The man who chose to be the victim

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A victim is someone who has suffered from some circumstances or someone’s actions. A man was hit by a car — he is a victim of an accident. This is the objective state of things. But in practical psychology, the Victim is not an objective state of affairs, but something subjective, namely the chosen role and the internal state of a person.

What are the features and main signs of this condition? The most striking, obvious and noticeable are: complaints and descriptions of problems, accusations and excuses (complex of suffering); drooping shoulders and unhappy eyes, the state of «I can’t do anything» (state of helplessness) and denial of responsibility, shifting responsibility (irresponsibility).

Here is a very characteristic commentary on the article “Life scenario”: “What to do when there are goals and you know the steps….. but you put it off and don’t do it, and you understand that your life and future goals do not please you, self-motivation does not work , even for the sake of his kind, and hands down. You collect yourself, you need to act …. and again you put it off….. And so on in a circle…” — You see, a person has perfectly learned to complain, and more, it seems, has not learned anything.

As a suffering person, Victim is the opposite of a person in a state of inner Good. He’s bad, not good. As a helpless and irresponsible person, the Victim is the opposite of the Author. The victim is the one with whom they did, whose actions or experiences turned out to be a consequence and who is not responsible for what happened. And the Author is the one who does and is responsible for his actions.

From the suffering and “helplessness” of the Victim, all the various consequences follow: a feeling of fear, a game of pity, and sometime anger, resentment and a willingness to blame everyone who is to blame for her suffering and who does not help the unfortunate victim. The position of the Victim sums up negativity, destructiveness and irresponsibility. In an easy situation, the Victim can be quite active (for example, blaming and taking revenge), in a difficult situation, he gives up, demonstrates helplessness. The state of the Victim is fear, kindergarten, helplessness, the desire to blame others. Aggression alternates with auto-aggression, various manipulative games are played out in the relationship. A person in the position of the Victim presents himself as a weak person, but, as a rule, this is a trick: this is a professional game where a person plays the role of offended and unhappy, which is familiar to him.

“I am suffering and I can’t do anything because of (you, the weather, the government, my own unconsciousness, someone’s evil intentions …)”