Contents
The role of the father in raising a child – psychologist Irina Katin-Yartseva
The child’s psyche, the model of his relationship with the world is formed already in the first months of life. During this period, the main task of the dad is to support the mother, listen to how the day went and what worries her, and also give her a break, spending time with the baby in the evenings and weekends. Later, the role of the father is not limited to this. Our expert, psychologist, author of the book “10 Steps Towards a Child” Irina Katin-Yartseva tells about how the model of father’s relationship with a child is built.
March 12 2019
The active participation of men in the upbringing of children forms in them a high assessment of themselves and their work, the confidence that they can cope with any business with an effort, and the ability to forgive themselves for mistakes. If the dad pulls away, the preschooler may have a subconscious fear that he is not good enough, and adaptation to society becomes more difficult. Later, as the child grows up, he may have difficulty communicating with his own children. In an incomplete family, the most important thing for a woman is not to lock herself on the baby, to seek support from other relatives and friends. When there is no one to take care of the mother, she is emotionally and physically overwhelmed, suffering from anxiety for the child. In an effort to relieve anxiety, it is easy to go to the other extreme and become overprotective, which can delay maturation and development of independence.
Dad helps the girl to build self-esteem. For her, he is the first man, and how he behaves with her and with her mother depends on how her relationship with the opposite sex will develop in the future. It is important that the father tells his daughter that she is the best in the world, strong and capable, that she has the right to her own opinion, and her wishes and needs are very important. So she will learn to defend personal boundaries, value herself and say “no” if something does not suit her.
For a boy, his father is a role model, at an early age he often copies his facial expressions and gestures, demeanor, perceives it as a guarantor of safety: “My dad is the strongest!” Observing him, the child learns to find ways out of conflicts and to avoid them, to resist the offenders and get his way. Dad unconsciously motivates him to achieve, because maternal love, as a rule, is unconditional, and paternal love must be earned.
If the family is incomplete, the mother can also give a model of male behavior, but it is better that the child is surrounded by men – grandfather, uncle, older brother, teacher, coach. The boy should see by example how to act in certain situations.
Four tips to help young dads adjust to their new roles
As often as possible, let the man hold the baby in his arms – tactile contact promotes affection. Explain that you can understand a baby by focusing on the feelings that arise in response to his cry, which is most likely what he is trying to say.
Most parents experience difficulties because they do not know how and what to talk to their child. Tell your dad what is the best way to describe out loud what is happening around you. It is important to warn the baby about all my actions with him: “Now I will wipe you with a napkin, it is cool and wet.”
If, while waiting for the baby, the dad did not have time to arm himself with the knowledge about his development and care, it is not too late. Specialist books will help him with this.
Show the man that even a newborn can be played with. Remind that your child’s abilities are growing every day. Babies are able to recognize and imitate the facial expressions of adults, to distinguish geometric shapes, smells and sounds.
Activities for dad and child that will be interesting to both
Household chores. If cleaning or repairs are coming up, entrust the preschooler with a task. This will make him feel important. Making breakfast for mom on a weekend can be a good tradition.
Constructor and modeling. Both men and children love to build something alike. They will also be fascinated by the assembly of an airplane, a doll house from ready-made parts. The main thing is not to do everything for the child and allow him to make mistakes.
Role-playing games. It is an important element in the development of a child over four years of age. Dad can easily put on a whole show with toy soldiers, build a castle out of pillows, or organize a hut out of a table and blankets.
Scientific experiments. You can use available tools or buy ready-made kits in the store. As a rule, they are designed for children over three years old.
Kite. It is easy to make at home, and any time of the year is suitable for launching.