The psychologist called the main perversion in sex

Even loving couples can get used to each other over time. If you speak correctly, then this is not exactly addictive, but rather a cooling process. Our brain is an ergonomic structure that minimizes all energy costs in the long run. At the beginning, you had a drive, because this is a new relationship. But over time, there is a «settlement» and stagnation. As a result, we find most of the points, nuances, features, find out exactly how our partner likes it. And the very last stage — you come to a physiological pose like «turned on your side, quickly finished everything, both are fine.»

In fact, all vapors are cooled. People who say phrases like «I’ve been married for 20 years and we still have a drive» are a little cunning. It just means that a person takes a drive from internal or external resources. There are also physiological and age-related changes. For example, women experience congestion in the pelvic area, it happens that blood circulation is disturbed there or muscles are relaxed, especially after childbirth. Not everyone knows that it is necessary to train them. Even after pregnancy, there is often no lubrication — nature «asks» to rest until the next birth.

In fact, many factors influence sex life: both the birth of children and financial issues. The higher the intellectually developed person, the lower his interest in the sexual sphere. This is how the brain works, which sublimates and represses this desire. You can’t completely give up your sex life. But we know that the absence of a man is not the same as the absence of an orgasm. First of all, women need to accelerate blood flow, otherwise this is the first step towards oncology.

We don’t have sex — he doesn’t want me?

As soon as you in a couple have a refusal of «marital duty», you need to pay attention to this. This does not mean that the husband does not want you, because he has someone. But it is important to understand that this stagnation is comfortable for men. They do not need to strain: they have the whole process in the penis, and for women — in the head. It is clear that with age, libido decreases, and it must be stimulated. All people have a different sexual constitution: strong, medium or weak. There are various tests on the Internet to determine this index. Both partners must pass this test in order to understand their constitution.

You cannot fix the sexual constitution, but you can add a «wow effect» to stimulate your brain and your contacts. How it works? Most often, with long-term relationships, this is required by women. There are, of course, men who can add sparkle. But this is a small percentage of romantics who will light candles or bring them to a sex shop for a new toy. It’s great to have such partners. True, a woman herself should educate this in her man.

«Wow-effect» is selected individually for each couple. Someone likes what happens behind a closed door in the dark under a blanket, someone likes it in a park or on a table. As a sexologist, they ask me if this is normal. Yes, good. As one of my professors said, the main perversion in sex is its absence. It’s a matter of taste. Therefore, for the wow effect, you need to get out of your comfort zone, take some risk. If a person wants a drive and an adrenaline rush, you can’t do without it. We get to know a partner from a different perspective and in a new context. If you are still an avid conservative, then an innovative way of life can unsettle you. But a reasonable shake-up can be quite appropriate.

But what should be done anyway?

As sad as it may sound, a woman is more likely to take these first steps in innovation. If you have an idea about something new, then ask yourself if this thought and fantasy really excites you. If the heart skipped a beat, then it’s time to discuss it with a partner. The problem with people is that they do not know how to negotiate and discuss. Just take and pronounce your thoughts with examples, emotions. Make a rough step-by-step scenario: where, under what circumstances, some details, what to do if something goes wrong.

Maybe you would like to play a role-playing game? Men rarely practice this, but women love it. Be sure to finish your role so that there is a happy ending. I’ll give you an example. If, for example, you play the boss and the subordinate, then give the power role to the man, and stay weak to the end. If you are in a dominant role, then do not stray, bring the matter to the final. If everything turned out well with the scenario, then we go further — we conduct our experiment. And then draw a conclusion — did you like it, is it worth trying.

Even if you have children at home all the time or have problems with money, you can still achieve this effect. In the modern world, there is something to do with children, there is where to send them. Nobody canceled not very expensive, but beautiful places with good surroundings and an aesthetic bathroom to chat in a special way. You can refresh the relationship even in the fitting room, pet yourself or your partner a little. This is now not condemned and is not considered something out of the ordinary.

To turn on the brain drive, you can start by using some kind of lubricant, for example, with a warming or cooling effect. For many, this effect will work even without any additional intimate toys. The next step is to add physical activity. In general, less beer and more activities. If you have a lot of children or stress, then you most likely have a disrupted circadian rhythm. In this case, you need to give yourself some sleep and then start to establish a sexual life. First we close the basic needs, and then everything else. True, this principle can also work vice versa: if you have a stomachache or a headache, you can have sex or masturbate.

Wow effect with anchoring

If we create a “wow effect”, this does not mean that we need to buy a suitcase of sex toys and immediately try them all in action or run to a sexologist. No, we take one toy and stir up our interest in it. We used to prepare for the evening final. Remember yourself in the early years of a relationship, when you carefully selected clothes and underwear, and then fantasized about some kind of action. Over time, we stop doing it. We stop giving our partner visual or auditory «enticements» (depending on your partner’s perception).

It is very important to talk with your partner, because sometimes couples come to me for an appointment and begin to discuss their fantasies. And it turns out that both wanted something, but were afraid: “what if he / she will laugh at my such desire.” The plan of action is this: just try to prepare for your partner once a month some new, mood-warming element — an “anchor”. You will prepare for this day, think about it, fantasize and tune in. And your partner will soon «anchor» and will wait for this day no less than yours.

In general, take care of yourself, study your body, buy new underwear, increase your libido. Self-esteem plays a big role. Ignore wrinkles and cellulite. The sooner you accept yourself, love your body, the sooner you will begin to enjoy.