The husband does not give flowers, the wife does not cook borscht — what to do?

Many people want people to do things for them. Better for free, but if the person is a complete stranger, then you can pay.

But how to get what you want from a loved one? Specifically, from your spouse?

Here, for example, how to make a man start giving flowers from time to time? How to get borsch from your beloved wife (they are delicious by default)? Question … For those who are not satisfied with such a traditional division of requests, I give you another one — how to get delicious borscht from your husband, and from your wife an annual payment for a premium account in World of Tanks. In general, no matter what you want from your spouse, the question is how to get it.

I must say that this topic is huge and it is impossible to cram everything into one short note (not even an article). I will not talk about why you want something from a partner at all. I will not analyze the causes of such desires. I will not give safety precautions on how to avoid a person who will never help in any way. I won’t, I won’t, I won’t. I will talk about how to solve everything by talking. At the same time, by default, I believe that your spouse (your wife) is a normal, sane person, loves you, wants to live in marriage, there are no love affairs on the side (at least now).

So, what to do?

You need to start, of course, with a request. «Beloved, give me flowers, please, at least once every three months.» “Honey, please prepare your signature borscht for me.” It is curious that a request, surprisingly, always implies the possibility of refusing. A request is not an order, and marriage is not an army. If you want something from a partner, he is attention! — I don’t have to give it to you.

The exceptions are promises. Here a man promised a woman to give flowers — that’s it, keep your word. She promised to cook borscht — follow the obligations. As for the rest, the partner does not have the obligation to fully meet your expectations (wishes, desires, opinions, and so on). At the same time, any normal person understands that if they ask me for something, this “something” is important for a person. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have asked.

Accordingly, in the course of the request, it is desirable to emphasize the importance of the request for you. “Beloved, give me flowers, please, at least once every three months. This is important to me and will be very pleased!”. “Darling, please prepare your signature borscht for me. It’s important to me».

I ask you to pay attention — it is obligatory, very obligatory, extremely obligatory to emphasize the IMPORTANCE of the request. Unfortunately, even normal people are so immersed in their own affairs and worries that they do not hear their partner at all. Therefore, you have to reach out.

After you have formulated the request and emphasized its importance, you need to check what the addressee of your request thinks about this. The main ambush is that a person formulates a request and believes that this is enough. No, not enough.

Asked — wait for a response.

They said about flowers — wait. Let the person react. Don’t bug. Don’t nod. Respond fully and fully. This reaction is a confirmation that the person understood the IMPORTANCE of your request. You can say so — as far as the person brightly agreed, so he understood the IMPORTANCE of your request. If he just hooted, it means that your request seemed like nonsense to him. If he said “yes, good”, then a trifle. If “Yes, of course, I will definitely do it, I understand how IMPORTANT this is for you,” then everything is fine — I heard it completely.

After you have asked for something (with emphasizing the importance and checking for understanding), it remains to wait — the person needs time to fulfill your request. Wait as requested. Let’s say flowers can be expected for a week. Borscht — a little more. Well, and so on.

If nothing happened during this time, remind about the request. Specifically — ask: «do you remember my request?». And that’s it.

I emphasize — just remind. No need to fight in hysterics and draw far-reaching conclusions. People tend to forget. Human memory is not like a computer — it is contextual. We remember the purchase not when we drive past the store, but when we look in the refrigerator. So it is with requests. We remember them when we see a person, but not when we pass a flower stall. That’s why reminders are needed.

What to do if you updated yourself, but there are no actions anyway? Need to ask. I will even clarify — not just to ask, but to take an interest. Ask why the person does not comply with your request. But just — just take an interest, without raids and reproaches. This, by the way, is the most difficult thing to say. I want to destroy and burn …. Nevertheless, practice has shown that if it is possible to do without raids, the person responds and the issue is resolved.

Finally, when the request is fulfilled, gratitude is needed.

I will now tell you a terrible secret. Most often, people do not fulfill your requests because you do not know how to thank. I somehow specifically watched this and was amazed at how little people thank other people for their help. Sometimes they don’t even look into the eyes — they mutter “SPS” and that’s it. And this is the best option. And often they also reproach: “Finally, I deigned! I didn’t wait, I thought nothing would happen until the second coming.” After such «thanks» you want to kill, and nothing more.

Do it differently. Thank the person, thank from the bottom of your heart — he did what you wanted. Even if the result is not completely the way you like it, it’s still worth thanking — the person did it for you. Thank as much as possible and as sincerely as possible — gratitude is never superfluous, but it is always appropriate.

Let’s repeat it again:

1. Ask.

2. During the request — emphasize the importance.

3. Check understanding.

4. (if requests are not fulfilled for a long time) Remind about the request in the form of a question.

4. (if requests are still not fulfilled) Ask about the reasons for non-fulfillment.

5. Give thanks for the performance.

Does this approach guarantee XNUMX% fulfillment of your requests? No, it’s not guaranteed. But for sure — with this approach it will be easier. And to you, and to everyone to whom you address your requests.