Toys must be put away. Parents said — the toys were removed, but they did not remind — they were not removed. And how many years over and over again to remind?
It’s easier with a boy: if the toys are not removed again, we collect them in a bag and take them away. If it repeats again, we don’t just take it away, but throw it away. And there is nothing to cry — it’s your own fault.
But it’s more difficult with a daughter: she looks so plaintively and asks to forgive her so unhappily that kind parents don’t want to be monsters and forgive her daughter. Because she’s so upset! And she doesn’t always clean! And she will grow wiser over time, right? You just have to wait!
We waited. The daughter has grown up. And the habit of optionality remained. And the habit of getting upset remained. And the daughter’s confidence that it was impossible to punish her — strengthened, along with a new habit — to consider those who still insist that the orders are common to everyone and that the necessary must always be done, and not according to the mood.
The schedule, of course, can be written, but she needs to be reminded to look at the schedule! She already has a schedule for the day, a schedule for the week and a month (together with her caring parents she wrote it herself), but she does not follow all these schedules strictly, but according to her mood. It’s natural, she’s a girl, right? Yes, things are scattered in her room, but she knows where she has what? Maybe it’s just her personality traits, type of character?
So she comes to meetings not when agreed, but as it turns out. Yes, she is almost always a little late. But don’t scold her! She’s so cute!
Then she gets married, and her optionality now falls on the shoulders of her husband. The dishes are not washed — well, I’ll wash them later, but if you don’t like them — wash them yourself. Oh, do you have your own duties? You’re just callous and don’t love me.
There is a mess in her closet, the number of boxes and little things on top of each other is growing, soon everything is falling out of the closet — it is necessary to disassemble the closet! If you ask her about it, she will sort it out later, but you need to be reminded. And just gently and inoffensively remind, otherwise she will be upset and will think that her husband is not loving and gu.e.y.
Here’s the problem: it’s not only toys, dishes and things in the closet, it’s any optional. This is getting up on time, and going to bed at the right time, and not breaking down on the children, and not scolding yourself: it’s just to take care of yourself and do what you need. But the habits of discipline — no? After all, you can’t make noise at your daughter (we remember), she gets upset, doesn’t she?
So, give the correct answer to at least this formulation of this eternal problem about kind parents and a naughty child:
If your beloved wife is not organized to go to bed on time, going to bed becomes more late and more uneven over time. Not good.
If you support a very, very beloved wife in her sincere desire to go to bed on time, set an example for her and remind her that it is time to go to bed — with the warmest words, then this becomes even faster an obligatory ritual, without which the beloved herself will not put herself to bed. Turning a loved one into a child who, without organized parents, is not capable of anything herself, is also not good.
If you get angry at your beloved wife at least from time to time, this works best, but after some time, your beloved will definitely return the return in the form of sadness, frustration and accusations that the warmth of the relationship is leaving somewhere. And it’s kind of not great.
If you upset yourself, it acts weakly, because it is stupid and funny.
So where should the poor peasant go? What is a loving husband to do?
How right? Maybe, after all, in childhood it was necessary to act with her, as with a boy? And agree on a rule: “It’s not the one who swears who is to blame, but the one who doesn’t do what they agreed on?”