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We are accustomed to go with the flow, accept the circumstances, put off the beginning of a new life until tomorrow, but this tomorrow never comes. The good news is that, no matter how difficult the situation, we can change it.
Since childhood, I was a weak child and went to school already with a whole bunch of diseases. The «first violin» was bronchial asthma. Belonging to a medical dynasty and poor health — why not become a doctor? I became them.
As a doctor, it has always been depressing to me that people who do not want to be healthy need to be treated. True, I myself differed little from them, except that I walked in a white coat. But I realized it later.
I studied medicine from different angles: scientific, practical, business and patient. My career has led me to erratic eating and a decline in energy (10-12 hours of sleep could no longer bring me to my senses), a set of chronic diseases, unwillingness to do anything and working capacity below zero. Medicine could offer me nothing more than a lifetime of taking a handful of pills, on which I sat for 12 years.
I faced a difficult choice: the path up the steep slope of conscious life or the path down, which ended two meters below ground level.
Medical experience in paints painted the road to the commemorative plaque “The doctor who could not cure himself”, the mind hung on the question “Why me?”, And the will quietly stood aside, lowering its shoulders. I was overcome with despair: I could only hope for myself.
1. Never give up
«If you are going through hell, go without stopping.» Winston Churchill
There was nowhere to retreat. I got angry at my helplessness, medicine, injustice. I got angry at the whole world, and it gave me strength. I ran.
I fled from the shameful epitaph «I could not cure myself», the pity and indifference of others, from meetings with doctors who always know how to treat, but do not know how to cure. I ran with only one goal: to get out of this situation and buy some time for myself, my life and my dreams. I ran this marathon without illusions: you just have to stop, and everything will return to normal.
So, on the run, in a rapid birth, my awareness was born. I had to think quickly, on the move fitting into the turns. There was a long road ahead.
2. Let go of the past
“Our problems will not disappear just because we close our eyes and stop looking at them.” Winston Churchill
I tried to sketch a worthy epitaph, but quickly realized that there was nothing to write: all this time I did not live, but existed, running in a vicious circle not of my own life. The past hung like a dead weight and made it impossible to breathe.
Without the slightest regret, I sent to the dump a career, a mess in thoughts and nutrition — in general, the entire current lifestyle
There was nowhere to retreat: I looked into the face of my fears, illusions, insults, disappointments, regrets … They silently turned around and left. The past has left me. A new life has begun.
3. Let go of the future
“If you want to start your life tomorrow, then you are already dead today and will remain dead tomorrow.” Simeon Athos
The beginning of a new life means new plans, and they, in turn, give rise to the postponed life syndrome: “When I restore my health, I will begin to live.” But the classic, through the lips of Woland, brought me back to reality: “Yes, man is mortal, but that would be half the trouble. The bad thing is that he is suddenly mortal and cannot say at all what he will do tonight.
The future is nothing more than an illusion. The mind, however, panicked: “But what about the goals? How without them? They’re in the future!» And he was right, in part. This is one of the main pitfalls of the pragmatic mind. When the future becomes the meaning of existence, we lose the joy of living here and now. This was my main mistake: I lost myself again.
A little later, I realized that everyone has a goal to be happy. Everything else is excuses. We are so busy doing things that make us unhappy that we don’t find time for things that make us happy. If you fell asleep as a happy person, then tomorrow you will wake up to him. That’s how I made sense.
4. Find meanings
«Two days in your life are the most important: the day you were born and the day you realized why.» Mark Twain
The meaning of life is to be happy. Having adopted a new style of thinking, I asked myself the question: who am I?
Years of searching for an answer to this question have yielded nothing. Medicine and biology stubbornly talked about the mode of existence of protein bodies, psychology spoke in riddles: the unconscious is the “black box” of being, which controls our life according to its only laws.
What was most depressing was that the very science of the soul, psychology, does not operate with the concept of the soul.
No one really knows what the soul is, but none of the Russian speakers have to decipher our cultural codes: “the soul hurts”, “the heart cries”, “it’s hard on the soul”, “a stone on the soul”, “pretend”, “the soul does not on the spot”, “live soul to soul”, “bright soul”…
The archetypes of the collective unconscious led me to study Slavic culture and then Slavic psychotherapy. I became aware of myself as a soul. Everything fell into place, the puzzle came together. But there were still no answers to the questions of how and why everything that happened to me happened. To do this, it was necessary to understand, forgive and accept yourself. It turned out to be quite difficult.
5. Love yourself
“You can love in the present only if your love is without expectations and demands, if it is unconditional.” Osho
The lesson of self-acceptance was one of the most difficult. For as long as I can remember, I never liked myself. Self-resentment, guilt, self-flagellation — a gentleman’s set that was always with me. The inner critic did not stop for a second and destroyed in the bud 99,9% of my undertakings.
This went on for many years. And then I just allowed myself to be what I am, to see, understand and accept what I have. My perfectionist censor was out of work: I accepted myself with all the virtues, flaws, mistakes and failures.
A little later, I learned to accept and appreciate my successes.
So I found integrity and fell in love with myself. For the first time, I stopped running away from myself, turned around and looked at my pursuers: a string of doubts and fears inexorably trailed behind me.
6. Get brave
«Courage is not the absence of fears, but the ability to make sure that they do not paralyze you.» Paolo Coelho
Life, rolling up its sleeves, methodically put me in difficult situations. Of course, you can just “fold your paws” and give up. But surrender is not an option for someone who wants their life back. That’s how I learned to face my fears.
I was afraid of heights. Then he climbed a three-meter tower and jumped into the water upside down. Did it relieve me of my fear? No. But now he knows who is the boss in the house, and no longer paralyzes me.
I was afraid of public speaking. My career brought me to the stage, now I calmly perform and conduct trainings. Was it just? No. Is it just now? No.
Will it ever be easy? I don’t think. Life will always find a way to surprise us. But one thing is invariable: no matter how scary, no matter what doubts torment the soul, a step into the unknown is the “quantum leap” we need. And it depends only on us whether we will return to the previous orbit.
7. Trust yourself
“Although the voice of reason is very quiet, it does not stop until it is heard.” Sigmund Freud
The lesson of trust was not easy. For a long time I did not pay attention to the signs concerning my health. Once, when it got really bad, I took a step into the unknown and trusted myself, and not the medicine I was used to. It was trust from hopelessness, and the step turned out to be the right one — the disease receded.
Illness is a sign that we are doing something wrong: we live, eat, think, relate to the world
Repentance, forgiveness, letting go of grievances, feelings of guilt, reconciliation with the world and with myself did their job: a light appeared at the end of the tunnel, and I rushed to the exit. There were many situations of despair, and each time I had to trust myself and consciously hand my life into someone else’s hands without fear and doubt: just make a choice, make a decision and not regret it.
Self-confidence is our surest beacon on the way to a dream. The next lesson was patience.
8. Be patient
«Everything comes in time for the one who knows how to wait.» Lev Tolstoy
I used to be impatient for a lot of things in my life. Everything changed when the health issue arose: the price of impatience was too high. Rethinking life, reconciliation with oneself, understanding the reasons for what is happening, getting rid of illusions, expectations, the bindings of the past and the future took several years. I threw out 90% of unnecessary, lost 36 kilograms, went without food for 60 days.
The past seemed like some kind of misunderstanding, and health ceased to be unattainable
Seven years of conscious living have borne fruit: a multi-volume medical history, including a mass of diagnoses from bronchial asthma to hypertension, is now collecting dust on the shelf. I got rid of drug addiction and regained my health. The next lesson was love.
9. Open your heart
“What we receive ensures our existence. What we give creates our life.” Winston Churchill
I learned to survive, I had to learn to live. Without pain and despair, just live and be happy. It’s time to answer the question «why?». Osho helped me with this: “The first lesson of love is that one should not ask for love, but simply give it. Be a giver.»
I found the meaning of life, realized my mission: to share experience, knowledge, help people see the source of happiness in themselves and find the way to their dreams.
Like attracts like. The path to myself led me to a new environment and the life I dreamed of. Now I increasingly meet like-minded people, and sincerity and spiritual communication have become constant companions of life. Everything returns to normal: now I live my life, go to bed and wake up happy.
10. Hurry up to live
“The best thing you can do is do the right thing. If this is not possible, then the best thing to do is to do the wrong thing. And the worst thing is to do nothing at all.” Theodore Roosevelt
Time is our most valuable resource. The birth of a new one requires perseverance, especially if it is the birth of oneself. Step by step, go to the dream and one day you will be surprised to realize that you have already found it. Go ahead and don’t give up if something doesn’t work out for you.
Don’t wait for the perfect moment, just act. Everything happens unexpectedly, at the most inopportune, as it seems to us, moment. Every moment of life is perfect, realize it and make it so.