Contents
The way out of the conflict begins with understanding — yourself and your opponent. But in the midst of a quarrel, talking directly to him can be difficult, and sometimes impossible. And yet we can do it if we ourselves play its part.
A fleeting skirmish on the street is unlikely to unsettle us for long. Another thing is mutual misunderstanding with loved ones. Parents and children, spouses and friends, boss or colleagues. Conflicts with them hurt much more. And one of the reasons for our chagrin is the belief that these people should understand us! And they, as if out of spite, do not want to enter into our position. Take the first step and temporarily take the opponent’s position. At the same time, you can look at yourself from the side. A heart-to-heart talk would be ideal. But after all, the conflict just means that we cannot talk calmly at the moment. And this is where a technique comes to the rescue, which in psychodrama is called “role reversal”.
Role exchange
In situations where you need to understand the position, thoughts, feelings of another person, but for some reason you cannot find it out directly, try to become a different person for a short time, play his role.
Role reversal is an effective, but not the easiest technique to perform. It works best for those who have already mastered the duplication technique well. However, if you do not have time to exercise, you can try to apply it right away. Those who succeed will discover an amazing thing for themselves: it turns out that you know much more about the inner world of another person than you thought.
How to use
1. Take a notebook and a pen. Set up two chairs.
2. One chair will denote you, the other — the person with whom the conflict situation arose.
3. Sit in the chair that represents you and imagine the person you want to understand in the empty chair. Using memory and imagination, try to «see» his posture, facial expression, characteristic gestures (maybe he or she shakes her head, stamps her foot, taps her fingers on her knee …)
4. From your chair, ask him a question that you think will clarify his position and the situation as a whole. For example: «Why don’t you agree with me?…» Write down your question in a notebook.
5. Sit in his chair, get into his role. Take a characteristic pose for him, reproduce gestures. Try to feel this person for 5-10 seconds. Then hear mentally your question (the one written in the notebook) and give it the answer that comes to mind first. Write down the answer in a notepad. For example: «It’s not about our argument, it’s just that your arrogant behavior lately annoys me.»
6. Return to your chair and imagine how you — already in your role — hear this answer.
7. You can ask other clarifying questions until you clarify the situation. Such exchanges of roles are made on average from three to seven.
Result
The role reversal technique is related to the existential approach in philosophy. And with the concept of «meeting» (or «dialogue»), which can be considered one of the key in this approach. «Dialogue» occurs between two people and implies their co-presence with each other — without labels, without prejudices, without trying to isolate themselves from each other, but with full self-awareness and openness towards the other person.
The constant practice of role exchange allows you to:
— quickly understand the main causes of disagreements in a relationship,
— take different points of view
— Improve relationships with people.
1 Cit. based on the book by I. Silchenko «Introduction to the theory of psychodrama» (Gomel, 1998).