Everyone who is looking for a “half” dreams of seeing a person with “good” character traits next to them. But are we ready to face the shadow side of the positive qualities of a person? Are you ready to accept that along with kindness there is often an inability to say “no”, and with honesty — categoricalness?
Most of us want to meet and fall in love with an open, kind, sympathetic person with a sense of humor. However, all positive qualities have a shadow side, reminds psychotherapist Veronika Stepanova. And offers to consider these features in more detail.
1. Kind. The flip side is often the inability to refuse, and this quality will be used by others. Sacrifice for the benefit of people whose problems he will solve to the detriment of your relationship can border on softness, the inability to say no.
2. Cheerful, bright, charismatic. Be prepared for the fact that you are not alone in admiring his charm, sense of humor, magnetic ability to attract people to you. He is loved by everyone, we invite him and, as a result, he will be liked not only by you, but also by other women. Are you able to accept this without tormenting yourself with jealousy? In addition, a man with whom life at first seems like an uninterrupted stream of happiness may turn out to be a person with sociopathic traits. As soon as he realizes that you are in his power, he will begin to devalue and humiliate you.
3. Honest. A crystal-clear honest person is unable to compromise. This means that he may not be able to achieve much and will not please you with achievements. Honesty can cover the unwillingness to take risks and even cowardice. In a relationship, this often borders on straightforwardness, when a person does not always take into account your emotions and feelings.
4. Good family man. Yes, he cares about the well-being of his home and family, but he values predictability and stability most of all. This may be a person with a high level of anxiety. When choosing such a partner, do not expect romantic surprises that brighten up life. On the contrary, he will make sure that your life is protected from possible adventures that are fraught with potential danger. It is possible that with such a person you will become bored.
5. Handsome. For many women, it is important that their partner takes care of themselves. However, too much self-care can be associated with narcissistic personality traits, and you will come across an extremely selfish person.
6. Hardworking. You are impressed by his passion for business and focus on achievement. However, the flip side can be workaholism, and in the form of addiction. You will see your chosen one less and less, because going to work is a desire to take control of your life. Feelings and relationships will be an area for him that is difficult to control, and he distances himself from them.
If you are looking for a partner, it is helpful to make a list of qualities that attract you. However, let it be a living and real person. Think, therefore, of the inevitable disadvantages that may accompany virtues.
«Relationships don’t involve fixed roles»
Lev Khegai, Jungian analyst
The question of what the real qualities of the chosen one are is always difficult. What a person consciously thinks about himself does not coincide with the unconscious image of himself and differs from what he wants to appear to others. And the latter, in turn, differs from how they see it in reality. Given that an adult strives for flexibility and is capable of change, then the image of oneself is a rather mobile thing. If we love a partner, we want to please him, then we adapt to his expectations.
For example, a woman consciously wants to see a man strong, kind and generous. At the same time, unconsciously, due to childhood trauma, she is interested in a cruel tyrant like her father in order to symbolically replay her childhood. Therefore, it is not surprising that at the beginning of a relationship in such a pair, he seems strong to her, and she is kind to him. And then she increasingly sees herself as a helpless victim of a despot.
Relationships are a fluid dialogue and cannot be made up of fixed roles. Turning different faces, the partners discover: they are either better or worse compatible with each other. Inconsistencies can become a challenge to look for other forms of relationships or other meanings. And sometimes new relationships, if now the meanings that cannot be realized with your partner are more important.
Acceptance of another person means acceptance of his imperfection. We leave an imaginary image for ourselves, as an expression of the inner need of our soul. And we open ourselves to the adventure that life offers us in the form of a real partner.