The brutal murder of a woman in Voskresensk shocked many. After only 6 days in Zainsk, a man inflicted several stab wounds on his ex-wife. The topic of domestic violence is raised again and again in society, and so far there are more questions than answers. Why do victims hesitate to leave aggressive partners for a long time? And how can we help them today?
In Voskresensk, near Moscow, a man broke into a kindergarten and killed his wife, who worked there as a teacher. The suspect has been arrested and a criminal case under the article “Murder” has been initiated against him. He admitted his guilt and indicated jealousy as the main motive. It is this feeling that most often underlies domestic violence, the result of which can be the death of one of the partners.
We want to believe that the world is fair and that there is a reason for everything. When we learn that in one family or another a woman suffered from domestic violence and the case ended in her death, we ask ourselves: “But why did she live with him, so cruel and jealous, at all? Why didn’t she leave?”
The answer to these questions is simple to disgrace: that’s why she lived because she was afraid to leave. The consequences of such a “rebellion” can be unpredictable – including tragic. We cannot predict how a partner who is prone to aggression will behave when his victim tries to escape. Anonymous sources say that the deceased planned to divorce her husband, complained to her colleagues about the beatings on his part …
According to statistics, in Russia every 20 minutes someone becomes a victim of domestic violence. And most of the victims do not reach the police or withdraw the application without bringing the case to a divorce or court.
Why do they behave like this? There are many reasons.
- Not everyone understands that this should not be the case. Many of us grew up in families where child and partner abuse was accepted, this experience is familiar to us. We may go years without realizing that we are being mistreated and believing that this is how everyone lives, this is normal.
- When thinking about a divorce from a partner who raises a hand against us, we seek support from those around us. But often we don’t find it … How many times have we heard the saying that “the husband is the head, and the woman is the neck”, “beats means she loves”?
- Often a woman simply has nowhere to go: relatives cannot or do not want to support, and there are too few shelters – shelters in which you can hide from a dangerous partner.
- Our legislation is imperfect, and this also forces women to remain silent about domestic violence. The penalty for beating will be paid from the family budget, and for many this is a significant amount. Especially if we are not talking about residents of large cities. It turns out that the punishment for an aggressive spouse will affect the entire family if the case is investigated.
We can stop condemning those who experience domestic violence, whether or not they have left a dangerous partner.
Yes, there are those who, despite everything, left difficult relationships – and they are rightfully proud that they were able to change their lives for the better. However, we are all different, everyone has a different amount of strength and resources. What is possible for one woman will be absolutely impossible for another.
Does this mean that women are to blame for being bullied by their partners? No. Does this mean that we have a moral right to condemn them for being victims? A thousand times no.
So far, the salvation of those drowning in abusive relationships remains the work of the drowning themselves. But we can do something so that there are fewer cases like the murder in Voskresensk.
- We can talk openly about the experienced episodes of violence, share our experience.
- We can listen to the voices of those who are talking about him right now – and support them.
- We can stop condemning those who have and are experiencing domestic violence, whether they have left a dangerous partner or have not yet decided to do so.
And you don’t have to be a psychologist to do it. Enough to be human.
8 800 7000 600 is the first all-Russian free helpline for women who have experienced domestic violence.