Contents
What to do if the partner says: he needs a break? And at the same time, he does not say how long it will take to understand himself, and he is determined to continue to communicate with you. By agreeing to these conditions, you put yourself in a dependent position, experts say.
“I’m not saying that everything is over between us, but I need time”, “I’m not ready for a relationship yet, but you are dear to me. I want us to see each other.» If you have heard similar phrases, you know that at the first moment it is impossible to decide what to do.
Agree or answer the partner that you cannot communicate on such terms? Mind and heart advise different things. Resentment and anger arise. I want to punish my partner: if he doesn’t change his mind, he will never see you again. At the same time, resisting the loss, we justify it: it is just a difficult period, and everything will be fine again. Is it possible? There is no single answer.
Agreeing to the expectation It is worth giving an account of how everything can end. Agreeing that the relationship temporarily goes into «friends only» mode will make you feel uncomfortable. “You turn out to be the only party to whom communication is dear, and put yourself in a dependent position, expressing your readiness to accept a partner at any cost,” warns family psychologist and coach Olga Chaikina. “It risks destroying, if not the union, then self-respect.”
Keep on calling send messages and trying to keep a partner in the field of communication, that is, to behave with him as before, you will provoke a protest and a break in relations. reflections, that a partner keeps you on the bench and maybe dating someone else can poison the shaky alliance you’re offered.
“You probably think that you are fighting for a love that will overcome all obstacles,” says Olga Chaikina. — But you doom yourself to a deliberately weak position, because your emotional well-being depends on the other person. However, you can refuse the offer without closing the possibility of continuing the relationship. The partner must understand: his return is possible only if he considers you as a couple.
Why should you say «no»?
- You do not know the true intentions of the partner, and the uncertainty of the situation will become more and more painful. Will physical intimacy continue? How often will you meet, who should be the initiator?
- You may find that you are not the only one your partner is having sex with. If someone asks for a break, it often means that they feel free from the obligation to be faithful.
You should not show weakness, it is better to demonstrate self-confidence and a willingness to change things in relationships that did not suit a loved one. Let him know that you are always open for conversation. “The union is doomed if both of you do not understand the reasons for what is happening and do not make efforts to preserve it,” says Olga Chaikina.
“The imposed pause deprives us of will and turns us into slaves”
Marina Myaus, cognitive therapist
When a partner offers a break to you, in love and ready to give, without asking for anything in return, in the hope of returning his love, you need to understand what is behind this. For some people, this is a way to build self-esteem — although it works until you resist and leave the relationship. Then the powerful partner will turn out to be a naked king from a fairy tale, who has nothing else to rely on.
As a rule, women offer men — former romantic partners, whom they no longer want to see in this role, the role of assistants. They were denied sex, but granted the right to troubleshoot the computer, give them a lift and act as a «vest» on the first call. At the same time, the woman feels how her influence on men is growing, and does not want to let go of the one who gives it.
The partner turns out to be an inaccessible but adored figure who symbolically devalues our sex appeal.
A woman who agrees to a pause that a man needs is often not denied intimacy, but only on conditions that are convenient for him. At the same time, she maintains the hope that someday the rights of a constant friend will return to her.
The imposed pause negatively affects the gender self-esteem of men and women. When the person we love rejects us, but continues to communicate with us, the significance of his opinion for us increases. He turns out to be an inaccessible but adored figure who symbolically devalues our sex appeal.
Soon, others begin to perceive a woman as unattractive, and a man as weak and unmanly. Therefore, no matter how much you love, it is dangerous to agree to a pause: it deprives you of your will and turns you into followers.