“The Invention of Love”

What we call love today – the expectation of meetings, dreams of a date, admiration for the perfection of a loved one, sadness in separation from him and the refined enjoyment of this sadness (which serves as confirmation of the authenticity of our feelings) – is by no means a natural given. The relationship between a man and a woman for a long time resembled the capture of booty or a trade deal. And only in the XII century, sensuality was enriched due to the experience of spiritual experiences accumulated by that time, a woman turned from a “household object” into a Beautiful Lady, a man learned not to lust, but to desire, rituals of beautiful knightly courtship arose. This is how love was invented. Even the name of the inventor is known! Or rather, inventors. This is the beautiful Eleanor of Aquitaine. For several years she was a French queen, participated with her husband-king in a crusade, then received a divorce, which returned her titles, lands and wealth to her, and, before becoming queen again – this time English (by the way, the new husband was 11 years younger than her), created her own lush courtyard, where both balls and philosophical debates were held. It was there that love etiquette was developed in detail and enshrined in law (!) Love etiquette. The love court, in which sometimes up to 60 court ladies sat, sorted out various heartfelt matters, such as the question of the behavior of a certain cruel lady who accepted signs of worship from a knight, but did not want to give him even a shadow of hope for her favor in return. These events were playful and theatrical in nature, but it was they who created a new culture of feelings that influenced not only the whole of Europe, but also us. Everyone who has been in love, even the most radical atheist, will not deny that the moment of the first meeting with a beloved is depicted in our memories as non-random, fateful, predetermined from above – and in this we hear an echo of the mystical experiences of our predecessors.

Alexander Balhaus generously shares information about the love and marriage life of aristocrats, burghers and peasants, discusses strict church prohibitions and how they were implemented in reality, the role of erotic mysteries in the teachings of heretics, the changeable ratio of the carnal and the spiritual in the morality of that vast and heterogeneous era that we know (or rather do not know) under the name of the Middle Ages. Reflecting on this, we will be able to make discoveries both in the depths of history and in the depths of our soul. It has become customary to compare our love customs with the instinctive behavior of animals, in which nothing can be changed. But here we will see how much culture is in them and how the creative will of a bright personality can sometimes change the mores of an entire era. Why not an example for us?