The power of love: how beloved is beloved?

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How do we understand that this is love, and not cheap stuff? How do we define the power of love, which helps us answer the questions “Do I love or not? Love or just love? How much do I love? How many people — so many answers.

Everyone has their own language of love: the language of attentiveness or the language of gifts, the language of time given only to you — or the language of help, the language of greedy sex, gentle touches, the language of admiring words and the language of obedience. If you and your loved one speak different languages ​​of love, then the strongest love may seem to be none, there is misunderstanding between you …

Everyone has their own signs of love — those markers and beacons that signal a person that he loves. Someone speaks of the power of love simply by the totality of signs, however, the signs of love speak no longer about the power of love, but about its volume and boundaries. Here it is — here it is not. It was here, it ended here.

To questions about the power of love, women often look for an answer in the heart and feelings: the heart trembles, next to it I lose my will — beloved. Men (if they are not only boys, but men) more often answer these questions with decisions and deeds. I chose, made up my mind, made an offer, gave my word — I keep my word and I am proud that I love.

For some, everything is simple: either I love or I don’t love, there is no third way. People with a finer mental organization know both the shades and the strength of feelings, they can notice their spiritual cooling, and someone can support their inner burning.

Those for whom love is equal to falling in love↑ measure the strength of love by physical attraction to the beloved and a share of folly: brain blows — it means that love is strong. The strength of love-passion is assessed by the willingness to commit recklessness for the sake of a loved one, to throw at the feet of the beloved everything that was dear earlier. Apart from spending money. But if the mind is preserved (or restored) — love is not in force.

Experienced people measure the power of love by time and the depth of suffering at the loss of a loved one. The widow cries — it means she loved. For many, «Love or not» is defined simply by how painful it is to lose that person.

If it doesn’t hurt, then it’s not loved, if it hurts, then it’s loved. It hurts terribly — very beloved …

To be more precise, this is not quite love. This is pre-love, this is need, this is attachment. As Vladimir Levy wisely wrote,

Love is measured by the measure of forgiveness,

attachment — the pain of farewell …

With the growth of personality, the criterion «I love or not» becomes different. “Beloved” begins to mean: I am attentive to you, I talk to you, you are dear to me, for your sake it’s not difficult for me to give in, I’m ready to forgive you what I don’t forgive others, I take care of you with joy. But at the same time, if something happens to you, if you leave, I can not torment myself … If love was not mutual, then there is no point, and if you loved me, then you yourself always wished me only happiness, and that is dear to me, what is dear to you.

But another person: he will not care about you, he will swear at you, yell, you are to blame for everything for him. But if he breaks up with you, he will suffer, suffer, shoot himself, he will be terribly hurt.

Question: what kind of person do you need? Who does nothing, but only scandals and then suffers from guilt; or who cares and loves lightly? If you want him to also suffer when you are not around, then the question is: why?

For adults, love is still care and attention when you are together, and not torment after parting. People of the active type measure the power of love by their willingness to conquer, to give gifts and to take care of them carefully: to rejoice at the opportunity to take care of their loved one.

The wife cares — it means she loves. At night, the inscription appeared on the pavement: «Good morning, my love!» — after all, someone did not sleep at night to bring out each letter, to give his beloved — joy.

Love is measured not by suffering and fear, but by joy and deeds. Care and attention, craving for a person and the joy of being together, the desire to give and responsibility in obligations — this is the main axis that measures the power of love.

What is love worth: the place of the beloved (beloved) on the scale of values

However, even having decided on the axis, we have not yet answered the question — where is my or your love located on this axis? Each of us has our own hierarchy of life values, and each love takes its place in this hierarchy. Any girl is interested in what place she occupies in the heart of a young man: if she is higher than beer, but lower than her mother, it’s a shame. If you are taller than all other women, but after business, it is normal. Yes? Not? See →

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.