The rights of the child are ideas (as a rule, these ideas live in the form of beliefs and convictions) about the scope of what children can do freely without coordinating with their parents, and at the same time the scope of adults’ obligations towards children. For example, a student may have the right to decide for himself when he will do his homework, and the right to expect parents to provide him with normal living conditions.
How many rights does a child have? What are these rights?
Seriously, the child has no rights. The child has only the rights that the elders gave him (the parents gave it themselves or transferred it in accordance with the cultural norms accepted in society). In bad families, children seize their own rights and sit on the neck of their parents, and later on to everyone around them.
There is no natural “right of the child”, just as in principle no one has any naturally inherent “rights”. If there are groups of people who insist on their rights, there are groups of people who agree with the demands of the former. Or disagreeing — and pursuing their own policy.
When adults have power, they determine the rights of children. A civilized society has found it possible to give children the rights that are reflected in the Declaration on the Rights of the Child. These are not the natural rights of children, but the decision of adults, with the help of which they implement their policy towards children.
Likewise, all the responsibilities of a child are also determined by his parents. It is normal if a child turns out to be in the family not only a toy and an object of worship, especially not a source of screams and disorder, but a source of joy and benefit. You can already put your toys away — put them away. Can you help your mom? Loving parents assign duties to the child that are primarily useful to him and take care of his future. It is easier for mom in the kitchen to do everything herself, but a wise mother will call her daughter to help her, so that soon all cooking will become the responsibility of not the mother, but the daughter. With smart parents, everything should be done by children, and parents should only take care that children know how to do it and love it.
When the child has more strength (and in some families this is quite possible), he, the child, determines his rights and obligations of adults. In problem families, there are two extremes: either adults burden the child with responsibilities without giving him any rights, or they give children many rights, taking all the responsibilities on themselves. This is called being spoiled.
Everyone is equal before the court.
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An interesting experience in the community of Janusz Korczak, where there was a Court, before which both adults and children were equal. Watch the video «All are equal before the court»
In a normal situation, adults give rights to children in exchange for some obligations and responsibilities that they will take on. Actually, this is the main pedagogical method of teaching children to responsibility: “Do you want to be right? Please take it if you are ready to take on such and such a responsibility in return.
- Does the child want to put food on his own plate? «I myself!» — It’s great if you are ready to do it carefully (learn to do it carefully).
- «I can’t be punished!» “Of course, punishment is not good. And how can we negotiate without punishment, so that you do not offend your younger sister?
- The child insists that it is his right to decide whether to work or not. «This is my life!» — It’s great if you are ready to provide for yourself in your 20s. Are you ready to live on your own means?
In wise families, the child is accustomed to this gradually, this is done through the system of statuses of children. For example, it can be a system of statuses «Bobblehead», «Junior student» and «Senior student».
What is Pups? This is a sweet, beloved creature that has no duties and no rights. The child is in the status of a baby doll until about 4 years old, until he can do regular household chores. Baby doll can participate in the family council, namely, he can express gratitude and say his wishes and requests. He can, but he can’t vote. That is, of course, he can vote, but since he is only a Bobblehead, his voice is a toy and is not yet taken into account.
If a child wants to grow up, parents can give him the title of “Junior Student” when he is ready. Unlike Pups, he can already seriously vote in the family council, his vote really counts, and, in addition, he is the Pups Mentor, and Pups are obliged to obey him. And more sweets are also possible and he is often taken on trips with him, if only because he already knows how to behave in Supermarkets, he doesn’t scream, doesn’t cry and doesn’t take anything without asking. On the other hand, he will have responsibilities, namely: regular household duties, he must obey all the elders in the family well and must participate in home lessons (Bobblehead has the right not to participate).
As a child begins school, he (usually) receives the status of «Senior Student». He has significantly more responsibilities around the house, but also more rights — he can already walk alone. His rights at the Family Council are expanding: he can no longer only vote, but also put forward proposals for voting: proposals to go somewhere, somehow spend the weekend, as well as proposals to buy something. And the Elder travels with his parents on almost all trips (abroad, excursions), he can be taken to adult events and holidays, and most importantly, he can even go to work with his mother and help her there!
You understand that this is a description of a real family with real children. Description of a wonderful family with wonderful children… A dream! However, maybe you implement it?
And what to do with a child whom you have already missed and who has already convinced himself that serious work is not included in his children’s rights? The question is too big. For now, I recommend Karen Pryor’s book «Don’t growl at a dog, or about training animals and people» — and a short story told by my distance student Olga I .:
Summer vacation is, of course, a time of relaxation. But no one canceled life and household chores, so every morning, as a family, we make a to-do list in the usual way. My nine-year-old daughter Diana has her own diary “To Do of the Day”, where we write down 5-8 simple tasks for the day together with her: wash the dishes, read, pick berries, solve examples or rewrite the text, wash the floor, fill out the “Reading Diary”, wash your little things or weed the garden. In the evening, after returning from work, I admire the results of her work, admire her successes, praise, we rejoice together how much useful my daughter has done and how mature and independent she has become. After that, she joyfully runs outside to play with friends.
But this week, our nephew was visiting us, that is, the whole first day he just lay on the couch and played on the tablet. When I praised Diana, at the same time I asked him: “Vanya, what did you do useful? For family, for yourself? How many pages have you read? It turned out that he read very little or did not read at all. I decided that it was wrong, and began to act!
The first thing I did was ask his mom to take the tablet away from him. And after that she began to give him the same tasks as Diana. Indeed, he lives with us, which means our orders are here. And everything is fair: today Diana is washing the floor, and Vanya is washing the dishes. Diana picks berries, Vanya helps Diana weed the grass behind the house.
Now: sometimes children had to stay alone with a sick bedridden grandmother, and then I appointed one of them for the eldest. The first time it was Diana. I knew that Vanya would not like it very much: he is older than her, and in principle he likes to be in charge — in the sense he likes to command so that they listen to him.
When he once again made an offended face, I explained to him: “We have such a rule in our family — whoever does more useful things for the family has more rights and remains with the elder.” Vanya thought…
And when at the end of the week the children again had to be left alone, Vanya raised the question: “And who will be the elder today?” Of course, I asked what he did useful yesterday, and Vanya readily listed: he washed the dishes, took the grass to the compost pit, in addition, he read 2 chapters from the book and did 2 pages of exercises in complex tasks for the summer! Fine! I said that it seemed worthy to me, and asked my daughter’s opinion: what does she think? My daughter agreed with me.
Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah! When his father came for him, Vanya proudly told how he washed the dishes, weeded the garden and read!