The Elimination Game: The Violent Laws of Women’s Competition

“Try a little association game for yourself,” suggests psychology professor Noam Spencer. – What does your imagination draw with the words “competitiveness” and “aggressiveness”? If the word “man” immediately pops up, then you are not alone. These traits are usually associated with masculinity. And it was them that Charles Darwin was the first to identify in males. He called these qualities necessary to attract the attention of the opposite sex and, as a result, more successful in comparison with competitors, continuing their kind.

“Partly because the researchers were influenced by Darwin, the vast majority of the work was devoted to the efforts that the stronger sex makes to be in demand among women,” says Noam Spencer. – And only in the 80s of the last century, the first works began to appear, considering the same phenomenon at the other gender pole – the competition of women for the best man. The traditional view that women are less likely to compete with each other has been misleading. The weaker sex is just as involved in a tough fight.

Defuse the opponent

“Olga and I were very close,” says 32-year-old Maria, “we were friends from the student bench, we survived the illness and departure of my mother together, Olga’s divorce, supported each other and shared everything. And it all fell apart when we met a man who attracted both of us. He began to show signs of attention to me, it was hard for Olga. This began our alienation, and then a complete break.

Psychologist Irina Komarova claims that female friendship, contrary to popular beliefs, can be very strong, but at the same time calls the situation of Maria and Olga typical. “Girlfriends are able to go through what they themselves call “fire, water and copper pipes”, they know how to listen to each other and provide support,” says Irina. – However, the behavior of one of the parties, which can somehow interfere with the construction of a love relationship with the other, often destroys this union. As soon as one of the women unconsciously begins to pose a threat to the personal happiness of a friend, tension appears in friendship against her will.

Evolutionary psychologist David Bass has shown that gender competition comes in two main forms: positioning yourself as the better candidate and weakening your competitor. Men demonstrate their physical strength and social status, that is, those masculine traits that are so valued by women. Women use youth and physical attractiveness as their main trump card – qualities that biologically attract men.

And if men in this struggle are trying to weaken their competitor, calling into question his social viability, then women criticize the age, appearance or character traits of their opponents.

Based on the work of David Bass, Canadian researchers Marianne Fischer and Anthony Cox described two other tactics often used in gender competition: manipulating your lover and manipulating your competitor.

In the first case, we seek to weaken the influence of a hypothetical rival at the moment while we ourselves occupy a leading position. A classic example: if a husband is used to visiting us at work, where a new employee suddenly appears, free and attractive, we easily find an excuse to convince him of the inappropriateness of continuing such visits.

Manipulation by a competitor can be expressed in the fact that a woman begins to tell deliberately impartial things about a man who interests her, neutralizing a possible interest in him from others.

Benenson’s research shows how a group of women behaves in the presence of a rival that attracts male attention. They impose the standards accepted in their circle: external data, demeanor, style of clothing, insisting that this is “true femininity”.

“In the most extreme cases, a bright, interesting to the opposite sex, and therefore potentially a threat, a woman can be secretly excluded from the community,” says the author of the study. – If such a woman appears in the team, becoming, for example, one of the mothers in the school parent committee, communication with her can be minimized, behind the scenes forcing her to “leave the stage.”

“All recent research speaks only in favor of the existing phenomenon of female competition,” says Noam Spencer. For example, an experiment by John Manner and James McNulty of the University of Florida showed that testosterone levels, which set women up for aggressive confrontation, jumped when they came into contact with the underwear of a young woman who at that moment was going through the ovulation phase. This means that on an unconscious level, a reproductively active woman began to be perceived as a competitor.

To track how young women react to a rival, Canadian researchers Tracey Vaylancourt and Anchal Sharma invited female students to a university lab under the pretext of discussing female friendships. The girls were divided into two groups and distributed to different audiences, but the real experiment began at the moment when a young assistant looked into the room asking where to find the researchers.

“The girl in many ways corresponded to the evolutionary idea of ​​​​attractiveness embedded in us,” says Professor Vaylancourt. – She had a thin waist, rounded hips and fairly large breasts, as well as healthy skin and thick hair. However, in front of the first group, she appeared in a shapeless T-shirt, with a careless tail on her head, and in the second group she entered in a tight blouse and skirt, with makeup and styled hair.

As a result, in the first case, our assistant almost did not attract attention to herself, and her appearance did not cause negative comments. In the second, the girl was clearly judged disapprovingly. They looked at her, exchanging ironic glances among themselves. As soon as she left the room, the audience showed much more emotional aggression. Some voiced the possible intentions of the overly attractive young woman aloud, in particular the desire to seduce the professor.

Sex as a natural resource

Condemnation of women who engage in promiscuity is usually associated with men who are driven by an unconscious desire to control their half. At the same time, according to Darwin’s theory, in order to successfully continue their kind, it is men who tend to induce other representatives of the female community to infidelity.

Tracey Vaylancourt emphasizes that condemnation and covert aggression towards the most sexually attractive women does not come from men at all, but mainly from women. This is proven by experimental studies and surveys.

“Men ask for sex,” says Tracey. – By controlling this part of the relationship between the sexes, a woman takes a stronger position and is well aware of the significance of her resource. Those representatives of the group who are potentially ready to more generously give this important resource to men, thus depriving other women of their strength, are perceived as a threat.

The dictatorship of beauty

In modern society, the “beautiful half” is also subjected to indirect aggression associated with certain standards of beauty. Research shows that the ideal body measurements today are those that do not correspond to the natural physique of most women. Moreover, these parameters turn out to be an order of magnitude smaller than what men themselves call attractive.

This unnatural standard is often attributed to the media. However, many studies, in particular, by psychologist Christopher Ferguson, prove that this is largely due to female competition.

“Advertising, gloss and television basically only reflect the state of affairs and general trends, but do not shape them in any way,” says Ferguson. His data suggests that women’s dissatisfaction with their appearance is by no means related to what is shown on TV. For example, watching TV shows with actresses who met all the standards of external beauty had practically no effect on the self-esteem of viewers. She remained the same as during the shows of another series, where the actresses had the usual parameters.

However, Ferguson found that viewers felt worse when faced with more attractive women in their immediate environment.

“Competition between women is especially acute in modern urban society,” the psychologist believes. Before, people started families at a fairly young age. In today’s Western society, we are postponing this step for a long time. The result is stiffer competition due to the large number of people willing to make their final choice of life partner. And there is no doubt that not only men, but also women are participating in this small psychological war for the right to find the best and most worthy.