The path to independence

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ Until a person knows how to take personal responsibility, he is usually denied independence. The one who takes on more responsibility gets the right to be more independent, gets the right to his own: to personal rights and personal territory.

I will lead the parade!

The path to independence goes through the understanding that independence is given to those who take responsibility for themselves and for their lives↑ If a person can say “I take it upon myself (under my responsibility)!” — and keep his word, those around (or management) for this give him the right to independently, personally resolve issues in his area of ​​​​responsibility. From this moment on, a person can be advised, if he does not mind, and cannot be imposed: this is already his personal territory.

Steps:

• learning to live independently
• stop being afraid to solve problems on your own, do everything yourself (most). Development of courage and self-confidence.
• phasing out outside help
• a transition to caring for those who until now have provided for us, as well as patronized and controlled.

History from the forum

Until the age of 26, I lived mainly on my mother’s money. He first got a job at the age of 25. I earned my first money at the age of 23.

Now: for more than a year I have been living only on my own money (including rent, dental treatment and everything else). As a result: my self-esteem jumped up sharply, girls began to like me (this is an understandable consequence). And I’ve learned a lot this year.

Firstly, several years (at least 5) were lost in terms of self-esteem — and this affected both my goals and relationships with women (there were no relationships). Secondly — I did what, in my opinion, is the task of parents — I went out into an independent life.

Just don’t think that I blame my parents — in many respects they gave me a lot of useful things in life, but — these were secondary things, and I overcame the fear of entering the adult world on my own, and at first — through the disbelief and ridicule of both parents (and therefore — secretly). I unilaterally terminated my financial relationship with my mother, because I could no longer live like this — I did not feel like a man.

And now I understand. Moms (not just mine) do this out of selfishness (which includes fear for the «baby» and a sense of self-importance). They don’t care that their son will grow up as a “mimosa in a botanical garden.” And this is not from evil, but simply on the machine. Here was a girl who lived without great ambitions and achievements, was afraid of a lot, married late, gave birth and received a gullible boy at her disposal. And how will she use her power? And yet — many of the mother’s fears are transmitted to the child without any words.

One thing pleases me — now I myself am responsible for ALL my life, and no one will force me to return to a filthy cradle, saturated with fears and MOM’s lack of confidence in MY powers. It was generally like removing evil spells — it turns out that I can run into housing and communal services. Despite a bunch of examples of completely opposite behavior that I observed in childhood.

And further. As an adult, I don’t blame anyone, but I FEEL hatred for my mother. For the fact that she UNCONSCIOUSLY TRIED to make a pig out of me — and tries to this day, unsuccessfully, of course. This hatred is very ancient — it is about 24 years old. And it pops up every time someone (and mostly my mom) tries to get into my life with unsolicited advice, help or guidance.