Since childhood, we have been told that it is dangerous to trust strangers, and too hasty declaration of love hardly promises a happy ending. However, not everyone around is a scammer and relationships do not always end in a break. How to determine who is trustworthy? Is it possible to find a universal criterion? Or is the secret of trust in something else?
Sometimes someone does not justify trust, acts dishonestly, deceives, makes us feel pain, disappointment, resentment, and maybe even anger. We blame ourselves for our inability to understand people, we scold ourselves for gullibility and frivolity. Or we become suspicious and anxious: from now on the whole world is hostile and one must always be on the alert. This makes us unhappy and prevents us from building close relationships.
If only we could find a universal formula and easily determine who is in front of us: an honest and decent person or a deceiver who is not worthy of trust. Can we trust a salesperson who advertises a product, an acquaintance who asks for a loan, or someone we are in love with?
Often we rely on external data to make choices intuitively. For example, according to a study by Czech scientists, people with brown eyes are more trustworthy. They explain that it’s not about the color of the iris, but rather about the facial features that are associated with a brown-eyed person.
To understand whether a person is trustworthy, pay attention to how he relates to his past actions.
Another study shows that we find it easier to trust people who look like us. The reverse is also true: if we are confident in a person, we may notice a resemblance to our facial features.
These studies explain what factors influence choice. But how to distinguish among others the one who not only has a trustworthy appearance, but is also ready to take the promises he makes responsibly?
This question has also been answered. Chicago psychologists recommend paying attention to the ability to experience guilt. They conducted several experiments and found that such people had a high level of responsibility and aspired to do justice to others. If a person is well acquainted with guilt, he will avoid situations that can make him relive, and strive to fulfill obligations and do no harm to anyone.
To understand whether a person is trustworthy, pay attention to how he feels about his past actions, whether he feels regret and remorse, explains Emma Levin, head of the research team.
Trust is an interpersonal process
Scientists are trying to identify criteria that would allow you to see through the interlocutor. Clinical psychologist Catherine Apont suggests looking at the situation differently. Working with couples, she noticed that everyone perceives trust differently.
Trust in yourself and the interpersonal process will help build relationships based on mutual respect.
Many consider a partner to be trustworthy if they do not experience anxiety, anger or fear around him. But this approach does not take into account the feelings of a loved one and the motives of his actions. Indeed, sometimes someone’s behavior annoys and even angers, but in fact the person wanted to help, and not cause inconvenience.
Apont believes that it is not so much the personal characteristics of the partners that can guarantee mutual trust, but the interpersonal process that they have managed to build.
How to do it? Firstly, learn to trust yourself, and secondly, learn to openly discuss disagreements with a partner and look for solutions together.
Trusting yourself and the interpersonal process will help build relationships based on mutual respect. In this case, the partner will become the very person whom you can trust.