The FIFA World Cup kicked off in Brazil on June 13. We asked a psychoanalyst to explain why football is so important for men and what women should understand about it.
The FIFA World Cup kicked off in Brazil on June 13. Why is football so important for men and what should women understand about it? Psychoanalytic psychotherapist Svetlana Fedorova about the magic of football.
On June 13, the FIFA World Cup begins in Brazil — an event that fans around the world have been waiting for for four years, and Russian fans for 12 (the last time our team made it to the final part of the most prestigious tournament back in 2002). What do men expect from the month of football battles — and what can women expect? Our expert, psychoanalytic psychotherapist Svetlana Fedorova reflects on this.
Emotions Football allows the viewer to experience a lot of the most vivid emotions. It is both joy and disappointment, and a complete fall, and almost orgastic delight when your favorite team scores a goal. In real life, we all grow up with protections as we grow up. And, unfortunately, we do not allow ourselves to experience such all-consuming emotions. And in some cases, this is fortunately, because we are talking about aggressive emotions too: about anger, the desire to defeat the enemy at any cost. All this gives a man watching football.
Unity and identification. Many studies show that when we observe someone, mirror neurons in our brain are activated. And in fact, we experience the same feelings as the person we are watching. And this means that a football fan identifies himself with the players — with their strength and dexterity, with the ability to interact with each other. This is a very important moment for male identification. And no less important is unity, a common experience available in the crowd, and in former times in the choir, in the church. It helps everyone to share their emotion — even deep or heavy — with other people through prayer, chant or march. The same thing happens with football fans — especially at the stadium, but even in front of the TV, already from the very realization that tens of millions of people are watching the game with each of them.
Possession. According to statistics, a football player owns the main game object — the ball — less than in any other popular sport: less than three minutes in an hour and a half of the game. I think this is very important. We all want to have something, but we can’t always. In psychoanalysis there is the concept of the reality principle. At the most simple and crude level, it can be explained as follows: the child wants to possess the mother, but cannot, because she belongs to the father. And the reality principle is to recognize such limitations and enjoy it in some other way. So in football, complete possession is also impossible. This gives a very beautiful symbolism. Because the happiness of possession and the ecstasy of a goal are only possible with the support of other men, teammates, and under the wise guidance of a father coach. A very correct and harmonious picture of the world, which in reality, as a rule, is very far away.
A game. And finally, football allows a man to just be a child, to establish a connection with his childish «I». With that “I”, which is not at all obliged to constantly be serious and be responsible for the family, but sometimes just wants to play. We too seldom allow ourselves to release the fantasy, to forget even for a while about all the defenses that I mentioned. And this is also necessary.
- What psychologists know about football
Female. The worst thing a woman can do is to be jealous of her man for football. In fact, she is thereby jealous of a man for his desire to at least indirectly identify himself with models of masculinity, success, perhaps with some of his dreams. With a male role, which is in no way connected with this woman. In the language of psychoanalysis, a woman who seeks to prevent a man’s passion for football is actually castrating her man in this way. It suppresses a resource in him, due to which he can draw strength, express his emotions, show the same aggression, so as not to show it later in the family — even in a passive way. Of course, it would be more correct to try to share his passion for football with your man. For a woman, this is a wonderful opportunity to better feel her man, to understand how he is able to emotionally respond. Where else in ordinary life could she find out how he could scream, tremble, tear his hair and almost cry? True, you need to understand that a man may not want a woman to be involved in his football experiences. He may consider this territory purely masculine and not interested in sharing his emotions. It depends on the personal history: if a woman for a man is initially a limiting object that imposes a taboo on certain pleasures and the expression of emotions, then such a man simply cannot relax in her presence. Not because the woman is bad, but because he simply cannot imagine that with a woman one can give vent to emotions to such an extent. Well, maybe his mom was too controlling. But in this case, football for him is a way to legally experience moments of male happiness and unity without women. And it is better to leave such a man alone, and then rejoice or worry with him. But after the game. Usually it is easy to understand: you rejoice with a person and he continues to rejoice — that means everything is in order. And if you sit next to him, and he frowns, pinches, then it’s better not to.
Sex. And the last, but also very important point. Demanding sexual relations from a man immediately after a football match can be wrong. Because if we talk about identification, then after a difficult match he can be emotionally exhausted. Although it also depends on the result of the match too. So it remains only to wish good luck to our team.
Svetlana Fedorova, candidate of the Paris Psychoanalytic Society, lecturer at the National Research University Higher School of Economics.