My dears, aren’t you tired of constantly arguing, blaming and bickering with each other? You wanted to love each other, but it doesn’t work out that way. Is it possible differently? Of course you can. If you are reasonable people, it is not difficult. The main thing is that the man in your family should be a man and take on the job of being the Head of the family.
What is it — the head of the family and what are his duties, look here, and in this article I will show you an example of a conversation where there is a conflict and how to resolve it. I will give an example of a serious conversation that a real man who loves her will have with his beloved wife. Yes, the WE family will be mentioned here (as opposed to the I + I family), also look at the links.
So let’s move on to the conversation.
There is a simple idea in this conversation: in any business there should be a senior. Whatever you call him — leader, commander, chief — but in any business there must be someone who keeps order. No senior — no order. Two commanders means there is not a single commander. A car does not have two steering wheels. Yes?
So here is the discussion in the family — it will be productive when the family has a head of the family: the one who makes the final decision. There is no main thing in the family — you will discuss the simplest issues for hours and generate conflicts out of the blue. And if there is a head of the family in the family, then why swear? The problem arose — the spouses discussed the problem. The husband listened to his wife, with her help he saw the situation from different angles, and based on this he made a decision. And as he received it, he voiced it. Well, that’s all, there’s nothing more to argue about, then you just need to carry out. Kissed — and go! Isn’t everything wonderful? A fairy tale, and more!
Unfortunately, today the culture of such relationships is lost. I am often asked to show and tell: how can this happen in reality? Is this actually real? Really. I repeat: reasonable people can do it. And how — yes, I’ll show you.
Begin?
My wife stayed up late in the evening after midnight, she did not respond to the request to go to bed. Her husband closed her laptop and sent her to bed, she left with a grunt and a displeased face. How to react to this husband?
In the morning, a husband with a thoughtful face during breakfast says: “I have a conversation with you. You didn’t want to go to bed yesterday, I took it upon myself to put you to bed. In response, I heard intonations, as if I was not loving, a bad person who offended you. I don’t like it, and I think it’s your fault. I want to understand. If I misunderstood your intonation and you were angry with yourself and not with me, I ask your forgiveness. If I heard them correctly, then please tell me how I should put you to bed so that it would not hurt you and you only thanked me for this help? I’m ready to learn the right words and intonations, my love!”
I do not know…
Well, I understand, Then I ask you: think, find and tell me the wording that is suitable for you. In the meantime, you have not come up with, I will take care of you as much as I can, and I kiss you on this cheek for this care of mine! You can start now!
And I don’t want you to lay me down! “I don’t agree with you staying up past midnight. And what will we do? — I can’t do that! (And upset).
Family orders. First, we go to bed on time. Accepted? (Yes…). Second: if I fulfill my duties as the head of the family and put you to bed, you are not offended, but kiss me. Yes? (Yes…). And third: during a serious conversation, you can’t get upset. This is pressure on me. You can discuss, you can not put pressure on me. Yes? (Yes…).
Usually, with reasonable people, this is where everything ends, and we are very happy for them. However, in more difficult cases, you will have to fight a little more. Indeed, and if it sounds: “No, I do not agree! These are my feelings! You do not respect me!».
Okay, so it happens. Are we playing further? Go!
So, orders for the family. First, we go to bed on time. Accepted? (Yes…). Second: if I fulfill my duties as the head of the family and put you to bed, you are not offended, but kiss me. Yes? (Yes…). And third: during a serious conversation, you can’t get upset. This is pressure on me. You can discuss, you can not put pressure on me. Yes?
No, I disagree! These are my feelings! You do not respect me!
Do not be noisy. I respect you, but your feelings… I really respect some of your feelings, but not your frustrations and resentments. This is pressure on me covered by your unfortunate appearance, this is gu.e.i manipulation and violation of the rules of our family. If you want to be sad, be sad at another time, and not during a serious conversation.
Forbidding me my feelings is selfish! You think about yourself, this is not a WE family!
It’s not, you’re wrong. Suppose the husband wants to drink. He is quiet, he does not beat his wife — let him drink? If the wife thinks about herself, it is easier for her to let the peasant drink: there is less trouble, and there will be enough for the peasant for 15 years. That’s enough for her. If the wife of her husband loves and takes care of him, she will not allow him to drink and will fight for him.
Likewise with us. If we had a me+me family and I thought about my personal convenience, I would say, “Sorry for God’s sake, I don’t care. I’ll mind my own business, I don’t care how you act. Taking care of you and re-educating you is trouble and strain, it’s easier for me to let you grieve. I don’t want you to get used to playing the Unfortunate Victim, I don’t want you to get into the habit of getting upset instead of thinking, the habit of pushing instead of discussing. I don’t want you in 15 years to become a miserable, worried fool. I want you to remain smart, beloved and the very, very best for a long, long time, all your life. I love you, I will fight for you and will not allow you such depravity and disgrace. Because we are family!
And if you think that this is not my concern for you, but my selfishness, then from now on this will be the only topic of our discussions with you. We have to figure this out. You shouldn’t live with an egoist?! Do you agree with me?
…
What do you think?
Hugging you!