The doctor joked that “a child gives birth”. Then he jabbed his elbow in the stomach

Childbirth for Mrs. Natalia was a nightmare and made her feel cold, insensitive mother. She had postpartum depression, suicidal thoughts and was close to jumping off the seventh floor with her son.

1. When the contractions started, the doctor joked that “the child is giving birth to a child”, and with the third contraction, he stuck his elbow in the stomach with his whole body weight – remembers Natalia
2. The so-called Kristeller’s maneuver is a controversial obstetric maneuver. His opponents believe that uterine pressure during labor is unacceptable and conclude that its use is punishable by law.
3. During the next births, Mrs. Natalia was not so polite anymore. Rather cunning, determined and assertive
4. When she became a doulla, she shared her motherhood story. She heard from those in labor: «How good you told me this. Because I thought that I was the only one who was so polite that after giving birth I didn’t feel anything towards my baby »
5. You can find more such stories on the TvoiLokony home page

I was delivered from birth

For Natalia Dalecka, the first childbirth was a nightmare. She was 20 years old and she strongly believed that having babies is as natural as breathing. What to do with the body so that her son was born quickly, easily and painlessly, she felt intuitively. The stay in the delivery room verified her ideas.

– As long as it was up to me how the delivery was going, everything was fine. I was alone with my breathing and contractions. Nobody disturbed me because two other women were giving birth to me at the same time. I was fully dilated in less than three hours, but things still went wrong. The birth in the world was simply taken from me. When the contractions started, a crowd of people in white coats appeared around me. The doctor joked that “the child is giving birth to a child” and then, with the third heavy contraction, stabbed his elbow into the stomach with his whole body weight, remembers Mrs. Natalia.

The doctor used Kristeller’s maneuver, a controversial obstetric maneuverabout which experts have radically different opinions: his opponents believe that pressure on the uterus during labor is unacceptable and conclude that its use should be punishable, and according to others, this grip reduces the risk of complications during vaginal delivery and is just as good as any other obstetric procedure.

Mrs. Natalia recollects “squeezing” a child from her womb fatally. — I lost my breath and felt like I stayed with this apnea for years. As if that was not enough, my son was not shown to me. I was also asked not to be too emotional and not to cry. I didn’t see the baby until after 15 hours. Then it was brought to me every three hours for 15 minutes. Apparently for feeding, although he was already full of artificial milk – he adds.

Shattered on body and soul

The little one was asleep all the time and did not want to suck.

– Until I had a milk onset and I got mastitis. In addition, I was infected with staphylococcus, which is why the scar would not heal. I was feverish. I was transferred to another hospital ward and my existence was forgotten. I was completely isolated from the child, the woman recalls.

After three weeks, she asked for her son to be released home. And only then could she see him in all its glory. She herself wanted to change it into home clothes and hand it over to her sister-in-law.

– Then I was brave. I accepted everything that happened with calm. Today I know that I was scarred not only on my body but also on my soul – he says.

It’s a miracle we’re alive

Only with time the woman realized that the circumstances of the delivery made it difficult for her to be tender for her dream child. She felt a serious and cold mother. And although she cared for her son in an exemplary manner, she considered herself a degenerate mother. She blamed herself for it.

– It was depression, postpartum trauma. At that time, an unknown phenomenon, there was no mention of it. Of course, I took care of the baby, fed it, dressed it. But for God’s sake, I didn’t feel anything for him! This is a difficult topic, we only got to talk about it once when our son was 30. He then learned from me that due to postpartum depression I had thoughts of suicide and I almost jumped from the window of our apartment on the seventh floor. And that it is a miracle that we are both alive – he analyzes.

She did not allow her to get confused anymore

Years later, she asked other women how they felt about their children, how they understood their motherhood. And the warmth they told a lot about, as a young mother she did not feel. It only came with the second child.

– I gave birth on my own terms. I did not allow someone to screw up my birth, to take it away. I wasn’t as polite as I was the first time. Rather cunning, determined, courteously assertive. I literally charmed the midwives by telling stories from my life until they cramped. After giving birth so fast that the doctor didn’t even have time to come and after a moment of sleep I forced me to be taken to my daughter. Regardless of anything, I breastfed her on demand and hugged her as much as she wanted, although at the time in delivery rooms it was not as obvious as it is today. I also knew that the perineum had to heal quickly in order to be able to return to my 2,5-year-old son after the statutory five days – he says.

Mrs. Natalia gave birth to more children after a long break. The reality in delivery rooms has already changed a bit, to be more friendly to women.

Delivery wards full of suffering

– My husband could accompany me, and after giving birth, they were 2 hours together. I will never forget the wave of unearthly bliss that flooded me when my son was placed on my stomach and our eyes met. We also gave birth to the youngest daughter together with my husband. In peace, quiet and dim light. The midwives joked that I was a veteran because I was 39 and went to the emergency room. And my husband was reading crossword puzzles to me between the contractions. It was also the first time that I saw posters of the Foundation “Rodzić po Humanku” in the hospital corridor – he admits.

The Foundation “Rodzić po Domuku” was established in 1996 after the journalistic community had revealed the suffering and humiliation of the reality of childbirths two years earlier. Thousands have complained about the lack of intimacy in multi-person rooms, anonymity and loneliness. And no support, when right after birth they could not see or hug the baby, which was placed in a separate room and could only see it while feeding, tightly wrapped in a baby blanket.

Accompany childbirth

Mrs. Natalia worked in a boutique, selling exclusive Italian handbags. She liked her job, it was fulfilling. But she felt something behind her back pushing her out of this place. After a month she gave up, left. And to the question of her surprised husband: “What now?”, She only replied: “I don’t know.”

Then everything happened very quickly: the first accompaniment to women in childbirth, training at the Foundation “Rodzić po Humanku”, conferences, conventions, and finally membership of the Doula Association in Poland. There were also personal therapies, internships, workshops and a lot of read books.

At a time when she began to accompany women in childbirth as a doula, hardly anyone heard about this profession in Poland. Today, doules have their own code of ethics and strictly defined work standards.

1. See also: “Shut her up, because she’s tearing her face terribly”. The greatest sins of Polish delivery workers

Give birth easier and faster

Doula is translated from Greek “a woman who serves”. She is experienced in her motherhood and provides not medical, but emotional, informative and physical support to a woman during pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum.

Scientific research conducted by American researchers Marshall Klaus and John Kenne, among others, clearly states that helping a doula has only benefits: “Continuous support in childbirth increases the chances of a physiological birth, and women are less likely to require pharmacological anesthesia and are more satisfied”. Accompanying a woman in labor also significantly shortens the time of delivery, and the risk of a caesarean section is reduced. With dolla, the woman in labor copes better with the pain, her competences as a mother are better and they have less problems with breastfeeding.

The presence of doula, her empathy, knowledge, self-control and accompanying a pregnant woman have an impact on the self-confidence of a woman who – aware of her body – finds herself in the role of a mother more easily.

A mother who mothers another mother

– In the past, when women gave birth at home, mothers and grandmothers played such a role in extended families. Girls learned to be mothers from an early age. Human birth, maturation, adulthood, aging and passing away were seen as the natural cycle of life, and children were also witness to death. Everything has its place and time. A doula is a mother who mothers another mother. Childbirth is an intimate event, I am invited to it. I can cook dinner, clean up, hug and soothe, hold my hand, take my child for a walk, talk to her or keep silent together. I also help in childbirth – lists the doula from Wrocław.

What does Natalia hear from the women for whom she was a doul?

– Most often, my presence gave them a sense of security, even when I was not physically giving birth, but by phone. I also see a huge change in attitudes towards the mystery of the birth of a new man, not only on the part of women, but also on the part of the medical staff. Of course, there are unpleasant situations when the midwife was able to say: “You have a doulę, I am not giving birth to you”. But such remarks are becoming rarer – he analyzes.

She also shares her personal birth story. – If a woman asks, I tell about my experiences. Not to set an example, but to show how individual and multi-faceted the time of childbirth is. More than once, my stories have endured with a sigh of relief and the words: “How good you told me this. Because I thought that I was the only one who was so polite that after giving birth I had no feelings for my baby »- he admits.