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Hello dear blog readers! Modern technologies have reached such a level of development that a kind of social phenomenon has appeared in society — people who, being at a fairly mature age, “play in childhood”.
That is, they collect some models of cars, planes or soldiers. They spend their free time in the virtual world and choose clothes that are more relevant for teenagers.
And these are not infantile personalities, no, this is a new kidalt culture. And today we will try to figure out what are their differences and why adults are so attracted to the idea of lingering in childhood.
History of occurrence
The term itself is a neologism, that is, it appeared quite recently and consists of two English words kidult, which means a child, as well as adult, that is, an adult.
Jim Ward-Nichols was the first to use it, but Peter Martin introduced it directly. He worked for The New York Times magazine and wrote an article in 1985 about gamers.
At that time, arcades with slot machines gained wide popularity in the United States. They opened on almost every corner. And young people who were at that time about 30 to 35 years old, forgetting about everything in the world, spent a long time playing.
Psychologist Dan Keely published the book The Peter Pan Syndrome, or The Men Who Never Grow Up in 1984. Remember this boy, the hero of the book by James Barry, who stubbornly refused to become an adult? It is he who is a prominent representative of the scammers.
Dan even named the syndrome after him. Only his colleagues at the American Psychiatric Association were skeptical of the idea that such behavior is one of the signs of a nervous breakdown. Therefore, this term is not used in science. But among people in philistine conversations it is quite popular.
What are they, scammers?
According to experts, such people are simply not attracted to the idea of a serious adult life. That is, they do not pursue success, trying to outperform competitors, do not seek to create families, and even more so, to be fathers or mothers.
If for some reason they begin to build relationships, then with the condition that there are no obligations. Living together is alarming, especially if the partner interferes with their usual and beloved way of life. And especially, does not share their hobbies.
They love attention and want at least one person to take care of them. Basically, this function is performed by parents, in particular mothers. Because, having fun in your free time, there is absolutely no time to do household chores. Yes and no desire.
But they are not always categorically opposed to relationships or the birth of children. It is quite possible to coexist with them and even happily. On one condition, that you have to give up the idea and illusions that someday this adult child will grow up and stop spending money on non-essential items.
You might think that such individuals have financial problems and someone provides for their needs. But it was not there.
A kidult is an adult who occasionally allows himself to «return» to childhood. Therefore, in general, he has a good income. If only because some hobbies are not cheap at all and not everyone can afford them.
The idea of career growth does not appeal to them, yes, but it is necessary in order to get the coveted toy.
By the way, under the toy is meant not only something for children. For example, constant monitoring of new technologies that appear on the market is also taken for kidalism.
Causes
Pipe dreams
The reasons are rather banal. As a child, such a person wholeheartedly desired, for example, a game console or a set of collectible cars. But due to various circumstances, the financial situation of the parents did not allow allocating funds to make the dream a reality.
Or there was a refusal for educational purposes, so as not to spoil. This is especially true in relation to boys, whom they sometimes try to raise in a strict framework.
The need to grow up early also gives rise to the idea that when I can achieve independence and freedom, I will finally allow myself to do whatever I want, which was previously forbidden, but which I desperately wanted.
For example, during the Soviet Union there was an acute shortage of various goods. And even if there was money, it was not always possible to get what you wanted. Children of that time could only watch one episode of the cartoon a day. Unlike modern kids, who have the opportunity to choose any and sometimes spend the whole day with gadgets in their hands.
untimely maturity
Earlier maturation usually occurs when more children appear in the family and responsibility for them is shifted to the eldest. Then he has no choice but to become a «parent» to his brother or sister.
Especially if, for some reason, mom and dad do not cope with their duties. That is, instead of playing with dolls or football in the yard with the others, he has to change diapers, feed, lull and change the baby.
A difficult childhood is also manifested in the excessive ambition and strictness of relatives. They load all kinds of circles, sections, tutors and so on. He is deprived of the right to be himself, to live freely.
Changes in the family system
Modern families do not live as they should, but organize their life and form rules in such a way that they feel comfortable directly.
Therefore, quite often you can observe how a woman earns money, while her husband at this time is on maternity leave. Homework is usually invisible, but takes a lot of time and resources. Why does a man want to “get away” from household chores at least a little, take a break from a child, and make it easier with the help of computer games.
Or the woman is tired of the Groundhog Day lifestyle and is also looking for ways to relieve stress.
The absence of some kind of parental figure can also affect the development of kidalism. When the family is incomplete and the baby has nowhere to take an example.
Most mothers raise boys on their own and surround them with excessive care. Or the sons have to take on the role of a mature man and help earn money so that they have enough to live on.
In rural areas, they have to work in the garden on an equal basis with everyone else. From a very young age, learning the “charms” of hard work, which deprives them of carelessness and spontaneity.
Infantilism or not?
An infantile is an immature person, moreover, on a psychophysical level. He has a delay in social development. Often along with or in connection with physical disorders. Which arose later, for example, transferred infections in fetal development, difficult births, brain injuries, and so on.
Kidalt, on the other hand, simply retained his childhood hobbies, which allow him to get away from reality, at least for a while, which is sometimes completely unbearable. Such a way to discharge, get rid of stress.
For example, when he comes home after a hard day at work as a top manager, he turns on Smeshariki, puts on fur slippers in the form of some kind of monster, kugurumi pikachu and relaxes while eating ice cream.
A peculiar way to get rid of stress, but it allows you to maintain peace of mind and health, both on a physical and mental level. Having exhaled, in the morning he will begin to solve rather difficult issues with renewed vigor.
That is, this is a mature person who is able to take responsibility for her actions, she knows how to make decisions and be active.
Infantil expects someone else to do it instead of him. That he will play and have fun, and those around him will provide him with the conditions for a full life.
He has a completely childish logic, he is naive and unable to predict events, independently promote his skills and talents in order to achieve success. They are often gifted, but the world can only know about them if someone else takes care of it.
For more information on infantile disorder, please click on this link.
Who more?
There is an opinion that there are more scammers among men. Indeed, women have a less pronounced need to return to girlhood. If only because, according to their characteristics, they are more in need of stability and confidence in the future. They are considered less reckless and irresponsible.
The beautiful half of humanity sometimes works for wear and tear, respectively, needs to relieve stress.
Not everyone feels the desire to become a mother; such a trend as childfree is gaining wide popularity in the world. That is, a conscious refusal to give birth to a baby, in order to live life for your own pleasure, to fulfill yourself professionally, and so on.
If for men Peter Pan serves as a prototype, then for young ladies it is Pippi longstocking and a princess.
The former prefer anime, wear all kinds of T-shirts and T-shirts with cartoon characters, toy key chains on backpacks in the form of animals, and so on. It is here that you can find any thing of the Hello kitty brand, both on phones, tablets, and in the form of jewelry.
The second is attracted by the image of Barbie, which you really want to be like. Choose, respectively, dresses and skirts with ruffles, bows and tiaras. There are even dolls for such «girls». They are very expensive, but with jewelry made of precious metals and stones. And in haute couture clothes, replicas of the latest fashion shows.
They want to be young forever, which is why they are desperately trying to hide their age by “merging” with teenagers.
The personal life of such women develops successfully very rarely. Since partners basically go to others, more sexual, in their opinion. And no pink bows.
The world of male scammers is a little different. They are getting more serious. In terms of success and strength they demonstrate with the help of gadgets. For example, it can be robots, gyroscooters, three-wheeled scooters, jackets and backpacks with a solar battery to charge smartphones, iPhones. Even the popcorn maker will delight them.
Completion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! As you can see, there is nothing particularly wrong with kidalism. Each of us has our own weaknesses. So why can’t someone buy a new iPhone if they can afford it? And according to statistics, out of five people, only four are mature and conscious, in accordance with their age.
The main thing is that these hobbies do not become the only way to relax, relieve stress. Otherwise, then the virtual, invented world will replace the real one.
And finally, I want to recommend that you read the article, which contains information about what other, in addition to infantilism, mental disorders exist.
Take care of yourself and be happy!
The material was prepared by a psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Zhuravina Alina