How does psychotherapy work? It is believed that it is enough to realize hidden psychological traumas, or lack of attention from parents in childhood, or even the external cause of problems (excess stress, alcoholism), and all problems will be solved, and happiness and the meaning of life will appear by themselves. But is it? Psychotherapist Richard Zwolinsky says.
I’ll tell you a secret: the incredible power of “awareness” is nothing more than a myth, although a very common one. By the way, many psychotherapists also share faith in him. What’s more, awareness is never simple—it’s a long, complex, and often painful process.
When talking about their painful memories, patients are in the most vulnerable position. They do not yet know how to create a new, healed «I», because they were not ready to meet face to face with the old, unhappy «I». It often turns out that the client does not have the necessary emotional supports to deal with their past.
Emotional supports are skills and techniques that the therapist teaches the patient to help him gain the necessary resilience. It will be needed in order to look deep inside yourself, if therapy requires it, to plunge into hidden and painful memories. These skills provide a foundation from which to explore yourself and develop healthy thinking and behavior.
Many patients, even after years of therapy, feel vulnerable and defenseless. They are unable to return to normal life precisely because the therapist went too far when they did not yet have the necessary emotional skills.
Experienced therapists know that in most cases it is not necessary to open up and discuss all traumatic events in the patient’s past (which, unfortunately, their less experienced colleagues often try to do). If this is done too early, when the client is not yet ready, he may lose the ability to cope even with elementary life difficulties, withdraw into himself or fall into hysterics. Having “dismantled” a person, the therapist is far from always able to “collect” him back.
Looking for signs of trouble in the family of origin — and if you wish, you can find them in everyone — by themselves cannot heal us.
Competent psychotherapists respect the right of patients to privacy. Their task is to help the client understand which aspects of his life are really important and worth discussing, and which ones are better not to talk about. However, in some types of psychotherapy, violation of the boundaries between patient and therapist is only welcome, but this is only a reflection of our culture, in which the right to privacy has lost all value.
A striking example of disrespect for boundaries is the cult of celebrities, show business stars. Their main goal is to gain power and influence, becoming the object of admiration and close attention of others. In pursuit of the attention of the public, the stars (and the paparazzi) stop at almost nothing.
Some, both celebrities and ordinary people, seek to get rid of boundaries and open up completely to the world in order to receive love and attention. This desperate need for attention feeds on many reality television and talk shows. But what can I say: which of us has not at least briefly read the frank story of a star about a childhood full of humiliation and bullying?
Yes, our earliest experiences and relationships with others have a huge impact on us. This is a really important factor that can help us understand why we have become the way we are now. But looking for signs of trouble in the parental family — and if you wish, you can find them in everyone — and talking about the past, by themselves, cannot heal us.
Delving into painful memories without being prepared for it can cause real harm to yourself. Emotional pain can be so strong that it robs you of the ability to feel and even think rationally and prevents you from successfully coping with the challenges that life will throw at you again and again.
About the Author: Richard Zwolinsky is a 25-year-old psychotherapist, addiction specialist, and author of The Psychotherapy Revolution: How to Get Help, Improve Your Condition, and Move On Without Wasting Time and Money.