The recipe for happiness from the Harvard professor who knows the most about positive psychology

The recipe for happiness from the Harvard professor who knows the most about positive psychology

Psychology

Gratitude, acceptance of painful emotions, exercise and quality time with the people we care about are some of the keys to happiness defended by Tal Ben-Shahar, pioneer of the study of positive psychology at the University Harvard

The 10 obstacles that prevent you from being happy

“Being happy is something that should be taught in schools, like mathematics or language is taught” … Tal Ben-Shahar is known as the happiness guru of the XNUMXst century. He pioneered a positive psychology seminar in Harvard When the discipline was barely known, only eight students signed up for those first classes. Today he is one of the most popular professors at this university and his classes exceed 1.400 students per semester.

He currently offers conferences and consulting around the world and his key topics include concepts such as leadership, ethics, happiness, self-esteem, education or resilience. He has also published several books including ‘Happier: Learn the secrets to daily joy and lasting fulfillment’, ‘Short cuts to happiness: life-changing lessons from my barber’ and ‘The Joy of Leadership: How Positive Psycology can maximize your impact (and make me happier) in a challenging world ‘.

This week Tal Ben-Shahar invites at the SM Education Congress, ‘One Hundred Flying’ (April 14-15), to rethinking the concept of happiness in times of pandemic. At ABC Bienestar we have consulted you about some of your most powerful concepts around social relationships, friendship, handling negative emotions or daily routines to increase happiness.

What values ​​and attitudes should we work towards to be happy in times of pandemic?

The first thing to do when the going gets tough is give us permission to be human, to embrace whatever emotion arises, no matter how unpleasant or unwanted. Rather than rejecting fear or frustration, anxiety or anger, it is better to allow them to run their natural course.

And how to express emotions instead of repressing them?

– We can keep a journal, write about whatever we are feeling. We can also open up, talk to people we trust. And of course giving us permission to open our floodgates and cry instead of holding back our tears.

Express gratitude can help us in difficult times. Extensive research confirms that our appreciative muscles make us happier and healthier. Spend two minutes a day, upon waking or before bed, writing down the things you are grateful for. We can always find something to be thankful for, even in the midst of difficulties. Whether your list includes important or minor items, the benefits of practice can be substantial. Because when we appreciate the good, we appreciate it, we value it.

And it also helps exercise. It is unfortunate that one of the first things to fall by the wayside in stressful times is our inclination to move. But there is no more important time to exercise than now. Take a 30-minute walk outside or, if you are quarantined at home, take part in one of the many high intensity or HIIT training practices available online. Exercise not only makes us physically stronger, it contributes significantly to our psychological strength.

And what about our relationships with others?

Relationships are arguably the number one predictor of physical and mental health. Is always important spending quality time with the people we care about and who care about us, especially in times of stress. And although the appeal of screens may be stronger than that of real people, it does not provide the psychological and physiological benefits of face-to-face interactions. Whenever possible, disconnect (from technology) to connect (with people).

How do you deal with the barrage of bad news?

– The best way to deal with the depressing and demoralizing impact of the constant barrage of bad news is by distraction. Distraction is not synonymous with denial. We are not burying our heads in the sand when we think of anything other than the threat of Covid-19. In fact, constantly thinking about the virus because it is what everyone talks about, is unhealthy and useless. So what can we do? There are countless options. Watching your favorite series, listening to the music you love, engaging in a hobby, playing with your family and friends… All of this can be a healthy form of distraction.

Shakespeare wrote that “there is nothing good or bad but thoughts make it that way.” While the British playwright could have taken this rethinking too far, the truth is that we have a great deal of control over how we interpret and therefore experience a situation. Ask yourself what are the possible advantages of the current situation. Refocusing does not imply that you should or can rejoice in what happens. Things don’t necessarily happen for the better, but you can choose to make the most of them.

What are the main enemies of happiness in times of pandemic?

Today it is mainly technology, or rather the addiction to technology. The virtual is related to the real!

And how do you make good use of technology to be happy?

We must limit our consumption of technology. The moderation it’s key. Making good use of technology means using it to facilitate face-to-face interactions, and when we cannot have these in-person meetings, technology is used to have deep and meaningful conversations.

During the pandemic we have changed the way we relate to others, how does this affect mental health?

Relationships are critical to true and lasting happiness. There are two things that are important in our approach to relationships. First, that we prioritize them. Today, too many people prioritize work and / or money, and relationships take a backseat. Time with the people we care about and who care about us is critical to happiness. In second place, relationships must be real. A thousand friends on social networks do not replace the best friend. Face-to-face interactions, without the interference of technology, are important. And if we cannot meet face-to-face due to social distancing, then we must do everything possible to maintain deep relationships rather than falling into superficiality.

Does our character influence the perception of happiness?

While there is some genetic component to our happiness (some people are born with a happy disposition and others not), our genes define a range, not a fixed point. We can all become significantly happier, even though some people have it easier than others. AND most people do not reach their potential for happiness. So yes, some people tend to be sad, anxious, or angry more than others, and yet we still have a lot of control over what we do with our genetic predisposition.

Are there toxic people?

Yes Emotions are contagiousSo when we are surrounded by optimistic people we become more optimistic, and when we are surrounded by pessimistic people we become more pessimistic. Similarly, people who complain a lot, of course, impact our well-being, and we begin to see the negative in things more than we usually do. That said, what we don’t want is people who ignore what is bad or negative in the world. The best view of the world is the realistic one. There are ups and downs in the world, positive and negative.

You defend that the emotions that we consider negative help to be happy …

– First of all, painful emotions they are natural and there is not much we can do about it. We need to embrace and accept them rather than fight and reject them. When we accept painful emotions, they don’t linger longer than expected; when we reject them, they intensify and become stronger.

Second, we also learn and grow from painful experiences: we become more thoughtful and empathetic towards others.

What are the best techniques to train the mind to be happier?

La meditationMindfulness is a powerful practice that can literally change the way your brain works. Also, regularly expressing gratitude can go a long way in helping us to be more positive, optimistic, and ultimately happier.

What is the most important thing that we must teach a child so that he learns to be happy?

That life is not always easy and that you will inevitably experience hardships and difficulties, pain and sadness. At the same time, there are things you can do to help yourself and others cope with these difficulties and experience joy, love, and happiness.

Are you happy?

I am certainly happier today than 30 years ago when I started studying happiness. At the same time, I hope to be happier in five or ten years than I am today. Happiness is not a point to be reached, but rather a journey, a journey that ends when life ends.