The presence of the father at birth: expert opinion

“If a woman is not alone, she is calmer and more comfortable”

Ekaterina Khersonskaya, obstetrician-gynecologist

I love it when relatives or girlfriends come to give birth (today this is in the order of things). If a woman is not alone, she is calmer and more comfortable, she has someone to share with, someone to complain about pain and fear … But it is especially good if her husband is next to the woman. And these are not just words: I am now speaking from the position of mothers – I see how pleased they are.

As for intimate moments, physiology, which, in general, men are afraid of, the doctor will never allow anyone present to see what they should not see. We may ask to come out or stand aside if we are performing manipulations or when the labor itself begins. I believe that a doctor always has the opportunity to do everything delicately and beautifully.

By the way, women themselves are afraid of embarrassing moments. They want to feel freer, not to be ashamed of anything, not to be distracted by anything, to listen to the doctor and the midwife. It’s another matter when everything is over: if the father is nearby, he will immediately see the child, he will be able to hug him, take him in his arms … Many dads agree to cut the umbilical cord, we have a whole ritual. And then you should see a man: he washed his hands, put on gloves, stands, does not breathe, worries … All this is very touching and leaves no one indifferent.

Men, for their part, also often talk about the difference in perception – it is one thing to see a child on the third or fourth day, and another immediately after birth. To be honest, few could keep from crying! And I often hear them talking on the phone – it seems that with the whole world. From the side it seems that they themselves gave birth, and not their wives. “Well, congratulations, we just gave birth…”; “Yes, I was, yes, I gave birth, yes, I saw everything …” They are overwhelmed with joy and pride.

You can also be present in the operating room. Now there are so many different materials that cover, cover, fence off, those present will never see what they don’t need: a caesarean section is a big medicine, not for ordinary people … But then the child was born, they put him on the changing table, the midwife takes care of him, we we invite the father to enter, take the child to the children’s department, that is, to become the first who took the newborn in his arms!

I can’t say that relatives in childbirth have ever interfered with me. On the contrary, they help: they see everything themselves, they understand everything, in emergency situations they help a woman make a decision. Openness generally removes questions and eliminates distrust, allows you to experience any situation. And it is important for men to control the situation. Of course, it can be both scary and difficult for them to be around and not be able to help in any way. Some even lose their temper. But this is normal, there is no need to be afraid or ashamed of this.

“Childbirth has magical powers. Enhance all the good, but also enhance the negative”

Nadezhda Kupriyashina, psychologist

Ten years ago, the presence of a father at childbirth looked exotic. Men were worried and worried, experienced fears and doubts – “do I need this, how much of a man’s business” … Now it seems to have been decided that it is necessary, even necessary, to be present, this is not a tribute to fashion, but a normal step, because a child is born in a pair, in family.

But the old question remained – I will come to the birth, I will see all this, and … what will happen next? I believe that there are contraindications for partner childbirth. I would recommend thinking about whether to go, in a situation where the couple experienced a serious crisis shortly before the birth (and there was neither time nor opportunity to deal with it). During pregnancy, such things happen not so rarely. Often in such a situation, partners perceive childbirth as a kind of cleansing event, catharsis – now we will give birth to a child, after which all negativity will be overcome.

This is not true. Childbirth has magical powers. They reinforce all the good that has been accumulated in the relationship, but also reinforce the negative that was in the pair. The second contraindication: a man has a fear of medical institutions, manipulations, doctors, operations, for example, because of the negative experience gained in childhood.

“If dad is not ready, don’t torture him”

Lyudmila Fokina, doctor of ultrasound diagnostics

It is good if during pregnancy a man has the opportunity to visit a doctor with his wife or go to an ultrasound examination, go to childbirth with his wife. In this case, he receives first-hand information, and this reduces anxiety. On the other hand, one must understand that the male psyche is not very ready for what happens to a woman during pregnancy and childbirth.

Future dads are simply not adapted by nature to these realities. But some mothers believe that absolutely all the information should be conveyed to the husband, not paying attention to the fact that his emotions are going through the roof. This, of course, is overkill. There should be involvement, but the father’s role, in my opinion, is to provide comfort in the family, psychological and material, and not to be aware of all the intricacies of the pregnancy process. If dad is not ready, do not torment him, otherwise the effect will be the opposite – he will start to get nervous.

Perhaps women do this in order to awaken instincts in him, but in a normal man they will wake up on their own. In any case, I would not judge what kind of father he would be, only by the fact that he was inseparably there for all nine months. Everything is much thinner. When a woman comes to my appointment and says that her husband cannot come because of work, I always answer that it’s good, dad should work, and so that he knows everything, we will send him a photo, shoot a movie for him. Dad should have no time, I think so.