The five love languages… for yourself

Think about it: how would you feel about yourself if you were in the place of your partner or another loved one? How do you really feel about it? Are you taking care of yourself? Are you good with body and soul?

At times, we all scold ourselves mercilessly and set ourselves up for failure, get carried away with self-flagellation and deprive ourselves of well-deserved rewards, harm our body, not paying attention to it or consciously choosing dangerous and unpleasant situations. This behavior is not only damaging to our mental and physical health, but also to our relationships and careers. Something needs to be done about this.

Perhaps the biggest life lesson we have to learn is to learn to fully accept and love ourselves. Only then can we truly give and receive love. After all, if we love ourselves, we know that this feeling should not be accompanied by resentment, fatigue and devastation, and if someone loves us, we are sure that we deserve it.

But how do you love yourself? Family counselor Gary Chapman identifies five «love languages»: five different ways to express love. Here’s how to learn to speak to yourself in these languages.

1. Words of Encouragement: Don’t Forget to Express Love to Yourself

• Thoughts determine our emotions and behavior. Praise yourself every day.
• Repeat words of encouragement and sympathy to yourself. Show attention and care for your condition.
• Notice your strengths and everything you like about yourself. Write down any of your achievements, deeds that you are proud of, good deeds, virtues, and so on.
• Keep a positive attitude in your internal dialogue. Let your inner critic speak more quietly and give way to an inner support group.

2. Help: Prove your love with deeds

• Eat healthy food. Do not be lazy to go to the store and spend time cooking.
• Create a comfortable and aesthetically pleasing home environment. This can be done even on a limited budget. You must like the place where you live.
• Check your physical and mental health regularly. Any problem should be resolved as quickly as possible. Poor health results in a poor quality of life.
• Take care of yourself carefully and with pleasure.

3. Gifts: Get Testimonials of Self-Love

• Buy only what you like. Don’t let things that don’t make you feel good show up in your home and closet (by the way, get rid of the ones you already have).
• Give yourself an interesting experience. Ever wanted to skydive or kayak down a turbulent river? Plan it and put it on your list of expenses for the near future. Do not forget about the help of friends, if necessary.
• Invest in self-development and self-education. Interested in taking a cooking class, earning a degree, or becoming a yoga instructor? Study the situation, try to get a grant or scholarship to learn something new.
• Travel, getting incredible experiences and discovering new horizons. Can’t afford it? Go somewhere to volunteer.

4. Time: Seize Your Moments to Love Yourself

• Set aside time for daily practices: meditation, proper breathing, relaxation. This will help you get in touch with your «I».
• Plan holidays and hobbies. Hobbies and entertainment are an important component of the pleasure of life.
• Sleep is a priority, and do not forget about physical activity. You have to give the body a chance to recuperate, to reboot.
• Do not overwork, exhaust yourself at work, work without lunch and weekends.

5. Touch: feel love for yourself

• Relax your muscles, give yourself a massage. Feel the tension leave your body.
• Take a hot aromatic salt bath. Drown stress in it, wash away fatigue.
• Arrange yourself salon procedures: manicure, pedicure, cosmetic masks, hair care. You are worthy of the most careful care.

Self-love opens up a whole new world of possibilities. Set yourself such a daily goal — and watch the changes take place.

The Buddha said: “You can search throughout the universe for someone who deserves your love and devotion more than yourself, but you will not find such a person. You deserve your love and devotion more than anyone else.»