When a child is frankly ill, everyone pity him, understands, and tries to help him. When a disease is somewhere “in the head,” in our society, for some reason, they consider it to be a disease. She is mistaken for being spoiled. And, of course, the parents are to blame: they did not teach them to speak in a whisper, to behave correctly, not to be an upstart.
If you knew how much effort is actually put into teaching a little person the most basic things. What others learn intuitively, we have a process that stretches out for an indefinite time. I remembered, but suddenly forgot – this is not a deception. This is indeed the case.
My child is not like everyone else. He is hyperactive. And this is not just a play on words, no. This is the official diagnosis. ADHD is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. I will clarify: it happens that a child is inattentive, restless, but at the same time phlegmatic or melancholic by nature. This is probably the easiest option. We were “out of luck.” To the awl in the priest, Timofey also mixes up a violent explosive temperament. Emotional instability, you know. You will not notice this in the first minute. Ten minutes after talking to him, you will politely say that he is very … lively and talkative. In another half hour, you will probably have a headache. And you hardly want us to keep you company for a long time.
Now I understand very well that not every loud and disturbing child is poorly educated. I want others to understand this too. Believe me, we, the mothers of such children, are well aware that our “energizers” most likely interfere with your quietly sitting kids watching a performance, listening to an excursion, playing with an animator, and learning. Yes, you never know the lessons of the children’s team. But they also want all this. How will they learn the rules of society if they are isolated from this society?
But in fact, it’s terrible when your child is uncomfortable for everyone. When he, escaping from his hands, rushes through the assembly hall, disrupting the kindergarten holiday in honor of March 8. Goes into a tailspin, because there are a lot of people in the hall. He sees the crowd, and he “wedges”. He screams, pulls everyone, and perhaps does not walk with a wheel. Ostap is carrying …
And someone’s grandmother says loudly and discontentedly: “Well, where is this boy’s mother!” And then you leave the hall, and you try to calm down the most bitter tears in life from the fact that he did not read the prepared poem.
Do you know what is actually the hardest part? Control yourself. Constantly keep in mind that he is not on purpose, that he cannot do otherwise. When you live like on a swing. A week, two, three, everything is fine. But you live like a compressed spring. Because you understand: it’s not for long.
And then at some point you relax. And you start to get angry. The fact that for the hundred thousandth time he does not remember how to put on socks correctly. The fact that he cannot be silent for at least thirty seconds. The fact that he breaks down into an instant hysteria on the simplest words. The fact that he can climb into the arms of a person whom he knows for five minutes.
And you break down. This is the most dangerous thing. For such children instantly “mirror” your condition. As long as you are affectionate with him, he is affectionate with the whole world. One big fight – and a little devil moves into your son. And this means that screams, quarrels and scandals settle in your house for at least two weeks.
– Tim, why are you acting like that? – This is the last cry in the hearts. – We just discussed with you that falling into tantrums is wrong, you need to learn to restrain yourself. Why are you doing this again, it’s only been three minutes? Is it really so difficult to control yourself ?!
– Mom, it turns out that way … – He already has eyes full of sincere tears, his lower lip is trembling.
And at this moment I am blown away like a balloon. Yes. It is itself. He wants. He tries. He can not. Therefore, a simple laugh with him usually turns into a stormy, in no way calming fun, and from it – immediately into tears.
“The parts of the brain responsible for self-control have not matured,” neurologists explained to me. “That’s why he’s so emotionally unstable.
Lord, when will they finally ripen.
I will never forget how one day Timofey came from the garden and asked: “Mom, am I strange?”
– Why strange, son? – A lump in my throat prevented not only speaking – breathing.
– I see that I am not like everyone else. I’m trying. But I can not.
Four and a half years. Four! And a half! Charles! At four and a half years old, the little man who is supposed to enjoy a happy childhood asks me why he is not like everyone else! He expects me to calm him down now. And I comfort you. How could it be otherwise? And somewhere under the spoon, the fear of school sucks disgustingly. Where mom is not around and where “strangeness” is fraught with trouble.
PS In fact, we are doing well. My child is a genius. No, I’m not saying that, and I don’t think so. But this is what adults say to me, with whom he manages to communicate. Assistant teacher in kindergarten. Nanny in the children’s room. Store clerk.
If it has disappeared somewhere, it means that it has arrived somewhere. My son’s brain works just like that. At the age of five, he has been reading fluently for two years now, although no one has taught him this, has a photographic memory, is better at handling gadgets than I am, and counts in the thousands. This is called compensatory development. Healthy areas take over the functions of damaged ones.
He is an intelligent, funny, kind, loving and beloved boy. He is well-read, he is polite, he will always help. He will call you affectionate names and words. No matter how old you are, you will be Tanechka, Katenka, Natasha for him.
And we will outgrow this trouble.