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The libido of the pregnant woman: ups and downs
Because it is synonymous with hormonal, physical and mental upheavals, pregnancy has an impact on sex life. Desires come and go, depending on the term and the feelings of each partner. There is no rule in the matter, except that of continuing to think of yourself as a couple and not just as future parents.
In the first trimester: hormonal disruption, physical change, fatigue and stress
Even though pregnancy is hardly visible, libido is often compromised during the first 3 months. The loss of libido of the pregnant woman is explained by the fear of having a miscarriage often associated with a very great fatigue and nausea, even vomiting. Not to mention the influx of progesterone which naturally tends to inhibit libido.
Libido during pregnancy: when desire returns in the 2nd trimester
Estrogen produced by the placenta now tends to stimulate libido. More congested, better lubricated, the tissues of the vagina can tend to be permanently in a state close to that of sexual arousal. Like the clitoris and the breasts, they are much more sensitive and receptive to caressing. Often, the cravings for a hug multiply and the pleasure increases, sometimes even offering some pregnant women the opportunity to experience their first orgasm. This sometimes makes future parents say that they have the impression of living a second honeymoon.
In the third trimester: is sex still possible?
Medically speaking, nothing stands in the way of continuing sexual activity in the weeks leading up to childbirth. The exceptions are a severe risk of premature labor, a crack in the water bag (the risk of infection is too high) or a preliminary cake. Rest assured, the fetus is completely sealed off from what may be happening, safe in its amniotic sac and behind the thick mucous plug that obstructs the cervix. Nevertheless, it happens that its presence, combined with the prominence of an increasingly visible belly, harms the libido. However, even if the urge to have sex, with or without penetration, is no longer there, it is essential to stay in touch with the couple. Even if you don’t have sex anymore, keep touching each other, shake hands, take showers together, massage each other… It will help you stay a couple when you become parents.
If either of you is suffering from any changes that have occurred in your sexuality, try to talk about it before it takes on disproportionate proportions, by not talking about the other, it is immediately perceived as accusing, but of you and how you feel. If nothing helps, if the subject poisons your relationship, do not hesitate to talk about it with your gynecologist, your midwife, or even the maternity psychologist, they are there for that too.
It should be noted
- It is common to suffer from vaginal dryness during pregnancy, hormonal upheavals oblige. It is easy to overcome with a lubricating gel.
- Venous disorders during pregnancy can result in vulvar varicose veins: one or both of the labia majora begins to swell and this can be very painful during intercourse. It is possible to relieve them with appropriate local treatment and oral venotonics. Don’t hesitate to talk to your midwife or gynecologist. And rest assured, vulvar varicose veins disappear spontaneously after childbirth.
And after childbirth?
Hormonal upheavals, pain, fatigue … It is quite natural not to want to make love during the days and weeks following childbirth. But the reverse is just as true. As always in matters of sexuality, there are no written rules. From a strictly medical point of view, there is also no specific waiting period. Some doctors advise you to wait until the bleeding has stopped, but this is not an official recommendation. In the event of an episiotomy, to avoid pain the first few times, it is better to wait 3 weeks, while allowing the tissues to heal. Then use a lubricating gel and adopt a position that will avoid friction on the scar. In all cases, the use of a lubricant is often necessary, vaginal dryness being frequent during the weeks following childbirth.
Remember that when it comes to a return to sexuality after baby, there is no standard or obligation. The main thing is that the couple is on the same wavelength, that you dialogue about your respective desires and that you stay close. Who says absence of penetration does not necessarily mean absence of physical contact. Massages, for example, can be an example of a way to “reconnect”, for your partner as well as for yourself, with your body. But be careful, if despite all your precautions and after several attempts, discomfort persists in the scar from the episiotomy, talk to your doctor: an unabsorbed suture or a small inflammatory condition may be the cause.
Whenever you plan to resume an active sex life, it is before leaving maternity that you should think about your contraception and talk about it with a midwife or a gynecologist. There are still many unwanted pregnancies today in the weeks or months following the baby’s arrival. Particularly because, contrary to popular belief, even if it delays the return of diapers, breastfeeding is not a reliable means of contraception.
If you are feeding your child, in addition to the condom, there are several contraceptive methods compatible with breastfeeding, to be determined in agreement with your doctor:
- taking a micro-progestogen pill as early as 3 weeks after childbirth;
- the placement of an implant from 3 weeks;
- the insertion of an intrauterine device (IUD), copper or hormonal, possible 4 after a vaginal birth.
If you are not breast-feeding, in addition to the condom, the doctor may refer you to:
- a progestin-only pill that can be started 3 weeks after childbirth;
- an implant, which can be placed 3 weeks after childbirth;
- an intrauterine device (IUD) which can be inserted within the first 48 hours or from 4 weeks after delivery, unless you have had a cesarean section;
- a combined pill, which can be taken from the 3rd week.