The illusion of deception: why we choose to be mistaken

Illusions are false beliefs and ideal ideas about ourselves, props, a distorted reality that we take for truth. They make it difficult to be objective and adequately perceive what is happening around.

We can be mistaken quite sincerely, accept our delusions as the only possible truth. But even so, we need them for personal or social benefits. So, for example, a woman can intuitively feel a lie in her partner’s words, but stubbornly “believe” in his words about love and devotion.

Many are mistaken in their social significance: a person gives all his strength to work and believes that it is realized socially, is important for the team. But there is a situation when it turns out to be unnecessary. Or a volunteer one day realizes that his social work is a way to get away from dark thoughts and oppressive feelings of loneliness, and not a solution to a real problem.

We can also “play” with delusion: knowing full well what’s what, make a choice in favor of the chosen social mask or role. This is what many political leaders, builders of financial pyramids, pseudo-spiritual teachers and leaders, marketers do. They promise, reassure, promise exactly as long as it is beneficial to them.

The nature of delusions

Whether we like it or not, we live in a world of delusions: about reality and ourselves, about our loved ones, about the sphere of spiritual experience. Some of them we receive in childhood from our first “social teachers” – parents and immediate environment.

“You are my smartest / strongest / beautiful,” my mother convinces us. And we grow, sincerely considering ourselves the very best.

The first epiphany comes when we find ourselves in a new social group – a kindergarten or a school. It turns out that there are people who are indifferent to us, and sometimes even hostile. In addition, it turns out that we are not the most intelligent, capable and talented. Often, relatives try to help us maintain our self-image: “Anyway, you are the best!”, “But I have you …”, “Who are you listening to!”. This is how self-esteem is gradually formed – either adequate, or (if psychological protection does not work) underestimated.

In parallel, misconceptions about others are formed. In childhood, we are sure that parents are omnipotent, they will protect, cure, help in any situation. They are always right because they know absolutely everything. And parents support these misconceptions for a long time – they want us to feel secure. Later, teachers join the army of all-powerful adults.

The collapse of illusions can occur when we are faced with impotence, confusion, adult mistakes. Or it may not happen – and then we will consider: everyone who is older (higher in position, status) is a priori right and can decide our fate.

We also harbor illusions about relationships with others. The concept of “living happily ever after and dying on the same day” makes many hold on to an unloved partner and turn a blind eye to their own suffering.

По мере взросления мы взращиваем, любим и бережем свои заблуждения. Меняем социальные маски, добросовестно играем социальные роли, стремимся быть и выглядеть более успешными. Нами движут социальные эмоции и чувства. Например, стыд и гордость. Мы стремимся самореализоваться, выделится в социальной среде, произвести впечатление на других и при этом следовать социальным нормам.

Society pressure

The emergence of social norms, the ability of people to maintain, maintain and disseminate them in the first half of the 5th century was studied by the Turkish psychologist Muzafer Sherif. He placed the subjects in a dark room. At a distance of 15 m, a point source of light appeared, which after a while began to move to the side. The subject had to determine how far. Since the room was dark and he didn’t have any “reference point”, he began to give an answer at random: 25 cm, 20 cm. Usually the answers fluctuated around the number XNUMX cm.

The next day, the person found himself in the same situation, but in the company of other subjects, who on the eve allegedly also watched the luminous dot. They offered their answers: 2,5 cm, 5 cm.

Try to put yourself in the place of the subject. Would you change your choice? Most likely, you answered “no”. However, in reality, most people significantly change their answer under the influence of someone else’s opinion.

When Sheriff conducted an experiment six months later with the same subjects, it turned out that the opinion formed under the influence of the group became a stable “personal” belief. The person sincerely believed that the point had moved not by 15 or 25, but by 5 cm.

Урок из проведенных исследований: наши представления о действительности принадлежат не только нам.

Farewell to illusions

Illusion is an escape from real life. A person starts to flee on his own, but soon a group of associates may form around. Religious sects, pseudo-spiritual societies, communities of computer game fans – there are a lot of examples.

Чем это опасно? Допустим, мы попали в ситуацию, которая противоречит нашим представлениям. Для неподготовленной психики, привыкшей к сладости убеждений, это настоящий удар. Утрата иллюзий — это подрыв и разрушение убеждений. Это всегда большой стресс для личности: то, что мы привыкли считать незыблемым, больше не поддерживает нас. Это значит осознать, что мы смотрели на мир через замочную скважину или розовые очки.

Итак, иллюзорность рушится, реальность накрывает человека с головой. Дальше — один из двух путей. Первый: открыть глаза и прозреть, пересмотреть свои взгляды, наладить контакт с реальностью без призм и фильтров. К сожалению, это мало кому удается. Наше шаблонное мышление и индивидуальные защитные механизмы заставляют активно искать возможности выстроить новые цепочки иллюзий и заблуждений. Так будет до следующей волны, которая смоет все ранее выстроенное, и человек снова окажется перед выбором: реальность или новая иллюзия.

Как бы мы ни старались создавать свой удобный иллюзорный мир снова или снова, рано или поздно придется решать реальные проблемы, а значит — выходить из зоны призрачного комфорта.

How to do it? First of all, accept reality as it is. Don’t be intimidated by it and don’t try to remake it just because it doesn’t meet your expectations.

It is important to get rid of expectations:

• “I should be better than him (s)” – no, they should not.
• «Если я всегда буду позитивным, ко мне будут относиться хорошо» — нет, не факт.
• «Нужно доказать, что я прав» — нет, не нужно.
• “There must be justice in life” – no, not always.
• «Обидчика всегда нужно наказывать» — нет, не обязательно.

Learn to accept others with their strengths and weaknesses, vices and delusions. You’re not perfect either, and people don’t have to admire and love you. And you shouldn’t.

There are many things in the world that we cannot change. You can take care of your health by playing sports, leading a healthy lifestyle, but health deteriorates with age, and nothing can be done about it. You can either accept these facts, or not accept and experience fear, aggression, shame, hatred.

We have more power over the inner world than over the outer reality. We are not able to change the world, but we are able to correct the perception of the world and our expectations.