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Does your child have an imaginary friend? No need to be scared. Perhaps this testifies to his talents and creative abilities. How to respond to the fruits of childhood fantasies and even make friends with them, explains school psychologist Jessica Koehler.
“Abraham Lincoln is my grandfather,” the five-year-old says to me casually. “What?” I ask, prudently hiding in silence. “Well, yes,” the child continues, already almost crying, “I was so upset when he was shot in the theater.”
So, with an example from her own life, Jessica Koehler’s research article begins on the topic of imaginary friends and how to deal with a child’s overactive fantasy. “This is one of many examples of our son’s imaginary relationships. In addition to historical figures, he prefers book characters, movie actors, or completely fictional characters – all of which often feature prominently in his daily games. Stories with imaginary friends are multifaceted, the emotional connection is strong. Isn’t it time for us to worry?”
The psychology of imaginary friends
In childhood, they appear quite often. Approximately two-thirds of children between the ages of three and eight make up imaginary friends, which sometimes “linger” into adolescence. Most likely, girls are more prone to this, and the images of invented companions in children of different sexes differ.
Girls are more likely to take a teaching position in such relationships, nursing toddlers—animals or infants. Boys, in turn, create strong and knowledgeable “buddies” more powerful than themselves. Relations with such friends can be hierarchical or equal.
According to the study, fictional companions usually fall into one of two categories: invisible creatures or personified objects. Most children are well aware that their friends do not exist in reality, and even point out this to adults, much to their relief. Behind the fictitious companion lies a cosmos created by the child’s imagination, an amazing world of fantasy.
Where do they come from?
Basically, such creatures are invented just for fun. Quite often, imaginative children are well socialized and love everything that has to do with fantasy. These personality traits come together and provoke the child to create imaginary companions.
Stephanie Carson’s research suggests that children endow them with the functionality to satisfy three psychological needs based on the theory of self-determination.
1. The need for competence
In relationships with imaginary friends, children often assign themselves the role of a leader who teaches a less competent “comrade”.
2. The need for relationships
Relations with them are sometimes no less strong than with real friends.
3. Need for autonomy
Sometimes invented companions help children manipulate the situation in order to gain control over what is happening.
parental doubts
As early as 1945, Dr. Benjamin Spock wrote that parents should be concerned if a child over the age of four still has imaginary friends. In his opinion, their appearance testified to the inability or lack of something in the child in real life.
Jean Piaget, one of the most famous psychologists of the 1962th century who studied child development, stated in XNUMX that the presence of imaginary friends can be a sign of a child’s developmental disorder.
Children have their own enchanted world that they don’t always want to discover.
However, the scientific evidence of the last three decades does not support the view of Dr. Spock and Piaget. Recent research suggests that having imaginary friends is associated with positive psychological outcomes in childhood and later in life.
Positive psychological indicators
The study looked at the relationship between imaginary friend fantasies and positive psychological indicators. It turned out that children who had imaginary companions also had a wider vocabulary and better speech skills. They were found to be less shy and more socially oriented, and generally had a high level of creativity.
Scientists have seen a correlation between a child’s rich imagination and better scores on a creativity test. Interestingly, these children turned out to be more inventive than their peers in coming up with new options for using various objects. They are less constrained by functional standards.
Thus, the data suggest that daydreamers can grow into creative adults whose imaginative scores are higher than those of others.
hyperexcitability
Some psychologists still doubt the necessary relationship between the appearance of imaginary friends in a child and his excellent intellectual performance. At the same time, there is already a theory supporting the idea that children with good cognitive abilities have rich imaginations.
The theory of positive disintegration by Kazimierz Dąbrowski includes an important point regarding the concept of hyperexcitability, that is, increased mental excitability in gifted children. The description of this phenomenon largely coincides with the characteristics of those who have invented friends.
Here is a list of characteristics of the overexcitability of the imagination in children, described by Dombrowski:
- Frequent use of images and metaphors
- Opportunity to imagine and imagine
- The ability for detailed visualization, the perception of poetry and dramatic art, a tendency to animate the world around us and a readiness for magic
- Ability to live in a fantasy world
- Passion for magical books and fairy tales
- stage ability
- Spontaneous creation of visual images to express emotional tension
- Animistic imagination, mixing of reality and fiction, the ability to produce dreams and illusions
- boredom intolerance
It’s an interesting field of research that Jessica Koehler hopes will soon be thoroughly explored to prove the connection between children’s hyperexcitability and their making of imaginary friends.
Openness to new experience
Another area for scientific research is related to the well-known theory of the “Big Five” personality traits. Research has uncovered a possible link between the tendency to make friends and openness to experience. And this, in turn, again refers to the concept of hyperexcitability and giftedness.
The meeting place is a fantasy
In 1999, imagination and creativity psychologist Marjorie Taylor described imaginary companions as a “magic circle” in her book Imaginary Friends and the Children Who Make Them. According to Jessica Koehler, this is the perfect analogy.
Children have their own enchanted world, which they do not always want to discover. And if the parents were allowed there, then it is worth gratefully accepting such an experience. This is a great opportunity to connect with your child and learn about their feelings through questions and careful exploration of the fantasy world.
An imaginary friend should be treated with caution and in no case should you take over him, because the child wants to control the situation. Throughout this amazing journey, parents will enjoy the joy of communicating with their child, and in the future they can contribute to the development of a creative personality. “Perhaps it is in your family that the new Agatha Christie is growing,” concludes Jessica Koehler.