Surviving your own sons is an unthinkable test. This woman managed to survive. But what a price she paid!
On this day in Australia, it is customary to celebrate Boxing Day – December 26. Bernadine Allen was going to meet with friends that day. Her eldest son, 16-year-old Stevie, went to his father for the weekend, and a neighbor volunteered to sit with the youngest, three-year-old Jay. The day was lovely. Until Jay called his mom: “Mom, I want to go home.” Bernadine tried to calm the baby, they say, in a couple of hours she will be back. The boy said, “Okay,” and hung up. From that moment on, Bernadine did not leave a feeling of inexplicable anxiety. She was getting ready to go home. But before she had time to get back, the second bell rang. “Your son is dead,” said a voice on the receiver.
Mother’s whole world collapsed at that moment. It turned out that the neighbor who was sitting with Jay had been suffering from schizophrenia for a long time. The disease did not manifest itself in any way, because the woman was taking medication. But one day she decided to give up the pills. A few days later, the voices in her head began to whisper terrible things to her. The woman obeyed them – and stabbed a three-year-old boy.
“I hardly remember what happened then. I remember driving to the hospital for identification. I had a present for Jay with me for Christmas. He could not play with him … I begged my friends to tell me that all this is not true. But it was true. My boy was lying there, on a cold table, as if asleep. But I knew that he was no longer with me “, – Bernadine like the worst nightmare.
The killer was sent for compulsory treatment in a psychiatric hospital. And the woman who had lost her son had to somehow live on. It turned out badly: she got up in the morning, did something, completely unaware of what was happening. Like on autopilot. But I had to take care of Steve and Kain, the two remaining sons.
“It helped me escape from reality – caring for my sons. I had to be strong for them, ”Bernadine recalls.
Three years later, her terrible nightmare was repeated. Bernadine’s middle son, Stevie, cycled home from work. On the way, he felt dizzy and fell. The girl who was following him in the car simply did not notice the guy lying on the road. Stevie died instantly.
The first to know about the tragedy was Kain, the eldest son of Bernadine. He answered a call from the police and went to identify. It is impossible even to imagine what the mother experienced when she learned about the death of her second child. After all, now only photographs and gray tombstones are left of her two beloved sons.
She tried to cope with the pain, exhausting herself physically to such a state that she could hardly crawl to bed. But it didn’t help. And Bernadine went all out. To forget, the woman began to take drugs. Addiction to methamphetamine has become her new reality. She sank lower and lower, spending all the money on drugs, got in touch with bad company. The once-happy, pretty woman now looked like a pitiful vagabond with shaking hands.
But part of her was still trying to fight. Bernadine managed to force herself to turn to a psychologist and a narcologist. This was her first step towards sobriety. Gradually, she was able to quit using drugs, smoking, threw out of her life all the dubious personalities whom she met in search of a potion. She remembered her remaining son Kaina.
“I realized that I want more. I lived from dose to dose. I practically threw my life into the trash, ”Bernadine realized after years of living at the bottom.
Gradually, she was able to get rid of the addiction. I went to the gym, started eating right, lost 10 kilograms, started studying to be a designer, got a huge parrot. The ulcers on the skin disappeared, to which she had already become accustomed over the years of drug addiction. Sounds simple. But it all took ten years. Ten long years of hard work with specialists, tears, depression and antidepressants.
“Drugs didn’t make me happy. I had to let my dead children go, so that their souls could calm down, and I could live on. I miss Jay and Stevie a lot. Without them, a void remained in my heart that could not be filled with anything. But I learned to live with it, I had to learn. “