Hello everybody! Do you think it is possible to change the character? I am of the opinion that everything is in the hands of the person who decided to change. And if he is not ready for them, no one, even a psychotherapist, will be able to influence him. And this happens when he realizes that something in life is not going the way he would like and the usual methods no longer work, so it’s time to change something. And how to do it, I will tell you now.
Exploring the desire for change
To begin with, I note that a person with at least an average level of assertiveness is most often capable of changing, if it is low, you should not despair, you just have to make more efforts. You will learn about this in the article about assertiveness.
The character of a person begins its formation from childhood and under the influence of such factors as the type of nervous system, the conditions in which it grows, the environment and relationships, both with parents and between them, also learned experience and even health
. We evaluate ourselves subjectively, sometimes considering that we have a bad character, or vice versa, a beautiful one. But from the outside, this may not be the case at all.
However, I will note that in fact we are very different, and we have neither positive nor negative qualities, but only our attitude towards them and the circumstances in which they manifested themselves. Well, a person cannot just be, for example, evil, there are always moments in which he manifests himself as kind and sympathetic. So before you take action to change, first think about how you came to this decision.
If you feel that some type of reaction is getting in the way of your life, this is one thing, but if you just, for example, have become uncomfortable for someone and they require changes, this is another. Therefore, it is very important to explore the reasons that push for change, only then it will be your conscious choice.
I propose to conduct an experiment that will help find out if you are overly critical of yourself. To do this, write 10 features that you do not like. Then reformulate them so that they change their meaning. For example, soft, we give the opposite meaning — sympathetic, kind, etc. Or, lazy — able to rest and relax. Having done this with each, you will realize that you are actually very versatile.
It is important to be able to first of all accept yourself as you are. If something in yourself really prevents you from achieving success in life and so on, I suggest considering a step-by-step algorithm.
algorithm
- The first step, accordingly, is to define your expectations, that is, a clear understanding of what traits you want to develop. Preferably a short list.
- Substitution. It will not be possible to simply take and get rid of some part in yourself, but you can develop the opposite quality, thus balancing your character. Are you suffering from workaholism? You should not put an end to the goals that you wanted to achieve with your activity, but try to allow yourself to be lazy, stop and do nothing.
- Imitation. Think about which of the people who are significant to you have the desired traits? Try to communicate more often, or just «get used» to his role, watch how he behaves in any situations, because sometimes we simply do not have enough experience or we simply do not know how to behave under certain circumstances. The main thing is not to cross the line without driving yourself into envy and competition, losing and devaluing yourself in an attempt to become like a significant person, starting to treat him like an idol.
- At this stage, you should focus on the desired characteristics, as if you already have them in full and have become what you wanted to be. That is, if you considered yourself cowardly, communicate with others from the position of a brave person who has some fears, and this is quite normal. And if you suddenly have to describe yourself, be sure to include courage in your description. You can use the method of positive affirmations, I wrote about them in this article.
- It is time for action, and for this you need to think about the motivation that will inspire you and give you strength. To do this, determine the goals that you want to achieve through the development of other qualities that you, in your opinion, lack. Perhaps family relations are deteriorating, and “there is a smell of divorce in the air”? Then it really does not hurt to learn to restrain yourself in a fit of emotions. Or you need to become more active in order to finally get a promotion …
- Take risks, and not only in your manifestations, but also ask the opinion of others you trust. By feedback, especially if you get them from several people, it is quite possible to understand your real image, namely, how others perceive you and what exactly you unconsciously present to the world.
Exercises
Polarity
Write down 10 qualities again, only those that you don’t like about yourself. Then give them the opposite meaning. For example, you think that you are tough, on the contrary, write — good-natured. And so it is with everyone else. The task is that you will have to “play”, that is, live this new image. Set aside at least half an hour, go about your daily business, just react to what is happening from a new position.
This exercise is actually very resourceful, it helps to open up new possibilities, as well as new ways to solve difficult situations, because the approach changes, the type of reaction changes … «Play» this way more often, and over time you will learn to consciously include in yourself exactly those qualities which will be organic in certain circumstances.
Exercise «I have to»
Write a list that begins with the words: «I should be …», then substituting the trait you want to have. Let there be at least 5 requirements. Next, we change the wording, to “I can be …”, that is, we rewrite all five points, changing the beginning of the phrase. Then «I want to be …», and the last: «I …». To make it clearer, I will give an example:
- I must be generous
- I can be generous
- I want to be generous
- I am generous
This will help you to accept at the subconscious level exactly what you are striving for. Something like affirmations, only in this case you also write down, that is, the effect is enhanced by fixing it on paper. And this is already responsibility and action, as well as visual reinforcement, which together will simplify and speed up the process of changing character for the better.
Conclusion
That’s all for today, dear readers! I want to note that I have respect for those people who are able to realize the mistakes they make, admit them and, having shown courage and courage, begin to change not only their lives, but also themselves. So patience and strength to you on the path of transformation, and the methods that I shared with you will simplify the task. Most importantly, do not demand too much from yourself, but move towards the goal gradually, as they say, slowly but surely.
I remind you that I have a VKontakte group, the link is in the subscription form at the top right. See you soon.