Good day to all! Whatever the relationship, no matter how people love or appreciate each other, it is simply impossible without quarrels. And this is normal, but where people try to constructively settle them, it is also useful, as it promotes and develops. Although many consider them negative, preferring to avoid, which just enhances the destructive effect. So in this article I will tell you what types of conflicts exist and how to resolve them so that you can resolve them without the risk of severing relationships and harming your health.
Likely Opportunities and Limitations
As I said, conflicts can be both promotional and destructive, so first let’s look at what risks and resources a conflict situation carries:
+ Discharges the situation, especially if the tension has accumulated for a long time. After that, both sides will again be able to communicate and establish contact.
+ Gives new information about the opponent, which was not previously owned. This is how spouses usually learn something new about each other, especially that they didn’t like and didn’t like at all lately, but one of the spouses endured.
+ Motivates to change, change and find new ways of doing things when old ones no longer work.
+ It is such a diagnostic tool that shows the strengths and weaknesses of the enemy, his level of development and, in general, competitiveness when it comes to business relations.
+ It gives freedom when a person does not allow himself to be sincere and open, preferring to remain silent, avoid, hide and obey, feeling heaviness and stiffness in movements and actions.
— Colossal emotional, material and sometimes physical waste.
— The destruction of relationships, dismissal, the perception of another as an enemy …
— Enthusiasm for the process of clarification and accusations is fraught with the fact that work, health, family suffer …
— Difficult restoration of the workflow if the «war» happened between business partners, colleagues and superiors.
It is important to be able to notice the resources of each situation in which a quarrel arose, it is like a style of attitude to life, if a person is able to notice opportunities, not limitations, he will develop and grow.
Classification
They are distinguished necessarily by some characteristics. I have identified the main types, knowledge of which may be useful to you.
By orientation
- Horizontal. They do not involve people who are subordinate to each other.
- Vertical. They make up 80% of all conflicts, as they consist of persons who are just subordinate to each other.
- Mixed.
By value
These are exactly the resources or limitations that we face, and which I have already talked about.
- Constructive.
- Destructive.
- Official.
- Unofficial.
By the nature of the reasons
- Objective. This type is easier to resolve in a constructive way, because the reasons are more external, which are quite possible to settle, do not affect the individual, causing a feeling of resentment, anger, and so on.
- Subjective. It is more difficult here, because any solutions may not help until the person is ready to let go of the situation and agree to a truce.
According to the criterion of truth-falsity
- Genuine — then it is adequately perceived by the other side, since it has objective reasons and, most often, mutual desires in its resolution.
- Random — rarely realized, because it flares up under the power of unexpected feelings and depends on easily changeable circumstances.
- Wrongly attributed is when both sides misunderstood each other, heard each other. Has it ever happened when you are so passionate about proving your own that you don’t notice how you are actually arguing about the same thing with your opponent?
- Displaced. This is when the real reasons are not realized or hidden, and then they lie in a layer, and the quarrel itself occurs on the basis of completely different reasons, sometimes even artificially created. A person can consciously choose such detours, because he does not know how to directly and in a timely manner declare his violated boundaries or discontent.
- Latent. That is, hidden, when the true cause is not realized, but irritation is present, the way out of which there is no way to give, since it is not clear where to start and what to complain about.
- False — takes place only in case of erroneous perception of information and each other. It differs from the incorrectly attributed one in that there are no objective reasons in this variant.
According to the socio-psychological effect
- They develop and help to achieve recognition, assert themselves, free themselves and consolidate their positions and place in some system.
- They are aimed at suppressing the other, devaluing, humiliating or completely destroying it as a competitor.
What to do?
There are 5 solutions:
1. Competition
This style is chosen either because of weakness, or when a person feels his strength and superiority. For example, a strong, active and self-confident boss, against the backdrop of competition with another company, makes decisions that are detrimental to his employees, but in the future bring results. Or such situations could be observed by parents who have several children of different ages.
When the youngest wants to win the championship, but fails, because a priori he is the youngest in the family, he tries to get rid of the enemy through competition. For example, he provokes a fight, and then runs to complain to his parents that he was offended by his brother, who now must be punished. Many interpersonal conflicts flow into this method, which, unfortunately, is not always constructive.
2.Cooperation
When both parties understand that it is possible to get out of the current unpleasant situation through cooperation, when there will be no losers or winners, and everyone will get the desired result. In fact, a very difficult option, as it requires internal maturity and readiness to listen, hear and respect the interests of the opponent, as well as patience and restraint.
3. Fixture
When the forces are unequal, or one side is not self-confident and prefers to leave everything in its place for fear of making it worse, then it simply reconciles, adapts, sacrificing its interests and needs. Sometimes it is justified, as it allows you to maintain security and integrity when the enemy is aggressive and dangerous, or when the enemy is too strong and the loss is obvious, there is simply no point in wasting your resources and setting yourself up.
4. Compromise
Of all the types, this is the best way, as the opponents make concessions, trying to agree on an option that will suit everyone. When both take steps towards each other. This method partially satisfies the needs, but is very valuable, as it allows you to maintain relationships, prolong further cooperation.
5. Avoidance
When a person does not take responsibility, does not recognize the conflict, as if avoiding it in every possible way, by forgetting, stretching the time to make a decision … This method can lead to the fact that one day patience will “burst” and the enemy will explode, but it is useful in that case when you need to take the time to weigh the pros and cons and correctly assess the situation.
Recommendations
- Try to talk, no matter how you are overwhelmed by emotions, it is important to listen to the other and understand what drives him and what exactly he wants. You should not evaluate his character and actions, speak only on your own behalf to yourself. For example, when a wife says to her husband: “You are insensitive and constantly offend me,” it will cause a defensive reaction in him rather than understanding. It is more constructive to change the wording to the following phrase: «I was offended because I did not have enough of your attention.» Then it doesn’t sound like an insult or a threat.
- In difficult situations, it will be most appropriate to involve a third party that is not interested in someone else’s victory. Such a referee who will help to establish a dialogue and hear each other, stopping in time, asking questions and rephrasing.
- Try to find the problem itself directly, if you can isolate it, the next steps to end the quarrel will be easier to do. The sources of scandals are unfulfilled needs, learn to identify them, and especially find the addressee. After all, sometimes it happens that a person breaks down on a completely unfamiliar, for example, seller, sincerely believing that he made a mistake or was rude. But the basis of this perception was the dissatisfaction in recognition, when someone else was promoted at work, ignoring the efforts and skills of this person.
Conclusion
I recommend reading the following articles: “How to overcome psychological barriers in interpersonal communication” and an article on ways to defend your opinion.
That’s all for today, dear readers! Whatever method you choose, take care of your safety, because holding back and not clarifying conflicts is very destructive to our health and life satisfaction. Take care of yourself and your loved ones!
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