We learn to be polite, but when it comes to an annoying neighbor or an unfriendly colleague, we strive to stick a label. There are still many common definitions that degrade women’s dignity. Why?
The notion that women are the weaker sex is slowly becoming a thing of the past in many areas of business. But when it comes to personal life, all professional merit recede into the background. Name-calling and labels haunt us throughout our lives.
Decided not to hurry with the birth of a child? “Oldborn”. Do you love sex? “Nymphomaniac”. Are you raising your child alone after a divorce? “Divorce with a trailer.” Have an affair with a man younger than you? “Young Fool”
Laughing at the weak has been one of the favorite human pastimes since the beginning of time. Why it happens? The weak will not answer. And at the expense of the victim, you can feel better: feel higher, stronger, more successful, more prosperous. Yes, from a moral point of view, such arguments do not cause approval. But, according to the psychotherapist Pavel Beschastnov, name-calling will live as long as the phenomena they describe exist. Namely, stable types and patterns of behavior.
In addition to the “divorced”, “old-born” and “hysterical”, there are, for example, “nerds” and “rogues”. This is how we designate people who, from the point of view of conventional social consciousness, do not live quite effectively. “Take, for example, alcohol addicts, or the unemployed, or women raising children alone – in our culture, from the point of view of the layman, they all experience life difficulties and live worse than the conditional majority,” the expert explains.
“A massively recognizable type or story that, from the point of view of others, makes a person flawed or vulnerable, affects everyone,” explains the cognitive behavioral therapist. “Society condemns the poor not because it is bad and inconvenient to live without money, work and social skills, but because by the very fact of his existence he, as it were, reduces efficiency within society and within culture.”
Therefore, derogatory nicknames are invented – and not only for women.
It is worth recognizing that many offensive labels are still a thing of the past, and this is already happening in our lifetime.
For example, the word “bespectacled” is now used to refer to a network of optics stores, and not to a neighbor on a desk. “A person with poor eyesight no longer interferes with society,” says Pavel Beschastnov. “Anyone can correct their vision if they wish, lenses and laser vision correction surgeries are becoming more and more accessible.
What does it mean? When a society becomes more prosperous, its citizens feel more secure. Therefore, the richer it is, the better the quality of life will be for everyone, including single women or women in difficult life circumstances. And the name-calling just loses its meaning. What difference does it make whether you are raising a child alone or not, whether you have a husband or not, if the state gives you guarantees that you will always feed yourself and your child?
According to the psychotherapist, the active vocabulary of the people reflects the level of well-being of society, an indicator of its evolution. In many Western countries, labels of this kind have practically disappeared. And not because of the victory of tolerance, but because difficult life circumstances no longer affect a woman’s life so tragically as to look down on her.
What can we do right now before this happens in our society?
To begin with, try to take care of yourself and try not to use offensive terms. How about “solo mom” instead of “single mom”? Or “free” instead of “divorced”? And from there to a beautiful future within easy reach.
About expert
Pavel Beschastnov Psychiatrist, psychotherapist, cognitive behavioral therapist. His .