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It may sound strange, but sexual rights are an important part of human rights. And although adolescents also have rights in the field of sex, they cannot fully enjoy them until they reach adulthood. Doctors Alexander Kulikov and Elena Meshkova discuss how the right of a teenager to control his body and the desire of adults to protect his physical and psychological health are combined.
The article was created specifically for the joint project PSYCHOLOGIES and the UNESCO Office in Moscow “Territory of TEENS: a guide for parents of adolescents.”
“Dear Sasha!
You are growing right before our eyes and have already turned into a handsome and charming young man. Looking at you, we feel pride and love and, frankly, some anxiety. Well, you know, parents never stop worrying about their kids…
You are probably no less surprised than we are by how you have changed, become such an attractive young man. You may have a strong sexual desire, you naturally want to experience new sensations, to find out how it happens. But don’t rush into it just because “everyone is already doing it” or because your peers pressure you to “become a man at last.”
First, your decisions about sex are your own business and nobody’s business. And whatever you choose, let your choice be responsible. Secondly, do not worry about the advancement of friends in this matter. Many exaggerate their “exploits” to impress.
Love and sex are not the same thing, don’t confuse them, don’t take one for the other.
Your views on life, on relationships between people, on love may differ from ours. The main thing is that your actions are deliberate, do not harm you and others, so that you do not regret them later.
If you need advice, if you cannot find the answer to something that torments you on your own – no matter whether this problem concerns sex, relationships with friends or school affairs – we will always listen to you, support and try to help.
Sasha, please remember that we love you very much and are proud of you.
Kiss, Mom and Dad”
Not every parent will dare to write such a letter to their teenage son. But surely many of us would have been important sometime in our youth to read something like that. Recognition of a new son or daughter in a new capacity, as a being endowed with sexual desires and needs, is not easy for parents, but it is this recognition that is a step towards ensuring that teenage sexuality does not become a source of problems – neither for the teenager himself, nor for his parents.
Teenage Sexuality: Parents Confused
Sexuality is a central aspect of being human. This is not only actually sexual contacts, but also the sexual identification of a person, and the birth of children as a result of sex. Sexuality is expressed in thoughts, fantasies, desires, beliefs, attitudes, addictions, actions, habits, gender roles and relationships. This is an innate quality of a person, which manifests itself in different ways in childhood and at different stages of growing up.
Adolescent sexuality is just as real as adult sexuality. But, as parents, we often forget our experiences of growing up and are ambivalent about the manifestations of sexuality in our children. There are many ways to “avoid”. Some try to pretend that their children simply do not have sexuality. Others shy away from any conversation on this subject, believing that it is harmful and encourages adolescent sexual activity ahead of time. Still others believe that they have the right to completely control this area of their children’s lives until they come of age or marry. By strict upbringing, silence, prohibition and control, they hope to protect their children from premarital affairs, sexual infections and other dangers. However, more often than not, they are quickly convinced that all this does not work. Only a few parents calmly and openly discuss intimate issues with their children, not seeing anything reprehensible in this, help them grow up, master the knowledge, norms and values necessary for life and make responsible decisions.
Elena Meshkova – Candidate of Medical Sciences, pediatrician of the highest category, Honored Doctor of Ukraine, Deputy General Director of the National Children’s Specialized Hospital “OKHMATDET” (Kyiv, Ukraine)
Alexander Kulikov — Doctor of Medical Sciences, Professor of the Department of Pediatrics and Pediatric Cardiology, Northwestern Medical University named after I. I. Mechnikov, Head of the Educational, Methodological and Scientific Center for the Development of Youth-Friendly Clinics (supported by UNICEF) (St. Petersburg, Russia).
A teenager has the right to dispose of his body?
In today’s youth, sexual attraction is formed by the age of 15-16, and marriage is delayed until 25-30 years. To protect adolescents from early (unwanted and dangerous) pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections, sex education programs have been introduced in Europe since the 1960s. Scientists, educators and society began to accept teenage sexuality as a normal phenomenon, with which it is pointless (and not necessary) to fight.
The HIV epidemic that began in the 1980s made sexual literacy highly demanded. Gradually, the practice of keeping silent about what happens in private life, namely about various forms of sexual violence, including in a couple (in relation to a woman) and in a family (in relation to children), which had not previously been discussed and not published, gradually disappeared. outside the family circle. Public opinion was already ready to extend the concept of “human rights” to sexual relations and reproductive behavior.
Along the path of empowerment
It took humanity several millennia to recognize that all people, both men and women, have the same rights.
In 1948, the UN General Assembly adopted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
In 1989, the Declaration on the Rights of the Child was adopted: it was signed by more than 195 countries of the world.
In 1994, at the International Conference on Population and Development in Cairo, representatives of 179 states recognized the importance of good reproductive health for people to enjoy their fundamental rights and adopted the concept of reproductive rights.
Women and men, adults and young people have the right to:
- freely and without coercion and violence to make decisions regarding sexual behavior, marriage and childbearing;
- to a safe and pleasurable sex life;
- seek and receive complete and reliable information about sexuality and reproductive health, its preservation, including the prevention of sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies;
- to receive quality medical services for reproductive and sexual health with respect for confidentiality;
- for protection from sexual violence, and discrimination based on gender and sexual orientation.
However, when it comes to teenagers, they still cannot fully exercise their sexual rights. The scope of their rights is different at 14, 16 and 18 years old. In particular, marriage is usually not possible before marriageable age. For medical and social reasons, early birth of children is not recommended. But, just like adults, adolescents have the right to make independent decisions regarding their sexual behavior, the choice of a friend or girlfriend, partner, to enjoy sexual relations.
Adolescents also have the right to information about sex, contraception, sexually transmitted infections, and information about what sexual violence is and how to deal with it. In practice, this means the right to sex education and education in the family and at school and to independently seek and receive information on these issues.
Sexuality and health
Sexual health is a state of physical, mental and social well-being associated with sexuality. This requires a positive and respectful approach to sex and sexual relationships, as well as the opportunity to have pleasurable and safe sex, free from coercion, discrimination and violence*. To avoid health and legal problems, some countries have legislated the right to sex education**. In the Russian Federation, children and adolescents should receive spiritual and moral education, sanitary and hygienic education at school, and learn the skills of a healthy and safe lifestyle. In Armenia, the law establishes the right of persons from 10 to 18 years of age to sexual education and protection of sexual and reproductive health, including the right to be informed about puberty, to have the necessary knowledge about artificial termination of pregnancy, about sexually transmitted diseases, and to receive in a benevolent and confidentiality, accessible and comprehensive medical advice, and, if necessary, medical assistance on issues related to puberty, sexual and reproductive health. In the Republic of Moldova, minors have the right to protection of their reproductive health and sexual education, which should be carried out jointly by the family and educational institutions. In Kazakhstan, minors are given the right not just to sexual education, but to moral and sexual education. Adolescents also have the right to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections in many ways, such as abstaining from sexual intercourse altogether or using various means of protection, such as condoms and contraceptives (selected with the help of a doctor). In 1994, the teaching of valeology, the science of human health, was introduced in Ukrainian schools. Then it was replaced by the lessons of “Fundamentals of Life Safety” (OBZh) and “Fundamentals of Health”. At the lessons of “Fundamentals of Health”, included in the compulsory program, there are topics devoted to sexual education. The main focus is on the prevention of unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections and HIV infection. Classes are held in the form of trainings or confidential conversations with the teacher and medical workers.
Information about methods of maintaining reproductive health and safe sexual behavior is in demand among young people. Upon reaching the age of 15–16, a teenager has the right to receive information of interest to him from a doctor without the knowledge of his parents. In addition, adolescents are entitled to receive reproductive and sexual health care. Starting from the age of 15 in Russia, from the age of 16 in Belarus, Kyrgyzstan and Moldova, adolescents can independently apply to medical institutions. In Ukraine, you can independently undergo an HIV test from the age of 14. But often, fears that parents may become angry or punished when they learn about their child’s sexual health problems deter adolescents from seeking timely medical help. Many do not know where to turn, how to choose a good doctor. Often the cost of medical services becomes an obstacle to getting help.
Adolescents have the right to be protected from sexual abuse and coercion into sexual relations. Often the rapist belongs to the child’s inner circle – a friend of the parents, a neighbor, a relative, a teacher, a coach. The task of parents is to recognize in time among the child’s environment people who pose a threat to him, and listen to alarm signals coming from the child himself regarding the unusual behavior of familiar adults. In addition, it is important to teach the child the rules of behavior with strangers and peers.
The right to decide
A first crush, a desire to establish a relationship, or the fear of losing a partner can cause confusion in adolescents about how to behave in a situation of overt or covert pressure or coercion. Therefore, it is better for parents to talk to the child in advance and explain that love and violence are incompatible, that true love is based on respect, and that everyone has the right to decide for himself with whom, when and how to communicate, make friends or build more intimate relationships. Who, if not parents, can help a teenager gain faith in himself, in his worth and independence!
In a patriarchal society, young people had to strictly follow the requirements of traditions and the will of their elders, including in matters of marriage and intimate relationships. From the girl was expected obedience and submission to a man and husband. Today, external social control is giving way to self-control, which parents must teach their growing children. Explain to your child that it is his right:
- show attention, accept or refuse its manifestations from the other;
- say NO to courtship;
- make an appointment or refuse it;
- offer to do something or refuse to do something, even if a friend/girlfriend really wants it;
- refuse to have sex with anyone, even after a date for which a lot of money or effort has been spent;
- stop meeting with those who offended, insulted, humiliated (in public or face to face);
- part with the one who hurts, even despite the feeling of love for this person;
- be listened to, ask for help if needed.
“Unforbidden” sexuality – increased responsibility
Where, as a result of changes in parental attitudes, teenage sexuality ceased to be taboo, it became the subject of intra-family communication, argued the sociologist, anthropologist and sexologist Igor Kon. As a result, boys and girls are more likely to accept responsibility for the consequences of their actions.
“An informed person in matters of sex can avoid many problems in his own life and in the sexual education of his children. If problems arise (for example, infertility, sexual impotence, sexually transmitted diseases, sexual harassment), the knowledge gained in this area will help to successfully cope with them. Awareness of the nature of sexuality makes a person more sensitive and attentive to other people, thereby helping to strengthen intimate relationships and achieve more complete sexual satisfaction. Sexual literacy can lead people to act intelligently and responsibly towards each other and help them make important decisions in this area. In short, sexual education is an invaluable preparation for life.”*
I. Kon “Adolescent sexuality on the threshold of the XXI century” (Phoenix, 2001).
Measure desires, be responsible for actions
Of course, rights are inseparable from duties. A teenager must understand that he is responsible for his actions, including those of a sexual nature, in relation to other people. It should be explained to the child that if one partner is not yet ready for sexual activity, the other should also refuse it. If young people start having sex, they should always be aware of the possibility of pregnancy, of protecting their partner from possible sexually transmitted infections. Unfortunately, many couples, knowing about the dangers of sexual infections and the dangers of abortion for a woman, do not use protection. Talk to your child about the need to respect the boundaries in relationships set by a friend / girlfriend, discuss and measure your desires and ideas about what is permissible with the desires and ideas of another person, and therefore refuse touching and sex if a friend / girlfriend does not want it.
If a teenager who has reached the age of 14 has committed violent acts of a sexual nature, he can be held criminally liable. Relationships between adults and adolescents are punishable by law, even if they are consensual: any non-violent sexual activity is criminalized if it is committed by a person who is already 18 years old against a teenager who has not yet reached the “age of consent” ( the age at which consent to sexual relations is recognized by law; in Russia, Ukraine and other CIS countries – 16 years).
Information and education alone will not lead to a culture change, it is only the first step towards avoiding sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancies. Adolescents also need to have access to age-appropriate medical and psychosocial care that they can apply for without fear of publicity and stigmatization.
* For more information see the WHO website: who.int/topics/sexual_health/en
** Law of the Republic of Armenia dated December 26, 2002 No. ЗР-474 “On Reproductive Health and Human Reproductive Rights”, Law of the Republic of Moldova dated May 24.05.2001, 185 No. 18.09.2009 “On Protection of Reproductive Health and Family Planning”, Code of the Republic of Kazakhstan dated September 193, 21 No. 2011-IV “On the health of the people and the healthcare system”, Federal Law of November 323, 29 No. 2012-FZ “On the basics of protecting the health of citizens in the Russian Federation”, Federal Law of December 273, XNUMX No. XNUMX-FZ “On education In Russian federation”
The article was created specifically for the joint project PSYCHOLOGIES and the UNESCO Office in Moscow “Territory of TEENS: a guide for parents of adolescents.”
The information and materials contained in this publication do not necessarily reflect the views of UNESCO. The authors are responsible for the information provided.