The eternal search: why only a few find a calling

People can’t find their calling for years for the same reasons they can’t meet their other half or decide to move. “It all comes down to the concept of “supergoal,” explains coach Rina Pushti. — A person initially chooses an elusive task, he is well aware of this, but he puts both happiness and pleasure at stake. For example, people say: “When the children finish school, then we can afford to go on vacation.” The conditions for happiness in the future are being created. As a rule, when it is executed, new reasons for the delay are found. From the category: «Oh, if my dream came true, another life would come then.»

Vocation is an abstract and inflated value, everyone understands it in their own way. The streamlining of the topic allows you to blame the feeling of dissatisfaction on the fact that «I do not know my calling, therefore I am in an eternal search.»

“Of course, the first law of the Universe works here: the law of conservation of energy. It’s always easier to search, it’s easier to dream too, says Rina. “Every person makes a choice: deal with dissatisfaction or follow the setting sun.”

Position of the victim

Let’s see what a portrait of a woman who is in eternal search looks like. She has low self-esteem, is often dissatisfied with herself, is in the position of a victim. There is a job that also causes dissatisfaction, but she does not allow herself to quit, because there are no other options. In a nutshell, this is a woman who believes that she has already done everything she could, but it is her case that is so unique that not a single highly qualified specialist can help her.

“For me, the interest of the client in the consultation is indicative. When she asks: “Are you sure you will help me? I have already passed twenty-five people” – this is a sacrifice. For her, the main thing is to once again make sure that she is right. She is ready to bypass a lot of psychologists, coaches, trainers, astrologers.

The position of the victim is advantageous and convenient. The reasons why a person chooses it lie in childhood. When a child lacks attention and love, he tries to attract the warmth of his mother with defenselessness. Even some pediatricians began to pay attention to it. When children get sick a lot, they find it important to look at the parent-child relationship. If the mother constantly works and devotes little time to the child, then he unconsciously begins to “pull” her with the help of the disease.

How to find a calling?

Look at those people who are not looking for a calling. They are passionately in love with what they do. They have no questions about what to do. Despite all the bloat of this topic and the esoteric touch, find a calling — to do what you love, what “ignites” you. Where to start looking?

“People’s mistake is that they immediately start detailed searches: what to do, in what city, on what street,” the expert explains. — It is not right. First you need to learn how to “tinkle” inside from a cup of tea, from the clothes you wear. You can’t find what you like if you don’t know yourself and your preferences. Our whole life is built on the word «must». Calling involves redefining what you took for granted. In fact, you need to re-lay the foundation of life, allow yourself to love yourself. Otherwise, you will simply devalue everything in the future and return to the fact that “it is necessary like this,” as the husband or society said. You won’t give yourself permission to come true.»

How to realize a calling?

As you know, finding a calling is twenty percent of success, the remaining eighty is realization. How to make a dream come true? “You can’t force yourself, so it’s important to find the way yourself,” advises the coach. — Because we always appreciate what we invest money, time, energy in. If people are looking for answers on the side, then it will be difficult for them to realize their vocation. When a person invests resources, the issue becomes so valuable that motivation arises. “I spent so much energy! I will not give up!» It has to come from within. Search is an active process. There are various obstacles along the way. The more hardened you are, the easier the implementation phase will be. If you took the answer from an astrologer, then the probability that you will take a couple of steps, stumble and not want to get up is 99%.”

A vocation is something that does not need to be sought, it is always there, you just need to see and appreciate it. We tend to devalue everything about ourselves. And when they ask the question: what are your talents, what is your uniqueness? The most common answer is: “What is uniqueness? I’m just like everyone else.» Calling is an inner strength, what makes you move brings joy.

If you understand, for example: «My calling is to teach people.» Then already with this formulation it is necessary to work. But I would like to focus on the difference between «profession» and «vocation». Profession — form, vocation — content. For example: to educate people is the content, and what form to give this is a personal choice of a person. Someone will tell people how to become slim, someone will become an English teacher. Or you can teach kids math during the day and teach zumba classes in the evenings. In both cases, you are following your calling. There are no restrictions.

“When it’s time to make dreams come true, it’s time for the most popular objections. For example: “I’m already so old, it’s too late to start something,” says the specialist. — Then the impostor syndrome comes into force: «There are so many professionals around, where I will now enter this market.» Or: «By the time I learn, I’ll be old.» Naturally, deep-seated fears make themselves felt.

Therefore, you need to get to know yourself well in advance, with limiting beliefs. You need to go a certain way — to understand what role you play in relationships with other people. If this is a victim, you can take a different position. Everything is being worked out. It is important to understand how you manage your energy. As a rule: home-work, work-home. You start diagnosing four types of energy, one is used by 25%, the other by 30%… How can you move on to new goals with such power? And speaking of uniqueness: you need to find it, kiss it and be proud that you have it.

Escape from reality

People very often throw themselves into something with their head in order not to solve the problems that they have. Men run away to work when there are difficulties at home, women — to marriage when a career does not work out. But sooner or later the question of implementation arises.

We try to compensate for dissatisfaction in one area with achievements in another. But a person is an integral system, he cannot be happy with success at work with problems in the family. And vice versa. How to distinguish the feeling of “scarcity” from the search for a calling?

“The main point is the concrete actions of a person,” says Rina Pushti. “When he knows what he wants, then the goal is to find yourself. If everything is with a touch of “searching and seeking” and there is some drama in this, then most likely a person sets his vocation as a kind of “super goal”.

Recommendations

«First advice for educated women, stop being “educated,” says the coach. — Just for them, the impostor syndrome is characteristic. We already have everything to fulfill ourselves. The second is to take action. Endless learning is a process that leads away from specific actions and implementation. The third — find support. Not in the face of a friend, but a professional, people on the Internet who inspire you. Feel free to ask them questions, write.

We grow, develop, we have parents, a school… When we become adults and achieve a certain self-identification: I am a mother, wife, girlfriend, employee, then we are afraid to make mistakes. Fourth tip — Invest in yourself. Save your time and help individual work with a psychologist.

Women are used to investing in external beauty. Try to calculate how much the average woman spends per year on a hairdresser, manicure, pedicure, cosmetic procedures. The amount will be impressive. In the age of social networks, it is fashionable to be cool for show. It is important to reconsider priorities and treat your inner world no less carefully than the outer one.