The number of suicides among seniors is increasing. They do not want to “disturb” the family

The group in which the number of suicides is constantly increasing are seniors. People aged 60+ do not want to be a burden for their family or feel lonely. Older people pass away quietly, much like men in their forties – because they most often take their own lives. What alarm signals should draw our attention? Dr. Halszka Witkowska from the Polish Suicidological Society explains for MedTvoiLokona.

1. In the pandemic, there was talk of a plague of suicides among children and teenagers. However, there are no significant increases in this group
2. Seniors are now much more of a problem. In 10 years, the number of elderly people who took their own lives increased by 50%.
3. We should find disturbing sentences such as “without me it will be easier for you” or “I have no more strength”
4. More information can be found on the Onet homepage.

Agnieszka Mazur-Puchała, Medonet: I have recently come across information that seniors are increasingly affected by suicides. When did these numbers start to rise?

Dr. Halszka Witkowska from the Polish Suicidological Society: For 10 years we have been observing an increase in the number of suicides in the 60+ group. Compared to what it was a decade ago, it is 50 percent. more cases. Still, the most numerous group are men between 40 and 60 years of age. They are the ones who most often take their own lives. In turn, it is not true that we are currently observing a plague or epidemic of suicide among children and adolescents. Yes, there are suicides in this group, and it is very disturbing, but it cannot be said that we are seeing any rapid increase. On the other hand, the number of behaviors such as suicide attempts or self-harm is increasing among children and adolescents.

For me, the information that elderly people over 60 are taking their own lives was shocking. It’s hard to imagine my grandmother taking her life. Why are these situations happening? What drives seniors to suicide?

I think such a fundamental factor is gigantic loneliness and isolation. The pandemic was a big handicap for everyone, but to a much greater extent for people aged 60+. For one simple reason – the technical alternatives we use do not help them completely. Even if a son or grandson shows their grandparents how to use instant messaging, for an elderly person, a video call does not mean a visit or a family Sunday lunch.

Loneliness is one thing. The second problem is financial issues. Third – diseases. In the farewell letters of seniors, we find these three aspects, along with the lack of sense, hope, and the possibility of getting out of the situation in which they found themselves.

How can we tell if an elderly person in our family may be thinking about suicide? What signals to look for?

First of all, we must realize that seniors leave in silence. Often times, they don’t want to fuss around them. That is why we should be interested in what the day of an elderly person close to us looks like. Ask how she is doing, is there enough for her daily purchases, bills, medications. It is worth considering how often we visit grandma, grandfather or elderly aunt. Seniors themselves will not tell us about their condition and difficulties, because they will not want to cause problems for the young. We have to see that something is happening. Get interested in them. With the elderly, it is not all that simple, because they are rather hidden.

But the alarm signal for us should be phrases such as “I have no more strength”, “maybe it’s better if I was not with you, because you will have easier”, “maybe I would rewrite this house to you sooner”. The intensification of conversations in the genre of “what will happen after my death” is also disturbing.

What should we do if we notice that something is wrong with our grandmother or grandpa? How can I help them?

Let’s start with the basics: establishing a support network and a schedule for people who can visit it or it, support it, help it. This will help break down that basic block of loneliness. Help should, in turn, concern such everyday things that may be an insurmountable problem for an elderly person. For example, my grandmother lives on the fifth floor and each shopping out is a great effort for her. Such simple, pragmatic help can make a big difference. Of course, we also encourage you to talk to a specialist if the condition is really serious. But first, let’s take care of the simplest everyday things.

Now let’s talk about the most numerous group among suicides – middle-aged men. What drives them to take their own lives?

Suicidologists often wonder why this percentage is so high. I am an advocate of the theory that men simply find it harder to ask for help. Much less often than women, they report that they have a crisis situation and need support. They are ashamed to ask for help, or even admit to this crisis at all. After all, they arise among social stereotypes in which a man has to deal with everything on his own and cannot cry. In addition, the entire responsibility for maintaining the home and family often falls on the man who is not always able to bear it.

We also have a different way of communicating. Women more often and more willingly talk about their emotions and problems. And gentlemen approach it completely differently. They believe that it is not worth spending time with them, there is no point in admitting your feelings or weaknesses. They keep it all within themselves.

They do not say that they are bad, so they do not give alarm signals either?

They do, but these are individual things that we often underestimate. These can be, for example, phrases such as: “I will be gone for next holidays”, “After death I will rest”. These are recurring little cues that we usually dismiss by saying, “Don’t talk nonsense.”

Serious warning signals are worsening alcoholism, closing oneself in four walls, and avoiding contact with people. The red light should light up when a man starts handing out his belongings or putting his affairs in order. These are very strong warning signals.

1. Are you or someone close to you having problems? Don’t hesitate. Make an appointment with a psychologist

And then what? We are talking about men who often cannot be referred to a doctor, even if they have some health problems, such as chest pain. How do you encourage someone like this to see a specialist about mental distress?

The key here is to understand that this case is no different from diabetes or a heart attack. It is just as serious. There are many stereotypes around psychotherapy or psychiatric treatment that need to be dealt with. You have to explain to the man that this is nothing wrong. That when we cut ourselves, we need a plaster and it is the same in this situation. He is suffering, so he should visit a specialist who will help him.

But I also think it is important that we demedicalize this problem. A man should receive the first conversations and support from us, his relatives. Each of us is able to give it. In the beginning, the most important thing is for the man to open up, start talking and feel safe. A doctor or therapist is just the next stage. The first step is on our side. The most important thing is that we don’t wash our hands of it.

Unfortunately, some suicide attempts end in death. Relatives stay among the living feeling guilty. They feel that it is because of them that they should have tried better. Do such people also need therapy?

Definitely yes, because mourning a suicide is called a trauma. Families often do not recover mentally for years after such an event. They ask themselves questions, blame themselves for the death of a loved one. Such a family needs a lot of support. Especially since sometimes it comes to the fact that if a father or mother commits suicide, then the son or daughter may also have a suicide attempt. And it is not a matter of genetics, but of a certain model behavior that has become established. That is why on our website, Życie Worthy jest Rozmowy (zwjr.pl) we also talk about how to help people in mourning. There are also advice from our specialists aimed at relatives of the suicide. They also cannot be left without help.

I have come across such a statement that if the suicide did not leave the letter, it means that he did not care about his relatives. He didn’t want to say goodbye to them, they meant nothing to him. It actually works like that?

This is a very complex topic that we could talk about for a long time. The basic point is that not everyone can write something in this situation. This is a very special moment, very emotionally strong. Consider that such a letter is to be the last thing that such a person leaves behind. Often she does not know what to write, how to explain herself. On the other hand, sometimes suicide is such a complete resignation from any belonging to the community. On the principle: nothing can stop me anymore, I leave. No one ever listened to me anyway. Just.

On September 10, we celebrate World Suicide Prevention Day. How can we prevent them? Where can I find help for myself or my loved ones?

I recommend the website Życie Warte Jest Rozmowy, where we have such a complete database: help places, toll-free numbers that we can call and specialists who will help. What’s very important, the site also includes short videos recorded by experts who explain how to behave when someone around you has suicidal thoughts, is on trial or facing the loss of a loved one who has taken his own life. There is also a tab “Help Basics in 10 Steps”, where there are ways to deal with each of these three situations. This is the first instruction, and when it is not enough, you can call a toll-free number or make an appointment with a specialist.

Also read:

1. 2020 has hit children and teenagers. More depression and suicide attempts
2. Self-aggression in adolescents: they tear their hair out, cut their wrists. “It’s about everything that hurts, hurts”
3. Psychiatrist: suicides give signals, but we don’t notice them
4. I can take two or three more months 

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