Lea Torres is a physician, reproductive health specialist. The work forced her to join the childfree stream. Pregnancy? No thanks. Sounds awful.
Attitudes towards pregnant women and motherhood can be different. However, it is difficult to expect such an attitude from a person, a woman who has chosen to help others to have children as her life’s work. Lea Torres shared about pregnancy and motherhood experience. It is, frankly, a little shocking. Woman’s Day has translated the doctor’s column for our readers, and we reproduce it in full here.
“Pregnancy is terrible. I know a lot about this. Fortunately, I never had to suffer while pregnant (thanks to contraceptives!). No, I don’t want to give birth. Never.
I am amazed by the fact that there are women who are ready for nausea every morning, for weeks of constipation and even, excuse me, hemorrhoids, for a myriad of other ailments associated with pregnancy. But they are – I see them every day.
I cannot explain such dedication. I asked one of my patients to tell me what pregnancy really is. She was so grateful to me for taking care of her that she agreed to write a few words. And this is what she wrote:
“I really wanted to have children. If not for that, I would never have gotten pregnant. I do not blame those who choose childlessness. Pregnancy is bad. The nausea does not go away. I am carrying a third child. I am now 37 weeks old and still nauseous. And crying. You cry all the time – for no reason. One day you get so angry at your cry that you get into a fight with your husband – for no reason, out of the blue, just to have a reason to cry.
It happens that it becomes impossible to breathe. Walking from the living room to the bedroom is exhausting. As you walk this distance, everything hurts, and you want to die, because life is becoming too hard.
Let me put it this way: childbirth is the best part of pregnancy because it saves you all of this trouble. As soon as the child ceases to be a part of you, everything instantly leaves – and this is not an exaggeration. This is not because you have become so absorbed in love for your child that you have forgotten how awful it was. No, the baby was literally sucking the life out of you, and now that he’s born, you feel better because you are no longer one.
I love my children more than anything else. This is the reason why I am going through a hell called pregnancy. I need children, without them I cannot be happy. But I will never pretend that pregnancy is beautiful and magical, because it is not. “
Indeed, nothing beautiful or magical. Besides, I know that pregnancy is very dangerous. For 9 months, a woman’s body is rebuilt. She is exposed to risks such as diabetes, hypertension, heart failure, seizures. In 2010, an interesting study was conducted in the UK, which showed that pregnancy is more dangerous than general anesthesia, hang gliding or airplane flying, diving, rock climbing, rafting. The risk of dying during childbirth or from complications during pregnancy is 10 times higher than from complications from abortion.
Banning abortion or hating childfree is like banning scuba diving or loathing those who are afraid to fly. Doctors refuse to have abortions because of their personal convictions – it’s like refusing to get a blood transfusion for the same reason. After all, both of these actions are aimed at saving life. In this case, the life of the embryo is valued higher than the life of a conceived woman who is not ready to give birth to a child.
We perceive pregnancy as a common occurrence. We are not aware of all the risks a woman is exposed to. Why don’t we honor these brave and selfless women every day? Instead, we shrug our shoulders and say, “This is your choice.”
Pregnant women suffer for several months, risk their health and life in order for a new person to be born. And society, instead of treating them with utmost respect, ignores them. Even their own mothers.
And at the same time, we shame those who do not want to have children. “How, you don’t want to risk your life and health to give birth? Why don’t you feel so weak that even breathing hurts? Why don’t you want to be at risk of a pulmonary embolism that can kill you and your baby? Dizziness, hypertension, stroke – it’s not all that bad, huh? “
It’s okay not to want to get pregnant. Just like not wanting diabetes, seizures, vomiting. However, we consider ourselves entitled to condemn women who go for an abortion or refuse to have children at all. Personally, I understand that it is good and correct to bear and give birth to a child. There are no children without this. But I don’t want to participate in this. And the further – the better I understand it.
But I will still remain a doctor who loves you. “