The math of love: how to figure out the perfect partner

Human emotions, unlike mathematical equations, are not easy to predict or accurately classify. But this does not mean that mathematics has nothing to offer here. Predicting the weather, predicting the growth of cities is also not easy, but the necessary formulas and calculations have long existed. Mathematics is, first of all, the search for patterns that love also obeys.

In 2010, Peter Backus, a mathematician at the University of Warwick and a confirmed bachelor, suggested that there were fewer girls worthy of becoming his girlfriend than there are forms of intelligent life in the universe. But in general, everything is not so bad. The population of the Earth is 7 billion people. Although not everyone suits you, using the Backus method, you can calculate what is the probability of finding the perfect partner.

The mathematician used the following criteria:

1. How many women live near me? (There are over 4 million women in London)
2. How many of them are about the same age as me? (20%, i.e. more than 800 thousand women)
3. How many of them are already in a relationship? (50%, that is, more than 400 thousand)
4. How many of them have higher education? (26%, that is, more than 104 thousand)
5. How many of them are attractive? (5%, i.e. more than 260 women)
6. How many of them could I get along with? (with 10%, i.e. with 26 women)

Maybe Backus is being too picky. 20% of women can be attractive, not 5%. If we add those ladies who consider Bakus himself attractive, then we will get completely different numbers — not 26, but more than 800 potential partners in one city. And the number of candidates will increase several times if the search area is expanded.

Surprisingly, instead of opening up to the maximum number of partners, some people behave in exactly the opposite way. For example, one gentleman on a dating site managed to list as many as 100 requirements for a potential partner, and so extravagant that he immediately became the hero of jokes. For example, he asked not to write to him if the lady “unnecessarily kills spiders” or “believes that world peace is a goal worth fighting for.”

In fact, the more conditions you put on, the less likely you are to find love. Choose 1-2 points that are really important to you and give potential partners a chance. Perhaps you will be pleasantly surprised.

How to get the most out of a party?

Should a girl at a party be the first to approach to get acquainted or, on the contrary, give up this honor to a partner? According to the mathematical “Sustainable Marriage Problem”, no matter how many guys and girls are involved in the process, if the guys make the first move, the following four outcomes are possible:

1. Everyone finds a partner.
2. After all the couples have decided, no guy from any couple and no girl from another couple can be completely happy. It would be possible if they tried to unite.
3. After all the couples have decided, each guy gets the best girl available to him.
4. Every girl, on the contrary, ends up with the worst of all the guys who tried to woo her.

In other words, the group that takes the first step (even if its members risk being rejected) is in a better position than the group that behaved passively (that is, only accepted or rejected courtship). If girls take the first step, then, on the contrary, young people will have a lower result compared to what they could be if they played an active role.

What follows from this? It’s always worth taking the initiative, no matter how serious a relationship you’re looking for.

Advantages of dating sites

On a dating site, finding the perfect partner is easier than at a party. Firstly, it is basically a catalog of strangers who are ready to enter into a relationship (not everyone is ready for this at a party). And secondly, many resources use a certain algorithm — for example, OkCupid displays a certain amount of points for each potential couple, which shows how well the partners match each other. The OkCupid algorithm has three components:

1. your answers;
2. desired partner responses;
3. the degree of importance of the partner’s answers for each of you.

The last component plays a special role because it allows you to personalize the process. For some, the political views of the future partner are more important than his attitude towards children, but for some it is the other way around.

But if the internet is such an unmistakable matchmaker, why do people still have bad dates all the time anyway? Because we don’t really know what we’re looking for until we find it. Therefore, an algorithm that could accurately predict your compatibility with a particular person simply does not exist today. But perhaps it is not so far from its creation. If the mind is not able to suggest what we want, then the instincts immediately respond when we see the same thing.

When choosing a photo for placement on a dating site, people usually upload a picture that masks the flaws in appearance. A classic example is overweight people posting cropped faces, bald men being photographed wearing hats. But this is something you shouldn’t do! When choosing a profile photo, it’s worth showing what makes you different from others — and let someone else find it unattractive. People who might like you in principle will pay attention to you one way or another. Online, to stand out from others, you just need to be yourself.

How to get what you want from a man?

According to the rules of the mating game as old as the world, a man should be the hunter, and a woman should be the prey. But today at the fair of brides and grooms there is a disproportion between the number of beautiful smart and single women and suitable bachelors. In this regard, the economist Marc Gimain proposed the hypothesis of the “paradox of affordable bachelors”. According to this theory, a man will choose which woman to propose to, not only according to the degree of sympathy, but also depending on how hard this woman fought for him.

Under these rules of the game, the task, from a mathematical point of view, is equivalent to what happens in competitive bidding. That is, again, at some point you still have to take the initiative.

How to keep love in marriage?

Psychologist John Gottman and mathematician James Murray tried to answer this question. Without going into details and complex mathematical formulas, the theory boils down to the following. The happiest unions are characterized by very low values ​​of the “negative threshold”. Partners allow each other to express their dissatisfaction on any occasion, after which they work together to resolve the differences that arise — even the smallest ones. Such couples do not drive feelings inside, and therefore situations when an elephant grows out of a fly are impossible here. The message of this theory is consistent with the age-old wisdom that you should not go to bed without reconciling.