A three-year-old toddler runs around the summer cottage, he sees beautiful flowers, he wants to tear them. But mom is against the child tearing and immediately throwing her gladioli on the ground, so she does not allow him to run around the site unattended. Lack of freedom … If the child has learned the ban: “Flowers cannot be torn!” and understands what flowers are that cannot be picked — he gets permission to walk around the site without his mother. He gained freedom, he earned it by listening to his mother, who explained to him how flowers differ from burdocks, and decided to obey his mother, not to tear the flowers.
The smaller the child, the more unquestioningly he must listen to his parents.
Can a child run out of a summer cottage? If there is a passing road nearby and the child does not know that one should never run out onto the road and in no way, he should not run out from the summer cottage either. Absolutely impossible.
But even on the plot: suppose the mother does not mind if the child picks any flowers on the plot, but in the area of the outstretched hand from the child, the neighboring plot begins, and flowers grow there that cannot be picked. As then? The child does not yet know what “our plot” and “neighboring plot” are, he sees a flower here and a flower nearby, but here you can pick a flower, but not next to it. Why?? How to understand it? No way to understand it. Yes, the child does not yet have the means to understand these adult divisions «ours — others», and therefore in such cases his task is not to understand, but simply to obey. This is possible, and this is not. You can tear this flower, but you can’t pick the same one next to it. Simply — you can’t. It’s impossible. Why? Because mom said no. And that’s it.
If the child has learned this and began to obey his mother, he will freely run around the site. He does not obey his mother — mother will only keep him next to her, otherwise she will tie him on a leash …
What does it mean — the child grows, the child grows up? This means, in particular, that he himself already knows what is possible and what is not. This means that the external prohibitions have become its internal prohibitions. It is no longer necessary that “it is impossible” every time his mother shouted to him or his father spanked him for violating the ban; the child already understands that it is impossible to take someone else’s and on the road — they do not indulge. The child grows up — and parents can give him more freedom. Smart parents want their children to have more freedom, and therefore make sure that children know the taboos. And it all starts with the fact that young children must obey their parents — implicitly. Straightaway. On account of times.