance, if properly understood, there are two phases: to accept reality and observe it, and then to act to change it. Our task is to «respond» to what is happening in our minds and hearts, and not to «react» as emotions require. Although society calls on us to react, to decide immediately, much like the sellers who shout: “If you don’t buy this now, this product will be gone tonight or tomorrow!” Our world is trying to catch us, forcing us to think every time that the matter is urgent. Serenity is about letting go of false urgency. Serenity is not an escape from reality, but an instrument of wisdom and awareness.